Partner refusing to wear bike helmet

[Minky719]

Hello Mumsnet,

I’m fairly sure I’m not being unreasonable here but wanted to get some further opinions on this.

DP purchased a bike recently and has been enjoying going for bike rides after work in the good weather. We live in the middle of a large City, so much of the cycling is done on main roads.

The issue I’m having is he just refuses to wear a helmet. He didn’t originally purchase one when he got the bike which I called him up on, and he did then buy a helmet soon after. It fits fine so no issues there, but he’s probably worn it once.

He’s just gone out on a bike ride and yet again is not wearing a helmet. I told him before he left now that I’m not happy about it and asked him why he can’t just wear one when he can see it bothers me (not to mention the very obvious dangers associated with not wearing one). His response is that’s he’s a competent cyclist, he’ll be fine etc. Of course I do not want him to have an accident, but I don’t know how to make him realise it’s important to wear one!

I completely get it’s his choice and there’s no legal requirement to wear one but AIBU here?

Thanks

Well I hope he's written his will and that you have good life insurance on him.
id also ask him to leave instructions on what to do if he incurs life changing / ending injuries.

I am not talking about what drivers do or not do but about what happens to your unprotected head if you come off a bike!!

It is a no-brainer - if you come off a bike and hit your head you are in the shit in a big way. Wear the blessed helmet!!

Do you wear a helmet when you're travelling in a car?
Statistically you are more likely to suffer a head injury in that situation.
If not, YABU to expect your partner to wear one...
Unless he's participating in downhill mountain biking/ other racing/ circus tricks, the chance of him falling off his bike and hitting his head is extremely low. There is evidence that people who wear bike helmets are more likely to let their heads hit the ground, and those who don't are more likely to put their hands out (so gloves would actually offer more appropriate protection). And there's a possibility that wearing a helmet makes it more likely that you suffer from rotational spinal injury.

I ride a bike pretty much every day, and having assessed the risks for myself, don't even own a helmet. Most of the cyclists who have been killed while riding in London in recent years were crushed under HGVs, something a helmet would not have prevented.

The Bicycle Helmet Research Foundation used to compile links to lots of factual information and proper research on this website: https://www.cyclehelmets.org/ which might be better that relying on assumptions and anecdata.

I agree with PPs who have pointed out that what we need is well-designed cycling infrastructure, that people of all ages can use to make journeys without having to share space with larger, heavier, much faster vehicles.

We could also do with more training, for drivers as well as cyclists. In places where everyone is sharing the same road space, adopting an assertive position (usually in the centre of the lane), riding in a predictable way, making eye contact and clearly communicating intentions to other road users are all ways that people can reduce the risks.

(so gloves would actually offer more appropriate protection)

And that's the one thing I won't ride without. Most people don't realise that's what gloves are for

@Longtimelurkerfinallyposts Actually you are spot on, even in pro racing, the number of head injuries pre and post UCI helmet introduction is pretty much the same.
Helmets also stick out a lot further than your own head, so more likely to actual hit the helmet into an object, hence all the "Helmet saved my life" stories.

Having said all that, i wear a helmet, modern ones have great air flow and in my particular Kask one, aid flow over my head in hot weather plus if you did have an accident, its likely any pay out etc could be less without one.

imho track mitts offer little protection & none for the back of the hand.

It is a no-brainer - if you come off a bike and hit your head you are in the shit in a big way. Wear the blessed helmet

If you get squashed by a car a helmet won't help you.

And the only time I've hit my head was when I slipped on some ice (on foot). Should all pedestrians wear helmets too?

It's not about infrastructure, it's about perceived risk. German kids walk themselves to school from a very young age. Dutch kids cycle all over the place from a very young age.

UK kids have to wear helmets and be driven to school in massive SUVs. Does nobody see the connection between the two?

Some male car drivers are quite aggressive to a man on a push bike with a helmet on. My husband always wore helmet when he cycled to work but on the odd occasion he didn't for whatever reason he said he always got less hassle . Maybe it's to do with that

Helmets also stick out a lot further than your own head, so more likely to actual hit the helmet into an object, hence all the "Helmet saved my life" stories

Also this. And I also think that people keep their helmets too long, so if they do have any sort of impact, they just collapse. I think you are meant to replace helmets every five years.

I think drivers see someone in lycra and a helmet and think road hogging MAMIL.

Whereas if you wear normal clothes and no helmet you look like you are using a bike for transport rather than just blocking the road for the sake of it, so people are more patient.

My DH was like this but once he really got into it, he realized that it's not cool to ride without a helmet. No serious cyclist thinks it is.

He’s an idiot. On the one day I didn’t wear a helmet, I came off my bike and ended up in hospital with a head injury. As I lay bleeding at the side of the road, another cyclist fell off in the same spot. He had a helmet on, so just got up and back on his bike. The ambulance man who took me to hospital said he is a cyclist and he never used to wear a helmet till he started that job and started seeing all the cyclists with head injuries.
A friend went over his handle bars after a pedestrian walked out in front of him and he crashed straight into her. He crashed head down onto spiked railings. The only reason he is alive/ not permanently brain damaged is because he was wearing his helmet.

He’s an adult

@MaryBlighthouse

I came off my bike and ended up in hospital with a head injury. As I lay bleeding at the side of the road, another cyclist fell off in the same spot. He had a helmet on, so just got up and back on his bike

Your anecdote isn't really relevant. There are robust scientific studies on the subject.

Very true but as you suggest the big difference is that those cities have a much better cycling infrastructure, along side a legal system that assumes an accident between a cyclist and a car is the fault of the car driver, so its much safer to ride there. I cycle regularly in the UK and abroad and won't get on a bike without wearing a helment - it's just common sense. I also ride with a women's cycling club that has very distinctive kit - there is no doubt that we are women and unfortunately it doesn't seem to make any difference to how car drivers pass us.

Your DP is crazy and it is not just his life that he will affect if anything goes wrong.

My DH was still relatively young when he was knocked off his bike on a rural road one beautiful summer morning.

It was the back of his head that hit the road. His brain bounced, with mid line shift and he destroyed his frontal cortex. He survived 10 weeks in a coma before dying, but not before he had gone through surgery, had half his skull removed and we had gone through 66 days of uncertainty as to whether he would survive, or die. 66 days of stressing about whether he would live the rest of his life in a vegetative state, not knowing who we were and with very little quality of life.

The financial mess he left behind changed my life and that of our children irrevocably. With no life Insurance our home had to be sold and the emotional trauma and loss from what happened has never left me. To the extent that I have never had another relationship and I live my life constantly nervous about what else is just around the corner …..

I will never know why his helmet wasn’t on his head that day. He normally wore one. But no helmet meant no claim against the driver he who hit him, or rather no guarantee that a claim would succeed. It also meant that he was vilified by the press and even blamed by friends and family, despite the fact that the evidence was strongly supportive of my belief that he was not to blame for the accident.

Sorry OP. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Your DP needs to recognise that he is not invincible and if it all goes wrong it will very likely cause terrible trauma for you and your family as well as changing his life for ever.

God @Slowlyslippingaway what a terrible event for your family. I’m waiting for someone to post that your anecdote isn’t relevant as has been posted above.

I can’t really understand why some posters are so determined to argue against helmets. Cyclists know that if they end up under the wheels of an HGV that a helmet isn’t going to save them. However there are so many other ways that accidents can happen. My DH was wiped out by a pedestrian stepping out in front of him while on her phone. I’ve had drivers open their doors of parked cars in my path. Poor weather conditions, black ice. One cyclist was killed having slipped on gravel in Richmond park. ( no-one else involved) and the collision i mentioned previously with 2 cyclists hitting head on. ( one without the helmet died) I would have thought even if helmets offer only a slight benefit that it would be worth it given the risk of life altering injuries or death.

He should spend a few hours in resus in A&E.m. The difference between a cyclist vs car if the cyclist was or was not wearing a helmet, is chilling.

If you bullseye a windscreen because a driver hasn’t seen you, you really want to be wearing a helmet…

I can’t really understand why some posters are so determined to argue against helmets.

Neither can I, given that all the posters who work in healthcare at the sharp end are saying the opposite.

I wouldn't cycle on any of my local roads without a helmet. They are narrow, winding country lanes and the chances of being clipped by a car and knocked off my bike are higher than being on a cycle lane in a city.

It's obvious that ending up under the wheels of a lorry is going to be bad news regardless of what you are wearing, but in the main most people are thinking of more minor accidents where wearing a helmet would make quite a difference.

Claiming to be a careful cyclist is silly because an accident is something unexpected that you can't anticipate - like a pedestrian stepping in front of you or an animal running out in front of you.

I never argue against helmets, like I said before they make everything better all of the time, every activity you can think of, a helmet will always be a benefit except maybe diving.

But I do argue against making people wear them

There is a website called bored panda, I went on there yesterday and there was a thread showing various helmets of accident victims that basically showed the fact that helmets stop head injuries.

Ah, well, @Caramelsmadfuzzytail , if it says it on Bored Panda, it must be true.

Don't be mean.
I just happened to see it. Maybe it could be a visual aid to the argument of not wearing a helmet.
Personally I don't ride a bike because my knees are fucked.

Neither can I, given that all the posters who work in healthcare at the sharp end are saying the opposite.

But with due respect, most Dr's and nurses aren't specialists in dynamics so aren't typically qualified to judge the relative merits of a myriad of accidents involving head impacts. It's largely conjecture whether the same person would've been significantly better off with/without as helmets are mostly only tested up to 14mph and using a drop test method. Unlike car NCAP tests, dummies aren't used and realistic (high speed) road accidents aren't simulated, essentially because they're not designed to provide that level of protection.

Helmets are a massive compromise and not all helmets are equal. Most people I see riding look like they've spent the least amount of money possible and don't even wear them properly. I'd imagine most don't even change them regularly, rendering them useless. Drop one accidentally and they're also useless and need replacing straight away. That tells you a lot about the limitations of cycle helmets.

I wear one and spent a lot of money on a highly rated Specialized but am under no illusions that it'll do anything as I'm mostly cycling well above 14mph.

Go visit Holland for a bit. Noone wears a helmet there.