To think that my contributions to our family home count for anything?

[Greenlife1]

I know that I have few rights as per current legislation but am I being unreasonable to think I have earned a segment of our next family home (I'm talking in terms of ethical principles not legality)

Living with partner of 15 years and our 4 children. He is buying a house outright which will be paid for by selling the house we have lived in for 10 years and is also owned by him. I have worked and contributed to running the household for 15 years and have, of course, sacrificed career progression to support my family and his career, not to mention, I have also grafted on the current house, helping to increase its value and spent small amounts of money on it when I have been able to.

Partner thinks I'm ludicrous to even have these thoughts as I've not put in any big amounts of money. I had hoped I might be able to aim for a small mortgage on our next home that I could pay off myself to give me some security and to just feel like I have a place in the world that I have earned but he wants to own it outright.

Marriage not on cards right now for various reasons.

This is completely wrong. Why do people believe this?
natcen.ac.uk/news-media/press-releases/2019/january/almost-half-of-us-mistakenly-believe-that-common-law-marriage-exists/

My husband bought our house in my name as well. The house will one day go to our child. We are therefore united as a family and well protected. There's a reason marriage has always been so important to protect the family unit. But yeah, you just contribute your bit to the "partnership" and see how far that gets you in reality.

Let me guess; marriage isn’t on the cards because he doesn’t want to marry.

OP, how the hell did you end up in this position. What were you thinking? Marry him / get your own property.

Exactly, it's things like this that should probably go on the 'what would be good to learn at school' thread in PSE or something! (Think its called that?)

Unless he (or you) is already married, filling out the paperwork and going to a Registry Office should not be a problem.

If you have been together 15 years and he is still legally married to someone else you run the risk of his legal wife obtaining his assets.

YABVU to have 4 children and not understand the financial security a marraige contract brings.

Exactly. What people think "should" be carries no weight.

The legal protections of marriage exist for a reason. Having four kids without that, and with a man who apparently could give a shit about your financial security, was a choice.

It's too bad you find yourself in this predicament. But you need to start working toward independent financial security ASAP.

Doesn’t matter you contributed 50% or that you provided childcare or bought a few things for the home, you won’t be entitled to a Penny of it.

If you lived in a rented house for 15 years with a mate and paid 50% rent, you and your mate don’t automatically have some right to the funds in the house . It’s a lot like that.

Its not your house, your not on the deeds. I’d say he needs to marry you or I’d stop paying the 50% and save it for when he is finished screwing you over because you’re really going to need it .

Yes I've often thought this. My teen had half a PSE lesson.

Think of it this way, if you weren’t around, how much would it cost DP to pay someone to look after his children and take care of the house and home?

And if it wasn’t for her boyfriend, how much would it have cost for OP to house herself and four children for all these years?

She said she pays 50%.

And looks like she won't be back to tell anyone whether that's 50% of the mortgage, when it was acquired, WTF is going on. All a waste of time posting honestly.

Some of these comments are unbelievable. He’s not screwed her over. She’s chosen this. She knew the situation. She moved her self into his house, had four kids, gave up work or most of it, in return for him providing the bulk of the financial support. There was no screwing over, conning her, or any other such nonsense.

and why should he give a shit about her financial security when she herself didn’t give a shit and chose to habe four children when unmarried, likely poor in her own right, with no home of her own, she’s not some incapable little woman, she chose this and as a previous poster said, unless any of her births were multiples she’d four separate key decision points on whether to continue on her path. She knew the deal and she took it big time.

As many many posters have said before, you have no legal rights. As for moral, it doesn't really matter but for what it's worth... My DH brought 150k equity into our first house. He bought it 18 months after we were dating and it was all in his name. When we moved a few years later (when engaged) he automatically assumed I'd go on the mortgage and register 50:50. It's been 50:50 ever since despite him earning much more and having all of the equity. We don't have children and there was no real need for me to be 50:50 but it's what he viewed as fair.

The expensive part of a divorce is seldom the divorce itself, it's division of assets and arrangements for DC. If you have a kid and property with someone and you split, they can most certainly make things expensive for you if they feel like playing silly buggers. Choosing not to marry them won't protect you from that.

I took her post to mean she pays 50% of the bills, not of the mortgage.

I’d like clarification from the OP but, like you said, seems like she won’t be back.

Sounds like another who willingly went along with the “marriage is just a piece of paper” line. A mortgage contract is also a piece of paper, but I bet this man seems that to be very important.

Well you were foolish at best. your not married, he owned his property before you came along, He is selling and purchasing a new one and ensuring your not on the deeds. He isn't interested in marriage as it means you will be able to access his assets. Unless you can prove you contributed financially to his home your entitled to nothing as your not married. All you can hope for is that your in his will but based on what you have stated so far he will likely cut your out and hand everything over to his kids.

Your language is interesting OP. You say 'family home' but it never was, it was you living in your boyfriend's house for 15 years. You were together when house bought 10 years ago. I can't understand how you were ok with it being bought in his sole name.

This, sorry. Presumably you knew his stance. You made choices knowing you had no security.

You’ve been royally fucked here. Why on earth have you allowed this to happen?

You should probably get some legal advice. You can get a free half hour consultation if you can’t afford to
pay. Forget whether you’re being unreasonable or the ethics and get your legal house (so to speak) in order.

I said YABU because (assumably) he made you no promises and you knew the score when he bought (or inherited) the house you're in now and didn't put your name on it. It really has nothing to do with 'ethics', unless he promised you that your name would be on the house 'someday'. If so, then he's being unethical in not doing so. But it sounds as if he was 'upfront' about it from the first so he hasn't been 'unethical' per se, as in he hasn't deceived you.

Of course your contributions count for 'something', just not what you want them to count for and I assume he also makes 'contributions' towards the family above and beyond paying the mortgage. Both of your 'monthly' contributions count towards maintaining the household and putting food on the table.

He's made his position very clear, hasn't he? Nothing you can do about it legally so it's up to you to decide what (if anything) you intend to do about it 'practically'. Stop or reduce paying your share of the bills and start putting that money away for your own flat/home someday? Remove the 'impediment' to your marriage (if it's removable, that is)? Or leave.

Complete and utter bollocks.

How does marriage “ensure your safety and that of future children”. I broke up with my ex - I was the much wealthier and higher earning of us. If i had married him I would have lost a load of my assets. As it was, I walked away with everything and can make a good life for our kids post separation.

But then I wouldn’t ever have left myself with kids and no assets and nowhere to live. I don’t think it’s necessary to get married but if you plan to give up your job or work less, you need to have a plan.

YABU by not getting married and having four children, surely you realised that this could happen?

@Greenlife1 It amazes me that some people still believe this bollocks and that there is such a thing as a “common law” wife.

Oh dear Op I'm sorry you're in this situation. This is the main reason it's worth being married and ensuring property is in joint names regardless of who pays in what. I don't have any legal advice but I hope you find a solution.