Who is in this wrong in this situation re diary

[Theresnolimit505]

At my parents' house with a boyfriend of a few months and in my old room. We come across my old diary in which I wrote a ton of hideously cringy things as you do when you're a teenager. Very personal stuff too.
He wanted to read it but I said I'd prefer him not to. He was insisting he read it and wrestling it off me.
In the end he gave up and went to the toilet. Whilst he was out, I ripped out the two most embarrassing pages in my eyes.
He came back and said can I read it now? So I said ok then..he opened it and noticed the 2 ripped out pages and went mad.
Saying, "If you lie about this, it makes me wonder what else you lie about?"
Who was in the wrong here? Surely I have a right to privacy

I find it odd on MN how so many feel so protective over their past that they don't even tell their husbands.

It's just baffling

I can help with that!

It's because, obviously barring extremes like serious crimes or anything dangerous to him, it's none of his business. HTH.

You call wrestling it off her being ‘a bit puzzled’?

He wanted something, she said ‘no’ and he not only refused to accept it, he physically tried to take it off her. And you think she’s the one being unreasonable?

Oh, I see. You're another one of…those. Alrighty, carry on.

Because there's absolutely no reason why DH needs to know who bullied me when I was 6 unless the trauma was still with me (it isn't) or which of the lads I thought was cute when I was 10 unless I'm still crushing over him (not seen him since we were 11), or how exactly my first kiss happened at 16 unless I compare him unfavourably, or exactly how man I've had sex with assuming I don't have an STI. At 29 when we met if lived a full life. He didn't need to know what age of transitioned into a bra from a vest in order to love me. None of those things are SECRET but they're also not things he has any RIGHTS to know and they don't affect us

As for the page ripping, I had some pretty dark and dramatic thoughts at 15, and some sappy ridiculous ones at 17. I'd be mortified for anyone to listen to 15 or 17 year old me because it's cringey. If someone thought they couldnt possibly love or trust me without reading it, what would you do if I'd burnt my diaries at 21?

He wrestled it off her then "went mad".

And you think he's in the right?!

How fucking weird.

He "wrestled it off her", "went mad" and then said she probably "lies" about other stuff.

Do you always excuse shitty behaviour?

You're a mum, going by your username. I hope you manage to resolve whatever issues you have that mean you excuse behaviour like OP's boyfriend's before you need to advise your child on relationship dynamics.

Exactly Well

He was insisting he read it who is he to insist on reading someone else's diary? It's not even like it could be about him
wrestling it off me because it's ok to get physically aggressive with a woman if she doesn't do as she's told right??
noticed the 2 ripped out pages and went mad and if they still disobey, we love it when a man adds in some verbal abuse too
Saying, "If you lie about this, it makes me wonder what else you lie about?" Because obv if you don't tell someone every single thing about every moment of your life at their behest, you're lying about everything.

And he totally sounds the type to get jealous of a declaration of ever lasting love for whoever the cute boy at school was when OP was 15 and to throw it back in her face every arguement

🤣🤣🤣

Well let's hope your DD never has her private property "wrestled off" her by her relatively new boyfriend who then "goes mad" about her not wanting to share it.

Because if you said to her she was weird for not wanting to show it to him in the first place, you'd be utterly failing her and excusing utter entitlement.

Nobody is entitled to other people's private thoughts if they don't want to share them. Nobody is entitled to wrestle private properly off someone else if they don't want to share it.

@FinneusMum

And thankfully I don't know anyone irl so uptight about their past.

Demand to read their diaries, wrestle them off them if they say no and then go mad at them if they still say no.

I think you'll find more people are in your words "uptight" (in reality, just private) about their private thoughts and feelings than you think.

@FinneusMum

How do you know you don't know anyone so uptight about their past?
How do you know what you don't know?
For all you know everyone around is withholding massive pieces of information about themselves, there is absolutely no way of knowing how open a person is.
People can be open in many areas but closed in others.

So how do YOU know that no-one is so uptight about their past?

@FinneusMum

But do continue to pretend that your life experience is the same for all

The irony of you saying this is staggering.

I think you're on a wind up.

If not, good luck to you and I hope you stop being blind to massive red flags as well as being an apologist for these kind of examples entitlement and demands for control in relationships before your daughter starts dating.

👍🏻

@wellhelloitsme

Definitely on the wind up I think, Reminds me of a relative who used to know how to press my buttons, I used to get frustrated but, seeing it up close in forums just makes you realise how.... nothing it is. Really inconsequential and empty. It's interesting.

But how do you know they have shared everything? How do you know what you don't know? You spent a long time .... not actually answering my question? Seems pointless.

It's getting kind of sick now.

I could easily share an abortion because it holds no shame, but fail to disclose the time I bullied a child in primary school because it does (An example) People share what they they want to, when they want to and how they want to. To say they disclose A, does not mean that they haven't hidden B. It is illogical to think because they told you one thing, you know everything.