... wondering about the worst thing done to you by a so called "friend" *Content warning added by MNHQ - just flagging that some of these are quite upsetting*

[PieRSquared]

Waiting in the airport to collect my DD from her flight (seriously delayed!) at the end of a great trip she's had travelling abroad with a close friend of hers.

It brings up some very unpleasant memories for me. The plan was to travel for a few weeks in south east asia with my long term best friend, first time I'd ever travelled there. On the 3rd day of our trip she met someone "special" and went travelling with him instead!! It really caused me a huge amount of trouble and stress, traveling alone there was not easy, a few bad incidents, trying to make some other friends along the way. It was also a bit more expensive not sharing a room, and deciding on some safer/more expensive locations.

We're not in contact any more, but I'm feeling angry and agitated as I write this, and think about it again. No more coffee for me!

Any other bad things done by friends were relatively minor for me thankfully.

Got wasted, attempted to fuck my boyfriend and then made an incredibly half-arsed and transparent "suicide" attempt in the middle of our uni halls when called out on it, then admitted when the ambulance crew arrived that she'd done it to "stop people being mad at her".

Slept with the boyfriend I'd just moved in with, then tried to stop me being mad at her.

This was years ago and they're married now so it was a nice ending in fairness.

Asked me to be maid of honour, then a few months later told me she wasn’t having bridesmaids any more, let me turn up to her wedding to find I’d actually just been replaced by another friend and they’d both been lying to me for over a year. Still have no idea why to this day as she wouldn’t tell me what I’d done wrong.

Had a 2 year affair with my husband. Told me I was paranoid and self centered. Told him he would improve his mental health by leaving me. Told my kids they were paranoid and I was a terrible mum

Now the kids hate her, his family hate her and they are shacked up together

Wow, some of them are bad! My experience was actually worse than I've written above. I didn't want to write in detail but it's basically the kind of things you hear about sometimes with lone female travelers in that part of the world.

My colleague and friend (we attended her wedding in Greece and she came to my son’s wedding) listed all our joint academic papers and publications, even the ones where I had taken the lead, as her own on her Curriculum Vitae. Our relationship never recovered. I still check online from time to time to make sure she hasn’t reverted to the false version.

An old friend who died am no longer in touch with (and who in fairness struggled with poor mental health), used to deliberately sabotage every relationship I had.

When I was living in a shared house with her in London after leaving university I was seeing a guy who lived in another town and he used to come up every other weekend. She would without fail manufacture a MH crisis on the weekends he was up which would require her to have to sleep in my bed with me.

This got very old very quickly.

Who I am no longer in touch with. She didn’t die (autocorrect over dramatic).

Slept with my fiancé after spending the day helping me plan the wedding.
No longer in touch with either of them

Stole my car to go and by coke and crashed it while I was upstairs putting my baby to bed

I was raped in college. Unknown to me, my roommate (and so called best friend at the time) discussed and shared details with a large group of people, some of it which was not true, details changed and embellished. While I had no problem in discussing rape (I'm lucky enough to know and understand it wasn't my fault), the issue was with respect to police statements, evidence, etc.

In addition to dealing with the aftermath of something (unless it happened to you you can't know or understand) like that It caused me a huge additional amount trouble

Did a complete character assassination of me and my personality then dumped and ghosted me. My crime, being diagnosed with autism. She was one of those people who always had some sort of minor health issue going on but nothing ever diagnosed and I think it cut her to the bone that I'd one upped her by actually being diagnosed with something serious.

We're no longer friends because of this - harassed me via text, got sectioned, blamed me and when he came out of hospital, acted as thought we were best friends!

Apparently, I should have known he was like this.

When teenagers asked to do drugs by her and her bf.said no not my thing .went to a party they were there.giggling.when home realised they had laced my drink!felt really really bad and too scared to tell my dp.had really bad head next day.found new friends pdq!

This still stings and it was over 20 years ago now.

All throughout school me and two other girls were a threesome - we did everything together. When we were in 6th form, one of them got a boyfriend - he was the mate of some lads that the other girl worked with.

For some reason, from that second onward, she hated me. Was snidey to my face and actively bitching about me behind my back. She would literally arrange stuff and tell the others not to tell me because she didn’t want me there. None of them told me by the way which hurt a lot . On her 18th, me and the other clubbed together to get her a really nice piece of jewellery (I think. Might have been a watch). They had got me a necklace a few months before when she was still talking to me.

She opened it, ignore the card that had both of our names on, and made a loud comment about what a bitch I was to not go in on the gift considering what she’d bought for me. I was so upset. No idea why she invited me to her party tbh.

I turn 40 soon and I’m still upset about it. We were genuinely inseparable from Y7 to 6th form, and she has never spoken to me or indicated what I did to make her turn on me so viciously.

These are relatively minor things now, but they had a big impact on me as a teenager and caused me a lot worry. Small unkind innocuous things but have disproportionate impact on teenagers. There are from the same "friend"

• Told everyone I masturbated (now I know everyone does, at the time I thought I was the only person in the world who knew this)
• Encouraged me to buy clothes that were the "wrong" size, basically too big. I can still see it in the photos! Luckily Mum sometimes spotted it.

Friendship circles changed and evolved. I still see her from time to time, and she's really nice!

Moving in a new house/areas I suddenly had a best best friend. Did lots of things together, we were very very close, I helped her out on some family stuff, and she did likewise. Drunkenly I discussed some DH related issues (sex, intimacy, that kind of stuff) and as usual she was supportive. Those details were more broadly shared too and that was very embarrassing. My DSis had great advice and said to say it was nonsense, she was making it up ... and I think it worked :)

@ChiefWiggumsBoy

I really recognise this and sympathise.

Learn from it and in future use strong boundaries with any friends that mess you around. It filters out the grotty people.

Thank you I appreciate that.

I remember at one point when I was in the thick of being shunned and excluded, my mum telling me off for something (probably not studying enough or something) and completely disregarding how I felt about essentially losing my best ever friend. I did have other friends but they were apart from this group so I felt like I had no one to confide in at all.

Totally ghosted me when my 11 year old dd tried to kill herself. After I'd supported her through so many bloody things over the years.

Encouraged me to date a man she knew had seriously assaulted a previous partner. He never got the chance to hurt me because another mutual friend warned me, but I never forgave the friend who kept quiet. She put my life in danger, imo.

I am in general a massive overthinker and always tend to think I must have done something wrong as I default try and people please.

Also, friendships come and go.

I have a friend who ghosted me by degrees, like calculated and stealthy, til one day I went to text her and just thought "but we arent really friends anymore"

Being an overthinker I have wracked my brain as to what "her side of the story" might be, I genuinely can't think of a thing. I was extremely good to her, and the friendship is a very old one. She cut me dead in the middle of the street this week as I tried to acknowledge her, and gave me a dirty look.

It would be less hurtful if

a) it wasn't so fucking juvenile
b) there was a valid reason for it that I understood

Shagged my boyfriend. So original.

Friend 1 cheated on me with my ex husband. They are now married

@Fladdermus aaah the competitive friend. Friend 2 was irked my fiancé and l have fertility issues. Keen to say she had it harder (for clarity she has 2 children, it took her 6 months to conceive her 2nd, we gave 0 children and are on our 3rd round of IVF). It was like it was her “thing” and l stole it. In reality l didn’t and don’t want it 🤷‍♀️