To think that my contributions to our family home count for anything?

[Greenlife1]

I know that I have few rights as per current legislation but am I being unreasonable to think I have earned a segment of our next family home (I'm talking in terms of ethical principles not legality)

Living with partner of 15 years and our 4 children. He is buying a house outright which will be paid for by selling the house we have lived in for 10 years and is also owned by him. I have worked and contributed to running the household for 15 years and have, of course, sacrificed career progression to support my family and his career, not to mention, I have also grafted on the current house, helping to increase its value and spent small amounts of money on it when I have been able to.

Partner thinks I'm ludicrous to even have these thoughts as I've not put in any big amounts of money. I had hoped I might be able to aim for a small mortgage on our next home that I could pay off myself to give me some security and to just feel like I have a place in the world that I have earned but he wants to own it outright.

Marriage not on cards right now for various reasons.

at the moment I am not interested in being anyone's wife for financial reasons. No thanks!

Strange, given the question you're asking us, but if that's how you feel, then there's your answer. If you don't want a legal financial tie, you'll have to rely on his goodwill.

Wouldn't want your relationship.

I think it’s fucking outrageous OP and am on your side. But legally, you’re in a bind.

This.

Yes, morally your partner should acknowledge your contribution, and is an arsehole for not doing so.

But he isn't, is he? That's your problem - your partner is an arsehole. And he has the law on his side.

Tbh, i dont understand why this conversation hasn't happened before. Why did you give up your career and put all your energies into him without a conversation about where that would leave you financially?

I would refuse to pay anything then towards the monthly mortgage if he is claiming you have no rights. All other bills in theory shared. I've heard stories (albeit not sure if right) that people can claim part of house if they have paid towards the mortgage for a long time. Tbh you'd be better marrying then divorcing to take 50% back and then get your own place.

What's the reason for you having no savings/deposit? You've been working, and you don't pay any rent. Even as low earners you should be able to accrue some savings, which you could put towards your own investments.

@Banana2079 yes, have been working. That's been mentioned once or twice 🙄

Maybe stop trying to grab his house
you don’t own it nor have you paid toward mortgage for the first house
you paying a small amount toward new one then expecting your name on it Is ridiculous
it doesn’t matter how long you lived there rent free looking after kids you chose to do that and u could Have negotiated 50-50 but you didn’t
When my partner moved in with me I charged him rent
Ridiculous to expect your name on the house just because you have brought children up there for 15 years
You don’t even want to marry each other for various reasons you say . My guess is you are worried or one of you is worried Yeah there is going to leave hence why you want portion of his house and why he doesn’t want to put your name on the house. And I know you don’t like the word his but yes it is HIS

If you separate with you having a claim then it's drama. If you separate without the claim then there's a bit less red tape .

With divorce rates what they are I'd be wanting to future proof my families money.

Haven't read the thread (16 pages) and def not in anyway a lawyer but I had heard of something along the lines of some cases where you might be entitled to something. Could be completely wrong of course but I vaguely recall this being the general direction. www.lawteacher.net/free-law-essays/property-trusts/difference-between-common-intention-constructive-trusts-and-proprietary-estoppels-property-law-essay.php#:~:text=Proprietary%20estoppels%20usually%20can%20be,a%20resident%20in%20the%20property.

At any point in the past, now or in the future

You had or have the opportunity to walk away, earn money & buy your own property

You don't need a man

He has quite clearly told you
No marriage
No joint property

@Greenlife1 So a week on what’s the update?

have you written down or calculated all the pros/cons for both of you from this situation so you can have an objective conversation

e.g. saved on costs of living but lost the opportunity to gain equity in a property (as house prices have doubled). You have had valuable time being a mother and enjoying that but saved the family probably £100k on childcare. His career has progressed (?) but yours has not (find an old colleague at same level and show where they are now).

can you negotiate a % ownership of a new house eg if he puts all his equity as deposit then you buy a bigger house with your mortgage?

the advantage of not being married is you can buy a B2L house in your name without paying second home stamp duty, would he perhaps contribute towards a deposit for that, based on above?

have you both got wills and life insurance to support the other and your children in the event of anything happening?

will he now let you prioritise your career instead?

how has your career being on hold impacted your pension too? Is his pension registered with you as the beneficiary as if you are not married it won’t go to you if something happens to him.

No she isn’t. She needs to marry him. And if divorcing the courts would take into account how long they cohabitated, not just how long they’ve been married for.

I take it you are not in Scotland, OP? (As cohabitants do have limited rights there).

In the UK both parties need to consent to marriage...so she can want it all she likes. If he says no it's not going to happen

What good qualities does your partner have ?

Why stay ?

I was wondering if marriage is a definite ‘no’ because OP is already planning a split

I chortled at 'she just needs to marry him'. As if it's that easy, assuming he's the one with the 'no marriage' stance.

Right or wrong, I can see why he may not feel marriage is in his best interests. If his family 'bought him a house' (as OP indicated earlier) that sounds to me as if there is a possibility of other 'family money things' (inheritance, money gifts) down the line. This man can protect & provide for his children's financial future without jeopardizing his own, and hopefully he has done so. If OP has been repeatedly suggesting that her name go on the deeds (rightly or wrongly), perhaps he worries that she is more interested in the house than in him.

And TBH there are probably just as many good reasons for a woman NOT to marry. OP sounds as if she is well-paid. And perhaps there's 'family money' in the future for her, too, or the ability to create her own 'family money' for her DC that she'll want to keep as separate. She already feels that her Partner doesn't pull his weight in 'family duties' and apparently also feels he is unfair financially. She may feel the relationship is already on shaky ground. Why would she want to entangle herself legally with him even more than she's already entangled.

I know it all sounds a bit mercenary. But I think people are wise to look out for their own financial security. My DC are grown and gone, DH and I are retired and have joint finances and a 30+year marriage. But IF I should ever become single again I would NEVER remarry and never cohabit. What is mine will remain mine, for my DC. I don't care if this imaginary man is Bill Gates or Bill the Rag Picker.

I don’t think you are being U but I do think you’ve messed up.

The title was very misleading
should be my partner got given a house nether of us saved or paid for it
I’ve lived rent and mortgage free for 15 years
I think he should give my half of the house he was gifted

You don't have to be married tbf just much harder to get enforce cohabiting property rights if you're not