Who is in this wrong in this situation re diary

[Theresnolimit505]

At my parents' house with a boyfriend of a few months and in my old room. We come across my old diary in which I wrote a ton of hideously cringy things as you do when you're a teenager. Very personal stuff too.
He wanted to read it but I said I'd prefer him not to. He was insisting he read it and wrestling it off me.
In the end he gave up and went to the toilet. Whilst he was out, I ripped out the two most embarrassing pages in my eyes.
He came back and said can I read it now? So I said ok then..he opened it and noticed the 2 ripped out pages and went mad.
Saying, "If you lie about this, it makes me wonder what else you lie about?"
Who was in the wrong here? Surely I have a right to privacy

Dump him. Awful behaviour

He’s wrong.

An amber flag because she didn't want her boyfriend to read her diary? Are you kidding? He is completely in the wrong.

Wrong to try coerce you into reading your diary (no matter how old it is).

Wrong to use your redacted diary to question your honesty.

Wrong Wrong Wrong.

That'd be the end for me.

You would have to be absolutely insane to stay with this man. He is a walking, talking gigantic red flag. He's horrible.

Just when I think I can't read anything else.

Red flag for boyfriend, fucking parade of flags for ulteriorbread

Dump him, someone who isn't secure with your past should never be trusted with your future.

FFS. There's always one.

You don't have a right to know every thought your partner has or has ever had. It really isn't an Amber flag unless you are desperately insecure and/or controlling. This guy is clearly one or the other or both.

ulteriorbread are you serious? Something written privately years before he knew OP would bring up concerns? How bizarre you think like that, it's nothing you do with him.
The red flag is that he was annoyed about not reading it.

🚩🚩🚩
Nobody has a right to read something you regard as personal and private. You shouldn’t have to ‘edit’ it, so that you feel better about giving in to him, and his reaction is really disturbing. He is going to trample all over any boundaries you try to set.

A diary is private. He violated your boundaries. This is reason to end the relationship immediately.

Seriously, this man has shown himself to be toxic.

It is a red flag when someone does not respect your "no". It is boundary pushing and if they "win" your no will never be worth anything.

I find the OP's desire to protect the privacy of her teenage thoughts less weird than a grown man physically trying to wrestle the diary off her.

I think it was a mistake to remove pages and then let him see it, your attempt to compromise hasn't worked in your favour. Your initial refusal should have been the end of the conversation.

@ulteriorbread has never met a woman worth agreeing with.

It's all over the boards. Safe to completely ignore.

@ulteriorbread Do you understand what consent means? And why it’s important?

Omg. Don’t listen to anyone who tries to gaslight you into feeling like you are wrong in any way to want to keep your personal diary private. Their motives are not good in any way.

Everyone has the right to share as much or as little about their own personal experiences as they feel comfortable with. Everyone has a right to privacy. And no one is obligated to trust someone with their personal information just because that person demands it.

Fwiw Anyone who demands that I trust them instead of earning it, immediately loses my trust.

Crikey. I intend to burn my diaries before I go.

Haven’t kept one for years but bloody hell, no one is reading those.

Tbh being with someone who even had a diary would be flag enough for me.

Samuel Pepys and Virginia Woolf? Cunts, both of them.

It's 100% your choice whether you let him read it or not. Some people would, some wouldn't. There's no right or wrong about what YOU decide to do in this case.

But no one is just entitled to read someone else's private writing, ever, and I'd find it a red flag that he assumed he should be. I'd find it a much bigger red flag that he tried to physically take it from you after you said no. I'd find it a HUGE red flag that after all that, he had a chance to stop and think and STILL ignored your no and continued (1) assuming he had a right to read it and (2) hassling you about it.

If he's going to ignore you saying no, attempt to coerce and force you to do something you've said you don't want to do, and then do what he wants anyway over an old diary, it makes me wonder what else he's going to insist on having his way about.