Who is in this wrong in this situation re diary

[Theresnolimit505]

At my parents' house with a boyfriend of a few months and in my old room. We come across my old diary in which I wrote a ton of hideously cringy things as you do when you're a teenager. Very personal stuff too.
He wanted to read it but I said I'd prefer him not to. He was insisting he read it and wrestling it off me.
In the end he gave up and went to the toilet. Whilst he was out, I ripped out the two most embarrassing pages in my eyes.
He came back and said can I read it now? So I said ok then..he opened it and noticed the 2 ripped out pages and went mad.
Saying, "If you lie about this, it makes me wonder what else you lie about?"
Who was in the wrong here? Surely I have a right to privacy

"You said no, he got mad" never ends well

It seems a little strange to not want an adult boyfriend to see your teen diary. I would think it was the kind of thing you would share openly and laugh about and probably find some cute stuff too. Can’t imagine keeping it from a man I liked.

Maybe he was wondering what was so bad about it that you had to keep it from him?

What’s most concerning is you didn’t want to show him it but instead of sticking to saying ‘no’ you felt the need to rip out pages and give into his request. It makes me wonder what else you won’t want to do but you’ll give into pressure and try to appease him. You shouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

It’s a whole other discussion on whether it’s suspicious that a partner of a few months won’t share their teenage diary. Personally I don’t think it is and can’t see how it reflects badly on them.

Your boyfriend is definitely in the wrong here, he also seems nasty and willing to use his physical strength against you. I think it is wrong that you were pressured into letting him read all but two pages when you didn’t want him to. You should get rid of this awful man now before it gets worse.

To the posters who don’t understand why you didn’t want him to read it, well maybe some people would think it cute and funny to read a teenage diary. But others would find it cringey and embarrassing, maybe they would even find it painful or sad, is that so hard to grasp? The point is a new boyfriend is not entitled to know all our past thoughts.

Incidentally I have an 18 year old diary, I was 34 when I wrote it and I wrote it for a few months when I took time out and went travelling. So it is partly about my travels and partly my private thoughts at the time. I cannot imagine a world in which my husband (who I met about 18 years ago, towards the end of travel) would a) think he had a right to read it or b) think there were something off with me if I said he couldn’t. Everybody knows diaries are private.

@Aprilx

Everyone's different I guess. I just can’t imagine wanting to keep a diary from a boyfriend I liked much less a husband. I’ve always thought of wanting that kind of stuff private as more of a man thing, like they would get embarrassed by their feelings lol. I’d find it weird to have daily secrets from a partner.

Get rid of this boyfriend asap. He will try and gaslight you when you tell him it's about the diary so just tell him you don't fancy him any more. I've had a very similar bf and it escalates, today teenage diary, tomorrow "who were you talking to?" whilst lieing and cheating and denying it to your face.

This has just reminded me of a boy I dated in my early teens. We ended up in his bedroom paying a computer game. I noticed some paper beside his bed with my name written on it. I figured it was his diary or something private. When he went down to eat his dinner with his family, I told him I was going to go home and have mine and left. I didn’t want the temptation of reading what he’d written about me to overwhelm me.
Even at 12 I understood he had thoughts that he was entitled to keep private and they were current thoughts. Not ones from a life time ago when he didn’t even know me.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

Read this, it will help you spot an abusers red flags.

He is well out of order. It’s an old diary and very personal to you. Doesn’t have any impact on your relationship at all. His response is very controlling and intended to make you feel as though you are not being fully open with him which is simply not true.

It is most definitely a red flag. Be careful how you proceed.

It’s fucking weird that he has insisted on reading it. Urrrg. Get rid.

You are allowed to have boundaries, OP. Your boyfriend doesn't believe you should be allowed boundaries, and is prepared to use emotional manipulation (casting doubts on your honesty) and his physical strength to overcome them.

He's awful. Just awful. You deserve someone who will respect you. Bin him.

@ulteriorbread I think you need to check yourself, you seem to want to own a partner, not respect their right to privacy? That like the OPs DP is totally wrong? Do you have issues in relationships, do your partners feel overwhelmed by your need to have total knowledge of their teen years? Do you judge people a lot for things they did as a teenager? It's childish have a diary?

OP YANBU!

Is this a joke? He craps all over her boundaries in the first place by pressuring her to do something she's really uncomfortable doing, then when she tries to at least make the situation a bit better for herself after clearly being backed into a corner (removing the pages), he uses anger to punish her, then insults her. And over something so small. Life with him would be miserable and exhausting.

Petty, controlling, tiring, with red flags everywhere. OP you should not be dating this person.

good idea to get rid of diaries that you dont want your off spring to find
but your current boyfriend, how dare he

i meant to add after you have gone your off spring may come across things,
good reminder to get rid if you dont want your off spring to read things after you have gone

I voted you are unreasonable, but only because you let him read it. dump him. You have a right to privacy.

Say goodbye to him. X

He didn't care about your boundaries or privacy and tried to wrestle the diary out of your hands?
I'm surprised that you are receiving such a mixed response OP. Of course you were not being unreasonable and I'm sorry you felt under pressure to remove pages.
This man doesn't respect your boundaries and no doubt has or will use the contents to ridicule you.
I'd definitely rethink this relationship.

This man doesn't respect your boundaries and no doubt has or will use the contents to ridicule you.

This 👆

Also, for ulterior bread, www.developgoodhabits.com/famous-journals/

Read and be enlightened!

Thank god you're in the minority! Their in a relationship, he doesn't own OP! Trying to own people is awful.

What kind of man insists on reading your teenage diary and calls you a liar in the process? Think about it.

I would feel grateful that he showed you who he is already and get away.

An amber flag for being upset her privacy is being violated, boundaries that she has been assertive enough to state are being ignored. But nothing for a man who doesn’t seem
to understand no means no? What weird standards people have.

OP, does he understand other issues surrounding consent? This is a huge big fat red flag doing semaphore spelling out “dump this prick”

I think you're wrong about the unwillingness to share. Not everything in a teenage diary is just cringey. Mine mostly was but when I last read mine before I burnt it there were things there I'd forgotten.

Mine also detailed what I now know was a sexual assault but focused on my friends joking about me sleeping with someone. It also detailed getting the morning after pill. Two things my closest family dont know about me.

Sure, some of it is just cringey but noone has a right to my past beyond what I want to share. And not someone I've only just started dating.