Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner refusing to wear bike helmet

204 replies

Minky719 · 05/08/2022 17:15

Hello Mumsnet,

I’m fairly sure I’m not being unreasonable here but wanted to get some further opinions on this.

DP purchased a bike recently and has been enjoying going for bike rides after work in the good weather. We live in the middle of a large City, so much of the cycling is done on main roads.

The issue I’m having is he just refuses to wear a helmet. He didn’t originally purchase one when he got the bike which I called him up on, and he did then buy a helmet soon after. It fits fine so no issues there, but he’s probably worn it once.

He’s just gone out on a bike ride and yet again is not wearing a helmet. I told him before he left now that I’m not happy about it and asked him why he can’t just wear one when he can see it bothers me (not to mention the very obvious dangers associated with not wearing one). His response is that’s he’s a competent cyclist, he’ll be fine etc. Of course I do not want him to have an accident, but I don’t know how to make him realise it’s important to wear one!

I completely get it’s his choice and there’s no legal requirement to wear one but AIBU here?

Thanks

OP posts:
35965a · 05/08/2022 18:57

Make sure he has life insurance. I’m not even joking. Anyone who is that careless with their own safety needs it.

soundsystem · 05/08/2022 18:57

Eh? I don't wear a helmet and if my partner started having a go about it I'd not be impressed. I'm an adult and capable of making my own assessment of risk, thank you

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/08/2022 18:57

Geraint Thomas, Tour de France winner is probably also a pretty competent cyclist, but he fell off his bike yesterday.

Mischance · 05/08/2022 19:00

I worked for many years in a head injury service. Absence of helmets was a big source of patients for us. These are the things that happened to them:


  • living in a vegetative state for the rest of their lives.

  • losing the power of speech

  • losing mobility and facing life in a wheelchair

  • total personality change

  • feeling ravenously hungry all the time and unable to control their eating

  • losing the ability to dress themselves

  • being incontinent

  • losing intellectual skills (e.g. adding up)

  • being hopelessly forgetful

  • not recognising their loved ones

  • losing the ability to control their temper

  • marriage and family breakdown

I am sure you get the picture.

Those who think it will not happen to them as they are "competent cyclists" are idiots. They can be as competent as you like, but it does not stop other idiots smashing into them - a person on a bike without a helmet is no competition with a car.

Do you have children? - what sort of example is he setting them?

He is a prize A1 prat.

carefullycourageous · 05/08/2022 19:00

YABU. Your DP is an adult and can make his own legal choices. It may be a marginal risk increase depending on how and where you cycle. I never wore a helmet until I had children, now I wear one so as not to be a hypocrite, as I acknowledge the benefits of helmets and my children were more likely to just wobble off than me even when cycling in safe places.

But people for example drive open top cars - they are less safe than regular cars. People eat bacon, which is bad for them. People smoke. People drink. People ski. People cycle in the first place - why not say he can't cycle at all as that is safer than cycling without a helmet. Unless he drives and gets fat, in which he would die earlier...

Risk is complicated. It is his head.

LilianLenton · 05/08/2022 19:02

Ask him to check if his life insurance will pay out if he dies of a brain injury due to not wearing one.

CactusBlossom · 05/08/2022 19:07

If you have children, and you are financially dependent on him, I would suggest asking him if he has made a Will. That way he will know you are taking things seriously and he needs to think what could happen if he is in a serious accident. It doesn't have to be his "fault" -- many cyclists are killed on roads because of accidents, blindspots, road conditions etc.

purplecorkheart · 05/08/2022 19:19

Neighbour here fell off his bike with a helmet and has a slight brain injury with the helmet that has changed his personality along with other issues. God knows what kind of injury he would have if he did not have his helmet. He struck a slight rut in the road that he cycled daily. Accidents happen no matter how good a cyclist you are.

JillFromHolt · 05/08/2022 19:30

Another one who's husband was saved by his bike helmet. Very competent cyclist in a well known cycling city, someone knocked into him on a roundabout. His bike was completely crushed but luckily not his head. It's a non-negotiable in our house along with hi vis and loads of lights!

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 05/08/2022 19:31

If you haven't got one already, get a meat mallet and 'bonk' him on the head each time he goes out on his little bike without a helmet.
Increase the 'bonk' each time and then switch to to the spikey side and double the intensity. Tell him this is just a taster of what he'll get if he gets knocked off his bike in a bus lane.

Failing this, let his tyres down.

ThreeImaginaryBoys · 05/08/2022 19:33

Just tell him that as you're a competent driver you no longer feel the need to wear a seatbelt.

FlippertyGibberts · 05/08/2022 19:33

Keepithidden · 05/08/2022 18:24

Google "cycle helmet debate" there's loads of inconclusive evidence either way!

Inconclusive evidence can't be either way, by its nature 😄.

maras2 · 05/08/2022 19:35

Feckin' eejit 😡
Does he have the same attitude towards seat belts.

Choopi · 05/08/2022 19:36

When I was in HDU last year there was a cyclist in the bed beside me. He had been wearing a helmet but still obviously had some kind of brain injury, he asked all day and night where he was, didn't recognise his wife when she came in, kept repeating that he was late for work and trying to get out of bed and leave. God only knows what state he would be in if he wasn't wearing one.
I cycle, just around town to the shops or whatever and always wear one. I know I'm a safe cyclist but I don't trust everyone else on the road to be safe.

HeyHeyer · 05/08/2022 19:40

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at request

Dobbyismyabsolutefav · 05/08/2022 19:46

I don't understand anyone who cycles, or skis, without a helmet. My DH cycles and always wears one even just rolling down hill to the station especially as our roads have so many pot holes it is easy to come off your bike.

I have friends who have serious accidents in cycling and skiing and both have been saved by their helmets.

bigbluebus · 05/08/2022 19:47

As a youngster I cycled everywhere without a helmet as they didn't exist then - same as car seats and seat belts. I would absolutely not go out on my bike now without one. Idiot drivers, pot holed roads are just 2 of the reasons. My DH was reluctant to wear one until I pointed out that it was difficult to insist our DS wears one if he didn't. He also never goes out without one now.
I know someone whose DH was found in a ditch with his bike 4 weeks after their baby was born. He had no idea how he got there but they're pretty certain the baby would not have a father if he hadn't been wearing a helmet.

Your DP can indeed make his own decision. You can also do your best to convince him of the reasons in favour of helmets

gatehouseoffleet · 05/08/2022 19:56

Abra1d1 · 05/08/2022 17:23

People in cities where cycling is a big part of life: Cologne, Amsterdam, etc, don't wear helmets. I wonder how their head injuries compare with ours. Or is it because they have more cycle-safe areas?

I don't wear one all the time on our quieter country roads.

There is some evidence to show that women cyclists are safer without helmets, because their hair makes them more obviously female and so drivers slow down. I don't know if that's been updated.

Yes all of this.

I think if you do off-road cycling, you should wear a helmet because you might hit a tree. It's better to have something between your head and a tree.

If you ride on the road and are hit by a car, the helmet won't help.

Safer driving saves far more lives than helmets (which are usually not worn properly anyway).

I wear a helmet but only so busybodies people don't moan at me. I don't think it will save my head for a minute if I fall off.

gatehouseoffleet · 05/08/2022 19:56

I don't understand anyone who cycles, or skis, without a helmet

Ski-ing is completely different!

WTF475878237NC · 05/08/2022 20:04

How incredibly arrogant and selfish of him. Being a competent cyclist cannot protect you from a TBI when a car hits you. It will ruin all of your lives. It's one thing if he is wearing a helmet and the worst happens but it's like the people who said I don't need a seatbelt because I'm a good driver before they became written into legislation. Get a will, LPoA for health and finance and ditch the selfish arse if he gets a TBI. To me this is like saying I expect to behave as I please and you will just have to be my carer.

www.headway.org.uk/news-and-campaigns/campaigns/cycle-safety/#cycleHelmetEvidence

RampantIvy · 05/08/2022 20:05

Eh? I don't wear a helmet

Why not @soundsystem? You may be a competent cyclist, but you don't know how competent other road users are, or other users of wherever you cycle.

Yeezytiger · 05/08/2022 20:05

Do you also tell people to stop smoking? surely you should let people make their own risk assessments about their bodies. I would have thought driving on a motor way would be far more dangerous.

Jobsharenightmare · 05/08/2022 20:06

As far as I know they can't prevent concussion but can protect your skull in the even of a slow moving collision. I guess he's hoping he'll die outright?

RampantIvy · 05/08/2022 20:15

Yeezytiger · 05/08/2022 20:05

Do you also tell people to stop smoking? surely you should let people make their own risk assessments about their bodies. I would have thought driving on a motor way would be far more dangerous.

I don't think your analogy is the same at all. You don't suddenly die from a smoking related disease without warning.

Brefugee · 05/08/2022 20:18

In places with good cycling infrastructure and a culture of cycling as transport, helmet use (except among children) is rare.
So it looks as though in the UK there should be more helmet use as the infrastructure isn't that well developed in a lot of places.

There are also studies that show that more accidents occur among those who wear helmets compared to those who don't. It boils down to their own risk taking, and car drivers taking more risks around them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread