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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner refusing to wear bike helmet

204 replies

Minky719 · 05/08/2022 17:15

Hello Mumsnet,

I’m fairly sure I’m not being unreasonable here but wanted to get some further opinions on this.

DP purchased a bike recently and has been enjoying going for bike rides after work in the good weather. We live in the middle of a large City, so much of the cycling is done on main roads.

The issue I’m having is he just refuses to wear a helmet. He didn’t originally purchase one when he got the bike which I called him up on, and he did then buy a helmet soon after. It fits fine so no issues there, but he’s probably worn it once.

He’s just gone out on a bike ride and yet again is not wearing a helmet. I told him before he left now that I’m not happy about it and asked him why he can’t just wear one when he can see it bothers me (not to mention the very obvious dangers associated with not wearing one). His response is that’s he’s a competent cyclist, he’ll be fine etc. Of course I do not want him to have an accident, but I don’t know how to make him realise it’s important to wear one!

I completely get it’s his choice and there’s no legal requirement to wear one but AIBU here?

Thanks

OP posts:
MooseBeTimeForSnow · 05/08/2022 23:42

I see large numbers of helmet wearers wearing them incorrectly - pushed too far back or not fastened.

This poor boy wouldn’t wear a helmet because it would mess up his hair metro.co.uk/2013/08/21/teenage-cyclist-who-didnt-wear-helmet-because-he-didnt-want-to-mess-up-his-hair-in-coma-after-collision-with-van-3932434/amp/

Wheelz46 · 05/08/2022 23:55

All the posters who choose not to wear a helmet when cycling, just wondered what rules you have if you have children, are you okay with them not wearing a helmet?

Choopi · 05/08/2022 23:59

Yes, presumably you've raised the same objections about him driving, walking and crossing roads, cycling with a helmet on...... the list is endless

People don't tend to walk along busy roads with the traffic. In cars people use seatbelts. Like don't wear a helmet if you don't want to but pretending walking along the pavement is the same as going 25km an hour on busy roads is just pathetic.

Lovetogarden2022 · 06/08/2022 00:01

I don't think it's unreasonable at all. I had a bike accident about 9 years ago and had I not been wearing a helmet I'd be dead. There was no other car involved (thank god) - I just misjudged a "shadow" on the road for a pothole and went straight over the handlebars. In a split second that could have been the end of me.
He has a responsibility to the people who love him to make good decisions.

autienotnaughty · 06/08/2022 05:25

I came off my bike and hit my head . Luckily I had a helmet on but i still had a mild concussion that the symptoms lasted several weeks. I dread to think how much worse I would have felt with no helmet

scarletisjustred · 06/08/2022 06:03

A bit different but somebody I was riding with had an accident falling from a horse. She ended up hitting rockhard ground from a height and landed on her shoulder and head. Thanks to her helmet she had a headache rather than a fractured skull. My son's a medical student and what he saw in med school made him give up the idea of cycling ever.

FlippertyGibberts · 06/08/2022 07:51

etulosba · 05/08/2022 23:40

I don’t wear a bike helmet unless legally obliged to. I also drive a car with no seatbelts fitted.

Yeah, me too - it really adds a frisson of excitement to my day 😂.

I think that part of growing up to be a functional adult is accepting some relatively small and inconsequential things that are highly likely to make you safer. Of course, you could rail against them and 'do your own risk assessment' (whatever that means, because it sure as hell doesn't mean to do your own risk assessment in the vast majority of cases), but it'd be quicker and easier just to accept it and get on with life.

Yeezytiger · 06/08/2022 07:59

back seat car passengers are also statistically at risk of head injuries, even wearing a seat belt, shall we maje helmets compulsory for them too

Sunnyqueen · 06/08/2022 08:04

Well that's up to him if he wants to risk being severely injured not much you can do, he's not a child.

I'd conveniently want to start watching 24 hours in a and e with him, there's literally a cyclist in most episodes

Yeezytiger · 06/08/2022 08:04

Rampantivy, pedestrians are at a greater risk than cyclists, motor vehicles are the problem, not people going abput thdur day either cycling, scooting, running, walking

RampantIvy · 06/08/2022 08:26

Rampantivy, pedestrians are at a greater risk than cyclists,

A pedestrian walking on the pavement is at greater risk than a cyclist on the road? Not sure this is true.

Or are you talking about pedestrians who step into the road without looking?

Clarinet1 · 06/08/2022 08:27

My DB was in a bike accident at the age of 19 and went through the back window of a car. We were lucky he was not killed or brain damaged - as it was, when they got him to hospital they thought he’d lost a eye. He still bears the scars to this day after multiple surgeries and for years had to walk around with a large, lumpy skin graft on his nose. Ask your DP how embarrassing he would find that.

Whataretheodds · 06/08/2022 08:33

girlfriend44 · 05/08/2022 17:32

I have heard of children being buried for wearing a helmet

Show quote history

OP's poster is not a child.

OP, do you have children? Does he have life insurance and accident insurance? Has he made a will? I think I'd be starting a conversation about all of those things.

Brefugee · 06/08/2022 08:57

All the posters who choose not to wear a helmet when cycling, just wondered what rules you have if you have children, are you okay with them not wearing a helmet?

Caveat: i am not in the UK but one of the countries with good cycling infrastructure.
Yes, i insisted they wear helmets. As i did when they went ice-skating too or bombing around on their scooters. The reason? A child falling and knocking their head on the hard ground can be fatal. The chances of falling while riding a bike, skating or using a scooter are higher than just walking around. So statistically and for safety reasons i insisted on helmets.

After about primary age they stopped, which is pretty usual here.

I think there are also studies that show where countries have mandatory cycling helments, participation in cycling (particularly among women) drops off sharply.

OP in your position? I would insist that we had the best insurance cover, and i would be clear (not sure what your actual position on this is) that i am not and never will be a 24 hour nurse to someone and that they must have enough insurance to cover a care home. (but also even with helmet use, tbh)

Soubriquet · 06/08/2022 09:20

Rickrollme · 05/08/2022 22:38

You should look into those inflatable helmets. They are expensive but they supposedly work well. When I see someone without a helmet I assume they are not very intelligent.

Show quote history

Thank you. I wasn’t aware of these. Tbh it’s a moot point anyway since I no longer cycle but it’s something to remember

dentydown · 06/08/2022 09:22

My son was riding his bike and fell off. His head hit a metal post. It looked very serious and there was a massive bang. He was on the ground for an eternity (a few seconds). I was expecting the worse. He then promptly got up and started complaining he had grazed his elbow.

that’s when I realised he was wearing a helmet! If he wasn’t wearing a helmet, I reckon it would have been at least a hospital stay.

CapMarvel · 06/08/2022 09:52

Most people greatly overestimate how much protection bike helmets actually provide. All the anecdotes about "my friend is a nurse" don't actually mean much when evidence is surprisingly shaky as to how effective helmets are.

Yes, in some cases they reduce injury. In other cases they can make drivers less careful around cycles, encourage a false sense of security and can also contribute to certain types of injury.

Given all that, it has to be personal choice.

Eunorition · 06/08/2022 09:52

It's completely a personal choice. There's evidence and studies that show they have little to no benefit and can make cycling more dangerous as cars treat you even worse. I never wear one and would deeply dislike anyone trying to tell me to do so. Mind your own.

TheGetaway · 06/08/2022 09:56

YABU - it’s personal choice.

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.

TheGetaway · 06/08/2022 10:05

When I see someone without a helmet I assume they are not very intelligent

What a crazy comment. Although evidence shows that motorists give cyclists without helmets more room and consideration. So that’s a valid reason for not wearing one

dozydoo · 07/08/2022 09:32

Dh is a firefighter, he has seen all sorts of collisions with cyclists, he is also a keen cyclist & would never not wear a helmet. It's just not worth the risk because you think someone in a car MIGHT be more careful around you, they also probably won't be though.

Dh is a very good & careful cyclist, but an old lady knocked him off his bike last year, as she apparently didn't see him (he was in very obvious colours!) his bike was totalled as she ran straight over it, he had serious cuts & grazes & bruises all over his body from being sent flying down the road & his helmet was scraped to bits, that could have been his head! Safety isn't really something to fuck about with, especially when you're counting on other people being careful, because they're just not.

madasawethen · 07/08/2022 09:45

Tell him he's being silly. He doesn't want his head cracked like an egg.

BatshitBanshee · 07/08/2022 09:57

I mean...

He can do what he wants, it's his head. But my DGF was cycling to work sans helmet, got hit by a car and was in a coma for weeks before he died. Leaving my DGM a widow and my parent fatherless at a very young age, a loss that affected them and our wider family greatly.

So. There's the possibility of death or a traumatic brain injury to deal with when you could have just bought a fucking helmet.

FlippertyGibberts · 07/08/2022 11:24

TheGetaway · 06/08/2022 10:05

When I see someone without a helmet I assume they are not very intelligent

What a crazy comment. Although evidence shows that motorists give cyclists without helmets more room and consideration. So that’s a valid reason for not wearing one

I think this is cherry picking evidence / scraping the bottom of the barrel a bit here - there's also a lot of research that shows you're statistically less likely to be seriously injured or die if you're wearing a helmet.

TheGetaway · 07/08/2022 11:52

FlippertyGibberts · 07/08/2022 11:24

I think this is cherry picking evidence / scraping the bottom of the barrel a bit here - there's also a lot of research that shows you're statistically less likely to be seriously injured or die if you're wearing a helmet.

Show quote history

tbh. It was a tongue in cheek response to the ridiculous comment I highlighted.

Anyway, people’s personal experience and opinions are irrelevant really. The OP’s DH is entitled to make his own decision.

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