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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she is being a right CF?!

182 replies

Anon638292 · 31/07/2022 11:45

My lifelong friend had a baby shower recently. Her and DH don’t have much money to spare and it’s their first long awaited child, so I really went all out for them - a big item off their list, about £200 worth of baby clothes, a big gift for the mum-to-be, the full works.

HOWEVER…

The next day I then got sent a link, one of these ones where you can donate to buy them a slice of cake in a shop etc, saying ‘if you ever feel like spoiling me at all one day…’

AIBU to think this is being a right CF given that I had just been overly generous and ‘spoilt’ her the day before?!

OP posts:
Isseywith3witchycats · 31/07/2022 11:48

Not necessarily she probably just sent a group email and your name is on that group i dont think shes means you have to buy her a slice of cake just sometimes easier to send to a whole group than singling out individuals to take off the list for the one off

Original poster
Anon638292 · 31/07/2022 11:50

No it wasn’t a broadcast message, it was sent to me personally in a text because she had written a normal message in with it

OP posts:
TempName01 · 31/07/2022 12:07

Deliberately misunderstand and say ‘aw thanks that’s so kind, you know I love cake 😊’

Notimeforaname · 31/07/2022 12:10

You just write back " I've already spoiled you"

FoxCorner · 31/07/2022 12:11

Has she thanked you for all the baby shower gifts. If so I'd just ignore the message. If not I'd say something

cstaff · 31/07/2022 12:14

Wow that would be really off putting for me. I would be looking at her in a whole new light after that. Really fucking cheeky.

Mydogatemypurse · 31/07/2022 12:16

Maybe she was trying to say a piece of cake is enough and you dont have to go all out. She might be embarrassed.

Hallamus · 31/07/2022 12:17

She sounds like one of those people who has got so caught up in the excitement of their baby arriving that she has forgotten that millions of people have one every year. She doesn't deserve to be "spoiled" any more than anyone else really, but you being so generous at her shower may have led her to think you are subscribing to this worldview.

I would completely ignore it.

Does she ever do anything nice for you?

i dont think shes means you have to buy her a slice of cake just sometimes easier to send to a whole group than singling out individuals to take off the list for the one off

Erm who sends out a group message to all their friends begging for cake?!

In the nicest possible way OP, is there a pattern in your life of ending up with takers as friends?

Oh and YANBU!

Cheeseandlobster · 31/07/2022 12:17

Notimeforaname · 31/07/2022 12:10

You just write back " I've already spoiled you"

This. Maybe put "You cheeky moo 🤣🤣" after to make it more jokey if you have that sort of relationship

Aprilx · 31/07/2022 12:17

I have never heard of these “things” that you send to people asking them to buy you cake. How utterly bizarre! I would think that is cheeky whether I had just bought somebody a baby present or not.

britneyisfree · 31/07/2022 12:21

I'd do what pp suggested and say aw thanks can't wait to try it

britneyisfree · 31/07/2022 12:21

And yes she's a CF

gogogadgetgo · 31/07/2022 12:23

I think this would depend if it was a momentary level of twattishness or if this is standard behaviour.

What does she do for you? Not just money wise as You say she's strapped for cash. I have a lovely friend whose waste of space ex has left her to bring up their kid alone. She's never got any money. But she's generous with time and support and generally just awesome. Is she like this?

QueSyrahSyrah · 31/07/2022 12:26

Point of the thread aside, WTF is this link asking people to buy you cake? Is that a thing? It's a wildly CF who sends something like, even without being spoiled the day before!

Bettysnow · 31/07/2022 12:31

Sorry I know I sound silly but what is this thing about cake? I've never heard of it? Is it connected with the baby shower?
Why does she want people to buy her cake?
You have given her lovely gifts already surely a thank you message should have been sent to you and not another message wanting more.

WhatsInAMolatovMocktail · 31/07/2022 12:32

Yanbu

I’d write back and say, “I thought I spoiled you rotten yesterday and I did put a lot of thought into my gifts for you and for the baby, but I know sometimes gifts are a “miss”. If there is anything you didn’t especially like or if you are having second thoughts about the [big item on gift list], please let me know and I will get a refund. Then I can fund your cake habit for a year or so! 😉’

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 31/07/2022 12:33

If she hasn't acknowledged the gifts you gave her, I'd respond 'just checking you received my baby shower gifts?' and totally ignore the cake message.

If she has acknowledged receipt of the baby shower gifts I'd respond saying 'if only I'd know, cake would have been a helluva lot cheaper than what I bought you'

She sounds a bit 'Mumzilla' if there os such a thing.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 31/07/2022 12:34

Wtf!!!! What!!?

Fluffycloudland77 · 31/07/2022 12:35

If there wasn’t you've just invented it @RockingMyFiftiesNot

VerifiedBot2351 · 31/07/2022 12:36

Wow that is cheeky. Ask he if she liked the presents you got her. Has she even thanked you for them?

excelledyourself · 31/07/2022 12:42

Aprilx · 31/07/2022 12:17

I have never heard of these “things” that you send to people asking them to buy you cake. How utterly bizarre! I would think that is cheeky whether I had just bought somebody a baby present or not.

I've never heard of this either!

And agree that it's ridiculous, no matter what else you've bought her.

Talk about self-absorbed.

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 31/07/2022 13:05

I’m intrigued about the cake buying link as well, OP any chance you could tell us more?
I wouldn’t send it to friends but could imagine sending it to DH…

Oh and obviously YANBU!

DrManhattan · 31/07/2022 13:12

Say something! If you don't you are just continuing the circle of cheeky fuckery (and that's on you)

Itsincidental · 31/07/2022 13:14

Ask her if she'd like you to return the big gift and you will give her a slice of cake instead?

PeachCottonTree · 31/07/2022 13:14

It sounds a bit like ‘buy me a coffee’. It’s a way for people who provide free, useful content online to cover their costs with voluntary donations. If you enjoy their free podcast, website, teaching resources etc. you can make a donation to them, usually around £3 (roughly the price of a coffee). They put a lot of work into what they do so it’s a nice way of saying thank you.

I’ve never heard of someone sending their friends the link though! Surely she should be buying you cake to say thank you 🍰

To think she is being a right CF?!
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