Who is in this wrong in this situation re diary

[Theresnolimit505]

At my parents' house with a boyfriend of a few months and in my old room. We come across my old diary in which I wrote a ton of hideously cringy things as you do when you're a teenager. Very personal stuff too.
He wanted to read it but I said I'd prefer him not to. He was insisting he read it and wrestling it off me.
In the end he gave up and went to the toilet. Whilst he was out, I ripped out the two most embarrassing pages in my eyes.
He came back and said can I read it now? So I said ok then..he opened it and noticed the 2 ripped out pages and went mad.
Saying, "If you lie about this, it makes me wonder what else you lie about?"
Who was in the wrong here? Surely I have a right to privacy

Christ, I am so sick of contributing to threads where the OP doesn't come back. Unless, perhaps, she has been arrested for beating her boyfriend to death with her teenage diary. Which would be fair ...

Well you compared the diary to a car full of kids. Your post has to be the most crazy, nonsensical posts I have ever read on mumsnet.

And actually if somebody says no they do not want to share their mind or body or thoughts, then they are correct to say no. Parking spaces have nothing to do with it.

I’m absolutely baffled by your viewpoint.

No I don’t have to share how I felt at 14 with my current partner!

You think it's worrying that I wouldn't tell a relatively new BF that my brother sexually assaulted and raped me for years?

Personally I think I'm safeguarding my own trauma. But you do you as the teens say. Ffs.

@FilePhoto

@FilePhoto

Absolutely. Like what the actual are some of these posters on.

My OH of 40 years knows most of what went on, but there are some details I'd rather forget and not pore over.. never mind with some random newbie guy!

Totally get you.

With me, if I get to know a person they know surface details of topics we can converse about, but any detailed details, usually I keep in my mind, unless I'm given truth serum, then I'm more chatty, but in General like if I got back with my ex, all detailed of the past x years are classified as I don't trust her current and would be ex partner of me and her reconnected, as such all that I'll discuss is surface General conversations, because you'll never know what she would share with her ex etc,

And where was the OP wrong, what did she do that was wrong or at fault? Like others have said, your post is weird.

Is this every boyfriend? One should have their teenage diary on display for any new boyfriend to read as and when they want? Perhaps a reading corner can be set up especially for such occasions?

He sounds disrespectful and controlling.

My childhood diaries would (if I’d have dared to write one) have documented my sexual abuse. It would have documented me telling my mum and not being believed. Why should I be forced to allow someone, anyone, to read my most private and traumatic thoughts and experiences?
How should I react if a new partner wanted to read about my grandad molesting me and my thoughts on it at the time, while still a child and unable to process or understand what was happening to me?
You’re a narcissist and an abuser if you believe your right to read anything your partner has ever written and experienced trumps theirs to have any shred of privacy. Not all people’s childhoods are unicorns and rainbows and even for people who it was, still deserve privacy.
Shame on you.

For posters who are querying why she doesn’t let people read her diary when a child - she was a teenager, a time when you express thoughts with great passion and drama. It’s there for you to express yourself freely, not to be entertainment fodder for all and sundry, or for anyone. Why is that so hard to understand?

He wasn’t “a bit puzzled” - he was furious and demanding.

You do realise that teenagers don’t all just have funny anecdotes and daft ness in their diaries - as has been pointed out by many posters on the thread.

I had my abuse by my parents in mine. Another poster had mention being raped by a close relative in hers. Do all future partners have the “right” to demand to read that? Whenever they want?

Why is the focus purely on the OP’s “peculiar” reaction? Why not the utterly fucking bizarre reaction of the entitled man insisting on reading something that his girlfriend - someone he’s supposed to care about - very clearly doesn’t want him to read?

Why is her reaction to guarding old private thoughts peculiar yet his repeatedly demanding to read it and trying to physically wrestle it for her not worthy of being labelled as “peculiar”?

he opened it and noticed the 2 ripped out pages and went mad.
Saying, "If you lie about this, it makes me wonder what else you lie about?"

Having boundaries and expecting respect regarding privacy is uptight?
Are you writing a guide on to how to gaslight and abuse?

To me “ripping pages out while he was in the loo” was shocking, not because of OP’s behaviour, but because she felt she had no other option. That she has already had this man using his superior physical strength against her and she felt this was the only thing she could do other than be forced into something she did not want to happen.

One child’s diary might be very different to another’s. They won’t all be about ponies, midnight feasts and frolicking through the meadows.

That’s because you don’t have respect for other people. Your partner is your possession and not worthy of having any privacy.
Going mad is the same as being furious.
Find a dictionary and look up the words, “furious” and “narcissism”. It will be a road to self discovery.

He tried to physically remove the diary from her and then accused her of being a liar. He went mad at her…

And again nothing about the reaction of a man who got mad and physical because he wasn’t getting his own way…

No wonder some men have such a sense of entitlement when behaviour like that gets understanding from people. Where are people’s standards?

And being open and honest is a good quality when dating. It's odd you don't get that

Its odd that you don’t get that being physically demanding toward your partner is not a good quality.

Being open and honest is something that’s done with trust and kindness. Not physically greater strength and stroppiness.