Partner refusing to wear bike helmet

[Minky719]

Hello Mumsnet,

I’m fairly sure I’m not being unreasonable here but wanted to get some further opinions on this.

DP purchased a bike recently and has been enjoying going for bike rides after work in the good weather. We live in the middle of a large City, so much of the cycling is done on main roads.

The issue I’m having is he just refuses to wear a helmet. He didn’t originally purchase one when he got the bike which I called him up on, and he did then buy a helmet soon after. It fits fine so no issues there, but he’s probably worn it once.

He’s just gone out on a bike ride and yet again is not wearing a helmet. I told him before he left now that I’m not happy about it and asked him why he can’t just wear one when he can see it bothers me (not to mention the very obvious dangers associated with not wearing one). His response is that’s he’s a competent cyclist, he’ll be fine etc. Of course I do not want him to have an accident, but I don’t know how to make him realise it’s important to wear one!

I completely get it’s his choice and there’s no legal requirement to wear one but AIBU here?

Thanks

Rampantivy, its about allowing people to take their own risks about their own bodies, be it over eating, over drinking, smoking, skiing, jumping out of planes, horse riding, crossing the road whilst looking at your phone - any number of reasons why people end up in a and e.

Threeimaginaryboys - wearing a seatbelt is compulsory, wearing a bike helmet is not

I know someone whose husband suffered a massive head injury from a bike accident years ago. He was wearing a helmet and the doctors reckoned he would have died without one. He was in ICU for months.

Now he is 'recovered' and has been sent home. Helpless. She had 3 children in primary school, now she has 3 children and a totally dependent, speechless adult to look after. The children are growing up in a strange state of living with their dad's living body but without their dad.

One day we were talking about her life and I got close to asking how she would have felt if he had died. She must have sensed that as she looked at me sadly and said 'It is never considered acceptable to say that you wish your husband had died.'

They are in their thirties. Her life stretches ahead with the choice of either caring for his fit, healthy body or 'putting him in care'.

'At least he wasn't killed'. Just as well he was wearing a helmet?

I agree, but it is thoughtless not to understand that taking risks impacts other people.

Since I became a parent I have become far more risk averse.

My friends dad left his family in tatters when he died due to a collision on his bike due to no helmet.

this is a quote countryside area and it’s because another cyclist bumped into him - so not even the dangers of a busy town or city…

www.theargus.co.uk/news/14494391.amp/

Better a smashed helmet than a smashed skull.

Dumb move

Tricky.

he’s an autonomous adult so he’s being perfectly reasonable.

research seems to indicate that he’d be safer with a helmet.

Rampantivy - so would you say the sane to an obese smoking parent?

Mrsskykerwhite - depends which research you read!

I wouldnt say anything to anyone that I think leads a risky likestyle because it is none of my business.

But yes, I would judge them (and keep my opinions to myself - or post them on mumsnet ).

Every single cyclist I know who cycles regularly has come off their bike at one time or another - fortunately nothing worse than a broken arm, stitches in knee or back strain.
It is selfish and stupid of Partner not to consider his family in this decision.

My dad cycled to and from work every day for 40 years. His competence did not stop a transit van hitting him from behind at 40 mph. The helmet almost certainly saved his life.

Do you have children together? He is a twit for not wearing one but I would be really annoyed if he was setting a bad example to your kids.

Theres lots of pros and cons on both sides of the argument

However what I hate, and what Ive never really seen on other forums, is this 'it upsets me so he must change what he does'

You want him to change something he does which only concerns himself because it 'upsets you', this mentality is hugely controlling and is widespread on this site.

I had a bike accident this week and even with the helmet I had a 2 day headache, pretty sure the helmet saved me from a potentially more serious injury. It wasn't my fault or something I could have reasonably avoided either .

Probably a good idea to wear a helmet in the car too, there are plenty of head injuries in car accidents.

My old boss was an avid cyclist but never wore a helmet. He was knocked down next to his house by a neighbour reversing out of their driveway, hit his head awkwardly on the kerb, and died.
Tell your partner to wear the helmet!!! For God’s sake, is he a teenager trying to look cool??

Make sure you have good life insurance in place.

I think it's bloody stupid not wearing a helmet. I didn't used to, same as I didn't used to wear suncream and did loads of stupid dangerous shit. God I don't even think my mum BOUGHT me a helmet when I was a teenager for my bike or skates. I used to ride a motorbike without a helmet or any safety gear at all. Even after my brother fell off and broke his arm and nose (honestly my parents were a bit thick!)
But having DS has made me 1. More aware of my own safety. My child isn't losing his mum because I'm embarrassed to wear a helmet. And 2. He is never not wearing a helmet and I'm not a hypocrite.

The statistical evidence for or against helmets is not hugely convincing either way, but a confounding factor is that a lot of the oft quoted evidence from countries where helmet wearing is rare overlooks the fact that they also have excellent cycling infrastructure, specifically segregated and dedicated cycleways not the lines painted down the side of the road or shared paths that we are used to. Plus there is a different attitude to cyclists in many other countries. The first time I rode in Belgium I was blown away by how considerate the motorists were, even when I was on normal roads, and I've had plenty of friends tell me that other countries are even better. So it's all very hard to unpick.
Personally I always wear a helmet and I have had one accident where I'm pretty sure it saved me from a potentially life changing or fatal brain injury. But I don't think the evidence is strong enough to justify a change in the law, and whilst it isn't something I would do myself, I think it's a matter of personal choice. If a rider has looked at the evidence and made an informed decision that's their business. I have to say that I think not wearing a helmet because you're bothered about appearances is a bit stupid though.

You should look into those inflatable helmets. They are expensive but they supposedly work well. When I see someone without a helmet I assume they are not very intelligent.

🙋‍♀️ I would! And have. You want to look after your kids don't you? So why take risks with their parents life?

YABU. He's a grown man so whilst you are right to worry, it really is his choice and you shouldn't be nagging