Did DD deserve to be told off??

[PillowFeather]

My sister came around earlier. DD (9) was being quite animated dancing around in the living room. I went to make a cup of coffee and just as I walked back into the room I heard my sister say “don’t come clarting around me!”. DD stopped dancing, gave a nervous laugh then retreated upstairs to her room. I shouted up that I’d made her a drink and got no reply so I went up to find her crying. I asked what was wrong and she shouted at me to go away.

I went back downstairs and asked my sister what had happened and she said “she was doing that stupid dance around me and I can’t be arsed with it, she needs to grow up”.

DD is quite immature for her age and it doesn’t help that my niece (sisters DD) is the same age but mature for her age. Niece is spending the holidays hanging out with friends whereas DD doesn’t have any friends 😞

I can’t get it out of my head, I think DD was embarrassed and I don’t think she deserved to be told off?! Or am I being soft?

To be honest if I'd gone round my sisters house to see her and my niece was dancing around all over the place, it would irritate me too.

I think your sister needs to grow up and remember she’s a child and she’s in said child’s house.

She wasn’t told off though - she was just told ‘don’t come clarting round me’ wasn’t she? To be honest I wouldn’t think it was too cute if a nine year old was jumping and dancing all round the place. I find when parents say their child is ‘animated’ it usually means ‘running roughshod all over the shop’ and at 9 I’d say ‘go and do something while me and auntie Jen have a cuppa.’

Is she quite sensitive? Running upstairs and crying in bed because you’ve been told not to dance around someone is a bit OTT.

Your sister sounds horrible.. Your DD was dancing, what's wrong with that?
I'd have actually told my sister not to be such a bitch and to apologise for DD. I wouldn't be inviting her round again while my DD was there either.

She is fucking 9 not 19 they all piss about dancing

Seriously I would be more concerned about an overly mature child than an immature one

I think your sister was very unkind!

If this was one of my nieces I’d just talk to them about calming down, not snap at them.

Kids are only kids for such a short time- she likes dancing and moving, this really isn't an issue especially at 9! Let her be her and ignore your moody sister.

Nine is still a child isn't it? What's wrong with a 9yo child dancing around their own house? If she was banging into your sister or spilling her drink or something fair enough, but if she was just dancing around then what's the issue?

Also for a NT 9 year old I’d expect them to be able to communicate a bit more appropriately - sitting having a chat or showing toys/crafts etc to a visitor. Jumping round and acting daft is the kind of thing I’d expect from a 2/3 year old excited to have a visitor, not a 9 year old.

She wasn’t running around she acts out plays/musicals etc. She’s low on confidence and was clearly embarrassed by the whole thing.

Last weekend my dad asked her in front of all her cousins why she talks like a baby. She was embarrassed then too. I know she’s immature for her age but I can’t tell her to go out with friends when she doesn’t have any.

I think your sister was unnecessarily grumpy, she needs to work on her own tolerance and maturity if she snaps at a 9 year old just dancing around. Your daughter sounds a bit over sensitive but maybe that’s just her personality

Depends what she was doing, just dancing around having fun, sis is UR.
If dd was in her face and personal space thinking she was being funny but just being invasive, sis NBU!

A lot of people saying this, and I sort of get it. But some kids are always dancing, or singing, or doing anything to get attention and it's exhausting and annoying. You can't expect other people to have the same level of patience for your child as you do.

She was hardly told off - your sister just didn't want her dancing around her, tbh I'd be the same.

Nine year olds are still young and there's nothing wrong with them dancing and being nine years old.

She didn't get told off, she got told to pack it in with the dancing around near your sister. I don't think it's harsh for a relative to tell a child to calm down. Don't dwell on it.

I've never heard the phrase 'clarting around' before by the way, I love hearing regional things like that. Clarty or clarted up means dirty to me.

Why? It's her house. If someone was annoyed at me dancing round my house I'd direct them to the door and tell them to remove the stuck from their arse on the way out 👍

I think we (vague gesture) sometimes expect kids to grow up a lot faster nowadays. At 9 I was very much a child and still playing and behaving like a child. Nowadays 9yos seem so grown up in comparison. Not sure if that's a good thing or not. She may not be immature, just a 9yo being a child, which is what she is. I find the teenager-like 9yos a lot more unusual personally!

I wouldn't have considered that being told off tbh

Last weekend my dad asked her in front of all her cousins why she talks like a baby. She was embarrassed then too.

Does she put on a baby voice?

I think it’s impossible for us to say without seeing some of it as you see from the split responses. Tone can make a big difference as well and can be mid interpreted.

there is a separate issue of helping your daughter with friendships if she needs that.

She’s 9. Let her dance as much as she wants. Your sister sounds miserable.
Yea

Oh bless her, o think it's not what was said but possibly how it was said. Poor her going off to cry. What is happening to help her make some friends?

Well this is obviously mean of your father - did you intervene at the time to show your daughter it was unacceptable?

However, I still don’t think it’s out of order to ask a child of 9 to stop dancing around. I get what a pp says as well about some children being constantly attention grabbing - at 9 I’d expect more of a two way conversation, chat about school etc rather than just ‘ooh clever girl look at you dancing’ or sitting silently while a child dances around the room. That’s more what I’d expect from a toddler. But if it’s a common theme of family picking at her it’s no wonder she isn’t comfortable socialising appropriately with them, and it may feed into her not being able to talk to them. But I’d deal with it as an overall issue rather than piling it all onto one person saying ‘don’t come clarting round me.’

I don’t really know what clarting means in that context, I would know clart as being messy/dirty. Anyway it doesn’t sound like a nice way to speak to anyway. If you are annoyed by a child dancing what’s wrong with saying something like “please stop dancing/doing that” Although it’s the child’s house so unless she was being dangerous the aunt had no need to comment