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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner refusing to wear bike helmet

204 replies

Minky719 · 05/08/2022 17:15

Hello Mumsnet,

I’m fairly sure I’m not being unreasonable here but wanted to get some further opinions on this.

DP purchased a bike recently and has been enjoying going for bike rides after work in the good weather. We live in the middle of a large City, so much of the cycling is done on main roads.

The issue I’m having is he just refuses to wear a helmet. He didn’t originally purchase one when he got the bike which I called him up on, and he did then buy a helmet soon after. It fits fine so no issues there, but he’s probably worn it once.

He’s just gone out on a bike ride and yet again is not wearing a helmet. I told him before he left now that I’m not happy about it and asked him why he can’t just wear one when he can see it bothers me (not to mention the very obvious dangers associated with not wearing one). His response is that’s he’s a competent cyclist, he’ll be fine etc. Of course I do not want him to have an accident, but I don’t know how to make him realise it’s important to wear one!

I completely get it’s his choice and there’s no legal requirement to wear one but AIBU here?

Thanks

OP posts:
NelStevHan · 05/08/2022 17:18

Partner is a twit. I don’t know a single cyclist who hasn’t come off their bike at some point. My boss came off his and hit the kerb so hard his helmet was almost in 2. He was in hospital for observation for days. Helmet saved his life.

Crikeymaccrikey · 05/08/2022 17:19

My dh refuses too. He maintains safer without one.. which i do not get at all .

Watchkeys · 05/08/2022 17:20

There's no debating that it's a good idea to wear a helmet.

There's no debating that, aside from the law, nobody has the right to insist your partner wears anything he doesn't want to wear.

There's no debating that adults are allowed to make their own bad decisions.

MaryB90 · 05/08/2022 17:22

My dh also refuses to wear a helmet and his reason is that they look embarrassing...

Abra1d1 · 05/08/2022 17:23

People in cities where cycling is a big part of life: Cologne, Amsterdam, etc, don't wear helmets. I wonder how their head injuries compare with ours. Or is it because they have more cycle-safe areas?

I don't wear one all the time on our quieter country roads.

There is some evidence to show that women cyclists are safer without helmets, because their hair makes them more obviously female and so drivers slow down. I don't know if that's been updated.

girlfriend44 · 05/08/2022 17:25

I heard this the other day. A woman was shouted at by a motorist who said her children didn't have helmets on. She was annoyed at being told. Someone leapt to her defence and said should we all go round with helmets on then in case we all fall down.

Original poster
Minky719 · 05/08/2022 17:25

MaryB90 · 05/08/2022 17:22

My dh also refuses to wear a helmet and his reason is that they look embarrassing...

Whilst my partner hasn’t actually said this, I think this is the reason he won’t wear one. It drives me crazy because it’s literally there to protect you! Who cares what you look like. I doubt anyone looks at cyclists wearing helmets and thinks they look silly.

OP posts:
yonce · 05/08/2022 17:26

I'd be upset by that - but my uncle was a cyclist in a terrible car accident, his head ended up trapped between the kerb and a car wheel. His helmet was all that saved his life, he'd have died without any protection.

You can't make him, he's an adult and it's not a legal requirement. He is however being silly in my opinion, we don't have the cycling infrastructure that many European cities do - I'd be worried about his safety too.

Knowing that it upsets you, knowing it could save his life and knowing it doesn't really take any extra effort on his part I'd take a dim view of him being so pigheaded about it.

Rodion · 05/08/2022 17:27

I'll preface this by saying I always wear a helmet BUT I was reading a few years ago that there is a school of thought against helmets. It relates to risk from cars etc rather than risk of falling off by yourself.

Research has shown that other vehicles will give a much wider berth and behave more carefully around cyclists that are not wearing any protective gear, particularly helmets. Cyclists that did wear helmets were therefore more likely to be struck by a car as the cars drove closer to them. Obviously once you're at the point of being knocked off you'd rather be wearing a helmet, but (apparently) statistically you were at a greater chance of suffering fatal or life- changing injuries if you wore a helmet. There were even some a&e consultants championing the no helmet idea!

Divebar2021 · 05/08/2022 17:29

I have a friend who worked in “ Accident Investigation “ who attended an accident between 2 cyclists. The cyclist wearing the helmet lived and the one without the helmet died. I have a bike and for the most part I wear a helmet ( by Bern… pretty cool) - but sometimes I don’t wear it because it feels more carefree and fun not to. I’m obviously aware of the risks. You are not unreasonable to want him to wear one but he’s a grown up and is capable of making the decision himself I’m afraid.

sunsetsandsandybeaches · 05/08/2022 17:30

YABU in that it's not your decision to make.

Original poster
Minky719 · 05/08/2022 17:32

sunsetsandsandybeaches · 05/08/2022 17:30

YABU in that it's not your decision to make.

I do agree with you and I know it’s his choice. It’s just not a choice I agree with!

OP posts:
girlfriend44 · 05/08/2022 17:32

Minky719 · 05/08/2022 17:25

Whilst my partner hasn’t actually said this, I think this is the reason he won’t wear one. It drives me crazy because it’s literally there to protect you! Who cares what you look like. I doubt anyone looks at cyclists wearing helmets and thinks they look silly.

Show quote history

I have heard of children being buried for wearing a helmet

keziahmee · 05/08/2022 17:34

Hope he's made a will and got life insurance?

OneTC · 05/08/2022 17:36

Helmets make everything better, all of the time.

But I only wear one when doing downhill MTB, city riding not a chance

FOJN · 05/08/2022 17:37

I agree it's a good idea to wear a helmet but I have voted YABU because he is an adult, not a child, and you cannot make him do something he does not want to. He can chose not to wear a helmet and you can think that's a bad idea.

Original poster
Minky719 · 05/08/2022 17:39

FOJN · 05/08/2022 17:37

I agree it's a good idea to wear a helmet but I have voted YABU because he is an adult, not a child, and you cannot make him do something he does not want to. He can chose not to wear a helmet and you can think that's a bad idea.

I agree with what you’re saying. I do know IABU to try to make him do something, but I don’t think what I want him to do is unreasonable in itself. If that makes any sense?! Ultimately I know I cannot force the issue

OP posts:
ForcingSmiles · 05/08/2022 17:43

I came off my bike about a year ago and broke my arm...it was the first thing she asked me at A&E (Did you have a helmet on?) and they still wanted to do checks on my head.

Yes they're not the most fashionable thing in the world. They're not there to make you look cool, they're there for safety.

He might be a safe cyclist. He might be the safest, most competent cyclist in the world. It only takes one car/bus/truck to run a red light or in my case...someone without two seconds patience who decides they'll get where they need to be much faster by ramming me off the road instead of waiting for a suitable gap to overtake.

Wombat27A · 05/08/2022 17:43

A car came out of a side turning & I slid into it. My head broke the windscreen & I swear I felt the helmet deform...

Google bullseye windscreen damage.

That said, it's his decision. If you have joint finances or kids, get him insured.

TheNoodlesIncident · 05/08/2022 17:50

In all the times I've been knocked off my bike by a vehicle, it has been because the driver wasn't paying close enough attention and just didn't see me. In instances like that, it's not your incompetence as a cyclist that's the issue, but the fact that you have no control over other road users. He might feel a right plum wearing a helmet, is that worse than potentially having to relearn to write, speak, walk etc from a head injury that was so much worse than it could have been? Or suffering permanent personality change from brain injury?

It's not just other road users, there are additional hazards that can crop up unexpectedly, like a dog or child running into the road suddenly. If you come off and hit your head on the kerb or similar, it could be game over...

Still, you can't make him, but you don't have to stay to pick up the pieces if he does come a cropper, and he shouldn't expect it since he knows how you feel about it.

IAmAWarrior · 05/08/2022 17:52

girlfriend44 · 05/08/2022 17:32

I have heard of children being buried for wearing a helmet

Show quote history

What does this mean?

IAmAWarrior · 05/08/2022 17:53

I personally trust no one when cycling. Even myself. And therefore I always wear a helmet. I've been cycling for years and even now get scared sometimes either by someone else or myself

Soubriquet · 05/08/2022 17:53

I don’t wear a helmet but that’s because it pushes down on my ears where there is sensitive scarring. I also wear a hearing aid, and the helmet interferes with it. Means I can’t hear anything.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 05/08/2022 17:55

@Rodion I came on to post about this research. it's very interesting reading

purplepaintedpineapple · 05/08/2022 17:59

A family member toppled off his going up a small incline, and ended up with a brain injury in a coma for a number of weeks, and he was going very slowly, so I think wearing a helmet should be law and I don't see why it isn't.

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