Who is in this wrong in this situation re diary

[Theresnolimit505]

At my parents' house with a boyfriend of a few months and in my old room. We come across my old diary in which I wrote a ton of hideously cringy things as you do when you're a teenager. Very personal stuff too.
He wanted to read it but I said I'd prefer him not to. He was insisting he read it and wrestling it off me.
In the end he gave up and went to the toilet. Whilst he was out, I ripped out the two most embarrassing pages in my eyes.
He came back and said can I read it now? So I said ok then..he opened it and noticed the 2 ripped out pages and went mad.
Saying, "If you lie about this, it makes me wonder what else you lie about?"
Who was in the wrong here? Surely I have a right to privacy

It was her teenage diary not something she’s writing as an older, married woman and hiding from her husband. I wrote a diary for a bit when I was a teenager and I’d be mortified if a partner tried to wrestle it off me to read yet you think it’s the OP who’s suss and not the twattish bf🤦‍♀️

@BellePeppa

I don’t know I still find it a bit weird to hide this from a boyfriend. It could have been a fun thing to show him.

I can’t imagine wanting to keep the diary a secret but maybe OP is a very private person.

Interesting.

If my partner judged me for having a perfectly normal teenage hobby such as writing in a diary when I was a teenager, I’d have a massive hard off.

I would hate anyone to read my teenage diary. Luckily its long gone for good reasons!

Firstly.. I've put a lot of it behind me. DH knows I was badly bullied at school.. but not specific incidents. I've put a lot of effort into moving past it.

Secondly... my best friend was going through something a lot worse. It contains her past too. That's not mine to tell.

Mine all went to the TIp several years ago, along with ancient love letters and anything to do with my ex husband (though I burnt the photos of him because it pleased me to do so).

This should have been a non event, OP. He asked if he could read your ancient diary. Fair enough. You said no because it's too cringeworthy. Equally fair enough. That should have been the end of the matter.

Yes.

@ulteriorbread I'm so glad your unwritten diary (as according to you only worthless kids write them) is so cute and angst-free, full of sunny days of picnics and ginger ale, when no one molested you or made you feel bad, that you'd happily chuckle over it, and willingly hand it over to some guy you barely know.

As I said before, I hope to god you don't work in child services or mental health.

But most in healthy relationships share their part without having to be asked

Not necessarily. My DP and I have a very good relationship, but neither of us knows everything about the other's past. I think it can sometimes cause problems if you know 'too much' about what one another did 30 years ago.

@ulteriorbread

Keeping a diary isn’t immature, but shaming people who do sure is. How ridiculous to even think such a thing.

Only an immature and insecure twerp would promote this sort of coercive behaviour as normal and try to convince the OP she should feel bad for wanting to keep her personal diary private.

Just because you and your DP apparently share everything that has ever happened to you with each other, doesn’t make it right for everyone and frankly sounds rather tedious.

You come across like as blundering, insensitive and wilfully ignorant. Slow clap for you.

Did you read my post? Because I specifically said that everybody is different, in fact I said that some might find it cute and funny but others might find it embarrassing or sad or painful. You are perhaps missing an empathy chip if you can only see it based upon how you personally would feel.

And what somebody wrote in their diary as a teenager is not a “daily secret”.

I am also shocked that you do not seem to have acknowledged the issue of this man using physical force to wrestle the diary off OP just because you think nobody has a right to keep their teenage thoughts to themselves.

My thoughts too......run !

Why?

I had an agonising relationship with a boyfriend at university when I was 20. What relevance does this have to anything now that I'm 51 and am a very different person from the one I was 30 years ago? Why would I need to share the dreary details of that unsatisfactory time in my life? By the same token, I don't want to know what he got up to at university. So long as our relationship is good and we treat one another kindly and with respect, the past is irrelevant.

I had friends I could have talked to as well but I'm not sure I was ready to open up about being abused my a family member to fellow 9 year olds.

@ulteriorbread "Well I didn't need a diary since I had friends to talk to in real life."

This isn't the win you think it is.

So if someone had no friends as a teen, it means they’re unworthy of being in a relationship with you as an adult?
Lucky escape if you ask me

Of course you're in the right and he needs to fuck off with the manipulative, fabricated guilt tripping.

@ulteriorbread

Your lack of empathy is quite staggering.

To be honest, they’re just as likely to be the kind of kid who had the misfortune of having people like you as friends.
Friends they couldn’t confide in without judgement.
Friends who were not permitted confidentiality, discretion, empathy or respect.

@ulteriorbread read, he's her bf of a few months. It's way too soon to lay yourself bare. Most people move on from their teenage selves and so don't want to share what were there thoughts, feelings and worries.

OP his reaction is a red flag. I worry that you felt it couldn't just be a no from you and you stick to it.