Who is in this wrong in this situation re diary

[Theresnolimit505]

At my parents' house with a boyfriend of a few months and in my old room. We come across my old diary in which I wrote a ton of hideously cringy things as you do when you're a teenager. Very personal stuff too.
He wanted to read it but I said I'd prefer him not to. He was insisting he read it and wrestling it off me.
In the end he gave up and went to the toilet. Whilst he was out, I ripped out the two most embarrassing pages in my eyes.
He came back and said can I read it now? So I said ok then..he opened it and noticed the 2 ripped out pages and went mad.
Saying, "If you lie about this, it makes me wonder what else you lie about?"
Who was in the wrong here? Surely I have a right to privacy

FinneusMum

Your banging on about how 'strange' and 'uptight' we all are while failing to have any comprehension of the fact that other people (in fact most people, if you check the voting) might disagree with you isn't quite the flex you think it is.

In what way am I uptight? Please do elaborate because I'd love to know what you apparently know about me based on a handful of posts in which I told you absolutely nothing about myself 😂

from one survivor to another. It sounds like our diaries would be very similar. Different relative, same story.

Please stop giving him what he wants.

Actually they both kinda were. Serial cheat and raging snob respectively.
OP is still within her rights to keep hers private.

So abuse victims should stay single forever if they aren't ready to share their abuse with a relatively new partner?
How soon into the relationship do we have to share? Maybe it should be on my OLD profile?

Thanks. Maybe my abuser was right and I am unlovable!*

DISCLAIMER: I know this is not true. My trauma doesn't effect my life on a daily basis, but it can rear its ugly head every so often. I tell people IRL about it when I am ready to. Or I don't. Some friends know, some don't.

But not letting a new partner read a diary isn't the same as 'never' telling them. (Although that's perfectly fine if you never want to tell someone about abuse)

Maybe OP would have let her P read her diary a year down the line.
Although if she's got any sense she'll see his behaviour as a massive red flag!

For example, my ex and I (obvs he wasn't my ex at the time) were sorting through some boxes in my loft. He found my diaries.

Him: "oooo... Files teenage diaries. What did young you write about?" <starts to open diary>
Me: panics "oh fuck. Don't read that. It's embarrassing" <grabs diary>
Him: "ok" <notices I'm panicking> "are you OK? It's only a diary. I don't really care about reading it"
Me: "haha yeah. It's just embarrassing"

I then told him a few weeks later why I'd reacted the way I did. He totally understood, thanked me for telling him and apologised for opening the diary.

He wasn't a jerk. He didn't push it. He respected me saying "no". OPs P hadn't done that.

I’m not the least bit uptight but some years ago I came across my own teenage diary. I read it, thought Gawd I don’t want anyone reading this crap (all teenage angst about a guy I liked etc) and tore it up and threw it away. If some bf tried to wrestle it off me and tried to read it I would have been furious and upset at the violation over my private thoughts. Why the fuck do you think you can buy diaries now with locks on them!!

@FinneusMum

When you know the 10/10 bad stuff in someone's life it's not strange to think there isn't 2/10 stuff hidden away.

By definition you can't know what you don't know...

So you can't know that you know 10/10 'bad stuff' in someone's life.

I don't betray the confidence of my friends, so wouldn't want someone to read a private diary in which I mentioned other people's private situations they confided in me.

It's batshit that you think that a boyfriend is within his rights to demand to read a diary with stuff like that in, to the point he is entitled to wrestle it off me and then go mad if I don't let him.

People think you're a man because it's so sad seeing a woman, especially with a daughter, defending male entitlement and physical aggression. Nice, normal blokes don't demand to invade privacy. The respect the word no. They don't use their size and strength to physically wrestle belongings from women.

So people are assuming you're a man. If not, then you must know really horrible men to think that this behaviour is acceptable or normal.

Ah that poster was a troll / goady weirdo after all. Quite relieved that's the case!

People think you're a man because it's so sad seeing a woman, especially with a daughter, defending male entitlement and physical aggression.

I knew he was a (certain type of) man because of the way I'd seen him hammering at women in threads all over the place, using teenage levels of sophistry to try to prove them wrong on everything relating to female life. If it sounds like an MRA and has an overtly feminine username, it's pretty obvious. No disrespect to our usual male posters, but there's a certain type of dude who's horribly threatened by the presence of Mumsnet and this is what they do. They're probably all him.

When he was sussed, he suddenly became pregnant (using rather revolting language no woman would ever adopt and making gratuitous references to his own anus) and also became the hero in a story about historic incestuous rape... while still telling us why it's fine to use force on women to get a look at our private papers. Lovely.

I see my post about overcompensation was deleted and I suppose I can see why, but I wasn't wrong, was I?

There's been an invasion of arseholes on here recently. Sock puppets or a whole shower of arseholes?

It's tiresome and makes threads look like holey cheese.