Who is in this wrong in this situation re diary

[Theresnolimit505]

At my parents' house with a boyfriend of a few months and in my old room. We come across my old diary in which I wrote a ton of hideously cringy things as you do when you're a teenager. Very personal stuff too.
He wanted to read it but I said I'd prefer him not to. He was insisting he read it and wrestling it off me.
In the end he gave up and went to the toilet. Whilst he was out, I ripped out the two most embarrassing pages in my eyes.
He came back and said can I read it now? So I said ok then..he opened it and noticed the 2 ripped out pages and went mad.
Saying, "If you lie about this, it makes me wonder what else you lie about?"
Who was in the wrong here? Surely I have a right to privacy

These boards aren’t representative. I know a lot of my friends who tell their partners and husbands everything.

But unless they’re telling YOU everything, you can’t possibly know if they’re sharing everything - because you don’t know everything there is to share.

Are you one of these people who thinks couples should know the code for one another’s phones, and who doesn’t understand why both halves of a couple would have separate email addresses?

It was in direct response to the poster who mentioned marriage. I am not a believer in people expressing their every thought, present or historical, to a partner so married or not private thoughts don’t have to be shared.

There are not as many independent thinking, autonomous women as you’d think on MN. Important issues and thoughts should be discussed and shared if they directly affect the other person (you want to move, divorce, swing whatever) but having to feel you’ve got to not only share thoughts but hand over your teenage diary to a partner is unbelievable! Sheesh!

Possessive and controlling. He has no more entitlement to access the things you wrote down in your diary than he has a right to know every thought in your head. Your experiences, your past, your business. I’d actually dump him for this. How dare he try to make this about you being some sort of untrustworthy liar simply because you refused to indulge his demands to pry into things which are none of his business! Nosy fucker.

And what has any of that got to do with the OP’s post? You’re talking about choosing to show your partner your diary, the OP was saying her bf tried to forcibly take the diary off her to read (and the rest). I don’t see any similarity between your take and the OP’s 🤷‍♀️

So, these boards aren’t representative, but you and your friends are? How did you work that out, exactly? And you know everything about your friends’ relationships to the extent that you know that they tell their partners everything? Really?

And you can understand most men ‘not wanting to share that way’, but when women tell you they don’t want to share that way you ‘can’t imagine’ and ‘don’t understand’? You’re not seeing how that is internalised misogyny? What do you think internalised misogyny is?

Also @Suetodo88 You said I mean isn’t that the point of being with someone? That you tell them everything you feel?

Please explain how you think that’s the ‘point of being with someone’, but also say that most men don’t do it. What’s the ‘point of being with someone’ for them?

@Suetodo88

I mean isn’t that the point of being with someone? That you tell them everything you feel?

So what's the point in you and your friends husbands being with you and your friends?

You said those man don't tell those women everything they feel.

So what's the point of them being with them?

@Suetodo88 The point of being with someone is to share a life together, enjoy each other’s company etc. Not to burden them with every single feeling you’ve ever had regardless of how negative or distressing or boring it may be. That’s not very fair on your partner.

Also, diaries don’t just contain information about you. People often write about stuff that involves other people such as family members, friends etc. detailing conversations or things that have happened. The person who wrote the diary doesn’t have a right to show other people the personal information of the people he/she has written about.

One of the main features of a diary is that no one else reads it, so you can write freely about anything.

I mean isn’t that the point of being with someone? That you tell them everything you feel?

If that's "the point" of being with someone I'm glad I'm single!

@FilePhoto 😆Brilliant

So you don't care if you don't understand your DH?

But women have to disclose everything they're asked?

This is something from before they met, it's nothing to do with him. Also if she decided to keep her current diary/phone et private, she can.

My ex husband used to tell me everything he was thinking and feeling. The novelty of hearing this endless drip-drip-drip of his thoughts and feelings had well and truly worn off by the time I left him. I would now run a million miles from any man who wanted to share the inner recesses of his mind with me on any kind of regular basis.

You date the intrusive, creepy, controlling weirdo then. Sounds like a perfect match.

This made me laugh, he sounds like one of those people who tells you their dreams in minute detail !

I’ve had both male and female friends who were like this. Over sharing becomes so tiresome after a while. I run a mile too. It just becomes too one sided.

@SirVixofVixHall He did that, too. I used to tell him to put it in his diary in case our children ever suffered from insomnia and needed something to help with it.

He shouldn't have even asked to read it. It's from way before you even met and is absolutely nothing to do with him. If you wanted to share bits that's one thing but to try to wrestle it off you is just awful. What does he think he owns you and everything to do with you? I think it's a big red flag that he may be controlling and or jealous and have little respect for boundaries.

Why did you say yes if you don’t want him to? Stick with what you say and save yourself hassle you said no and he shouldn’t have asked again but he did so you should have said no again

too much drama

Well I never got to read whatever fascinating insight ulteriorbread had for me as it was deleted before I could read it 😅 I can make some guesses as to what it likely entailed, and just to confirm I had plenty of friends growing up. None of whom I wanted to 'burden' with what I was feeling inside at the time. (How I used to see my feelings, definitely not how I see it as an adult). I suspect reflection is not something that ub possesses and therefore finds it threatening or odd that others have the capacity to do so.

In other news - definitely get rid of the boyfriend OP, he doesn't sound like a keeper so far!

If the thoughts in your head make you look idiotic, it's far better to have them in a private journal at 14 than on the Internet for all to see at an adult age. Eh, ulteriorbread?

Bin. Bin. Bin.

Er how???

YABU

it's a bit of a strange reaction to someone wanting to read a diary from when you were a child

Is definitely think it was strange for a partner to act so defensive other something so trivial

Put a new entry in about the prikish intrusive behaviour has made you see your bf in a new light and you're going to dump him.