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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did DD deserve to be told off??

603 replies

PillowFeather · 04/08/2022 20:46

My sister came around earlier. DD (9) was being quite animated dancing around in the living room. I went to make a cup of coffee and just as I walked back into the room I heard my sister say “don’t come clarting around me!”. DD stopped dancing, gave a nervous laugh then retreated upstairs to her room. I shouted up that I’d made her a drink and got no reply so I went up to find her crying. I asked what was wrong and she shouted at me to go away.

I went back downstairs and asked my sister what had happened and she said “she was doing that stupid dance around me and I can’t be arsed with it, she needs to grow up”.

DD is quite immature for her age and it doesn’t help that my niece (sisters DD) is the same age but mature for her age. Niece is spending the holidays hanging out with friends whereas DD doesn’t have any friends 😞

I can’t get it out of my head, I think DD was embarrassed and I don’t think she deserved to be told off?! Or am I being soft?

OP posts:
ChocoButterfly · 04/08/2022 21:00

I wouldn't class that as a telling off but I don't think it was tolerant and quite rude. Your DD does sound sensitive but I don't think that's a bad thing at all.

I'd be having a word with your sister. It's your house and your rules. If you don't like the way she spoke to your DD you have every right to tell your sister so. I think you should stick up for your DD.

BungleandGeorge · 04/08/2022 21:00

You were there did your sister raise her voice or say it in a horrible way?
when your dad spoke to her was she putting on a baby voice or just using her normal voice?
do you think there might be more to the lack of friends/immaturity?

CrossStitch87 · 04/08/2022 21:00

Depends.

if she was dancing around in the middle of the room your sister was being a grump.

if she was right up in her face or dancing near her to annoy her or whatever then I’m with your sister.

Original poster
PillowFeather · 04/08/2022 21:01

NancyJoan · 04/08/2022 20:59

Last weekend my dad asked her in front of all her cousins why she talks like a baby. She was embarrassed then too.

Does she put on a baby voice?

She does around family members yes, I have no idea why. I have asked her and she just gets defensive and upset.

OP posts:
Summersnearlygone · 04/08/2022 21:01

Your daughter should feel secure and protected in her own home and in this case she didn't.That would worry me.

Tee20x · 04/08/2022 21:01

She didn't get told off...your sister just told her not to dance around her?

saltinesandcoffeecups · 04/08/2022 21:02

OP, I do feel bad for your daughter and I suspect the immaturity is part of the problem with having no friends, it becomes a chicken or egg conundrum. She’s immature because she’s not getting the social cues that friends would give, but she’s not got the friends because she’s immature.

Is she in any clubs or activities that might help on the friends part?

Beyond that, I don’t think your sister was wrong, just as I don’t think your daughter was intentionally being annoying.

Runwalkskijump · 04/08/2022 21:02

Why does she do baby voices.

I wouldn't like someone dancing and acting out musicals around me either

alexdgr8 · 04/08/2022 21:02

can't you teach her to be aware of other people.
the living room is not a playground, or a stage, esp when there are visitors.
maybe you indulge her too much.
children need to learn consideration for others, and not to just do whatever they feel like, whenever.
i don't believe they should expect the world to revolve around them; they need to fit in.

Thepossibility · 04/08/2022 21:03

Your sister is out of order. Your dad too. Your DD was just enjoying herself in her own home. She is a child. Who gives a fuck that her cousin is popular?!
My niece is that age and drives me mad wanting to watch her dance. I watch her a couple of times then basically chat around her, I certainly wouldn't be mean to her.

MeenzAmRhoi · 04/08/2022 21:03

I would've been annoyed honestly. My kids, so long as they're not being horrible to anyone, are allowed to dance around if they want to in their own house. Your sister could've asked nicely to dance away from her if your daughter was too close but clearly she was horrible in the way she said it for your daughter to be so upset. That's not on.

Scuttlingherbert · 04/08/2022 21:04

I think when you're being joyful and happily doing something very 'you' and someone takes the wind out of your sails it can feel really mortifying. I totally get why she was upset.

What does clarting mean?
In my family 'clarty' means muddy. Like if we're all going for a walk at Christmas and deciding on footwear someone will say "is it going to be clarty?"

Moonface123 · 04/08/2022 21:04

Your sister sounds utterly miserable. What's so wrong about dancing ? I'm 53 and still love to dance, its good for you, improves your mood. Never stop dancing.
There's obviously comparisons being made between the two young girls, don' t get into that, celebrate each ones individuality. Your neice may seem more popular now, but friendships are very fickle that age, l hope your daughter enjoys the rest of school holidays, keep away from old misery guts and do you have any pets ? We adopted an old stray cat when l was a similar age to your daughter, he was the love of my life, animals are very good at making you feel less lonely.

tootiredtospeak · 04/08/2022 21:05

My 10 year old DS still dances around spins and is generally annoying. If he gets too much I tell him. I wouldn't be annoyed with my sister but then again I know she isnt mean so if she said this it must have been annoying.

Kanaloa · 04/08/2022 21:05

PillowFeather · 04/08/2022 21:01

She does around family members yes, I have no idea why. I have asked her and she just gets defensive and upset.

Show quote history

Hmm. See this makes me wonder if perhaps people are just saying normal things to her and you (and by extension she) are very very sensitive to any perceived criticism. What was your father’s tone like? Was it just ‘oh why are you talking like a baby Holly? You can talk normally.’ Or was it nasty/mean? Sometimes I think we need to let our kids experience certain things and support them to deal with it. If she’s baby talking and dancing in people’s faces it won’t help her make friends - as her mum it’s tempting to wrap her up in cotton wool to protect her from upset but realistically it’s more helpful to help her see that these aren’t good ways of communicating with others.

LikeAStar1994 · 04/08/2022 21:05

Your sister sounds miserable. Does she hate seeing being happy or something?

Thepossibility · 04/08/2022 21:05

alexdgr8 · 04/08/2022 21:02

can't you teach her to be aware of other people.
the living room is not a playground, or a stage, esp when there are visitors.
maybe you indulge her too much.
children need to learn consideration for others, and not to just do whatever they feel like, whenever.
i don't believe they should expect the world to revolve around them; they need to fit in.

She wants her family to watch her, to validate her. To build her up a bit. That's what family is for, especially if she struggles with friends.

LikeAStar1994 · 04/08/2022 21:06

*Hate seeing kids

Original poster
PillowFeather · 04/08/2022 21:06

She joined a youth club but lasted only one session. I tried her with martial arts and she lasted a few weeks but left because she kept getting told off.

I don’t know where the baby voice comes from or why she does it, she denies doing it.

She was dancing in the centre of the room and I suppose got too close to my sister. (It’s not a big room).

OP posts:
SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 04/08/2022 21:06

I have never heard of clarting around, but is it a colloquialism for pissing about?
What your sister said to your daughter wasn't unduly harsh. But, the way she spoke about her to you was shit and THAT I would be challenging.
Is there a particular reason why your daughter has no friends?
Your family needs to stop chatting shit about your daughter, though, and it's YOUR job to enforce this.

SmugglersHaunt · 04/08/2022 21:06

supersonicginandtonic · 04/08/2022 20:48

To be honest if I'd gone round my sisters house to see her and my niece was dancing around all over the place, it would irritate me too.

What?! Then don’t go there. What’s wrong with you?

Cheerfulcharlie · 04/08/2022 21:07

Ah, I feel sad for your daughter. I think that was a bit mean of your sister. Your daughter was just having fun, being a kid and probably trying to entertain / get the attention of her aunt. I’m not surprised she was upset. I’d make light of it with your daughter and have a ‘light’ word with your sis telling her not to be so miserable around her. No need to make a massive deal about it or fall out though.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 04/08/2022 21:08

saltinesandcoffeecups · 04/08/2022 21:02

OP, I do feel bad for your daughter and I suspect the immaturity is part of the problem with having no friends, it becomes a chicken or egg conundrum. She’s immature because she’s not getting the social cues that friends would give, but she’s not got the friends because she’s immature.

Is she in any clubs or activities that might help on the friends part?

Beyond that, I don’t think your sister was wrong, just as I don’t think your daughter was intentionally being annoying.

I agree with this.

I must admit though, baby noises/voices would drive me demented. And I think asking a child to talk normally isn’t unfair

Holidayy · 04/08/2022 21:09

Loads of kids that age talk in baby voices from time to time. So what?!

On the groups thing OP, have you tried cubs?

tillytown · 04/08/2022 21:09

Are there any drama or dance classes near you that she could go to? They would be a great way for her to gain some confidence and make friends

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