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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she is being a right CF?!

182 replies

Anon638292 · 31/07/2022 11:45

My lifelong friend had a baby shower recently. Her and DH don’t have much money to spare and it’s their first long awaited child, so I really went all out for them - a big item off their list, about £200 worth of baby clothes, a big gift for the mum-to-be, the full works.

HOWEVER…

The next day I then got sent a link, one of these ones where you can donate to buy them a slice of cake in a shop etc, saying ‘if you ever feel like spoiling me at all one day…’

AIBU to think this is being a right CF given that I had just been overly generous and ‘spoilt’ her the day before?!

OP posts:
TrickOrRuddyTreat · 31/07/2022 17:40

Personally, given she's such a close friend I would resist the urge to go nuclear right away and try a casual "sorry, did you mean to send that to me? I bought you (list ot stuff), did you not realise they were from me?" as a starter. Just in case it was a genuine error. If she comes back and says she knew they were from you and meant to send the link to you then I'd be telling her to fuck right off!

pinkyredrose · 31/07/2022 17:47

Do you usually buy her more expensive presents than she buys you? Maybe she sees you as a cash cow?

2bazookas · 31/07/2022 17:49

In the same message, did she also thank you for the gift?

If she didn't, perhaps she sent the cake message before she opened the gift and it was just an innocent cross-over.

elessar · 31/07/2022 17:50

WhatsInAMolatovMocktail · 31/07/2022 12:32

Yanbu

I’d write back and say, “I thought I spoiled you rotten yesterday and I did put a lot of thought into my gifts for you and for the baby, but I know sometimes gifts are a “miss”. If there is anything you didn’t especially like or if you are having second thoughts about the [big item on gift list], please let me know and I will get a refund. Then I can fund your cake habit for a year or so! 😉’

This is perfect.

It completely gets across the point about her being a total CF but in a polite, non confrontational way.

Of course I'd be very tempted by a more 'wtf are you actually serious?' reply, but assuming you want to preserve the friendship and not cause a big row then this is a good way to address the issue without falling out.

MeridianB · 31/07/2022 17:51

I’d write back with something like “Ooh think you just sent me a message by mistake - must be for someone else”. Let her explain why she thinks you should be buying cake for her on top of everything else.

Carlycat · 31/07/2022 18:00

HannahSternDefoe · 31/07/2022 16:25

"I've spent (add up the big item, clothes, gifts) on you and you still expect me to buy you some fucking cake? Here you go - choke on it Cake "
Then block.

I'm helpless 😂

RobynNora · 31/07/2022 18:06

You spent £200 on baby stuff and a gift for mum?!

Will you be my mate please? The cake's on me!

Minimalme · 31/07/2022 18:08

It is really embarrassing to be invited to a baby shower because I am currently struggling to raise my own kids and can't afford to pay for someone else's baby or treat the baby's Mum.

I would check if she meant to send it then tell her to fuck off.

MyrrAgain · 31/07/2022 19:05

Maybe she didn’t realise how much you’d already spent or opened it all? If it were me I’d be inclined to just pay £5 for the damned cake to keep it all sweet then chalk this up to experience now you know she can be a CF (if it is indeed CF behaviour). And don't go all out again. When the baby is 1 and she has a massive party just get a small gift and "reclaim" some of your costs,

ohblowmedown · 31/07/2022 19:18

Friend of mine is always putting posts on fb about how she's so exhausted and wishes she had some nice cake/a costa coffee etc...for some reason random people seem to respond and leave them on her doorstep. I think she's a CF as well.

winterchills · 31/07/2022 21:00

Wow she's a cheeky cow. She wouldn't be my friend anymore

Fluffycloudland77 · 31/07/2022 21:25

ohblowmedown · 31/07/2022 19:18

Friend of mine is always putting posts on fb about how she's so exhausted and wishes she had some nice cake/a costa coffee etc...for some reason random people seem to respond and leave them on her doorstep. I think she's a CF as well.

Wonder if this works for 2 carat eternity rings?

Asking for a friend.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 31/07/2022 21:27

Even if you hadn't just spent hundreds of pounds on her, I still think it's weird to send people text messages asking them to buy her cake. Maybe I'm just getting old and curmudgeonly...

IfIGoThereWillBeTrouble · 31/07/2022 21:33

Why does nobody send me cake?

<misses the point>

maryanne22 · 31/07/2022 21:38

F

Iamthewombat · 31/07/2022 21:47

VickyEadieofThigh · 31/07/2022 15:55

Am I right in thinking this isn't actually about "cake" at all? That like the "if you like this, buy me a coffee" things, it really means "donate some money"?

Or is it genuinely about cake?

I think that you are right. It’s just begging for money dressed up as something twee (“ooh, cake! What a treat, oooh!”)

A bit like those godawful wedding poems. Shameless.

Carlycat · 01/08/2022 11:59

She's a grifter. Tell her to Do One

BonnesVacances · 01/08/2022 21:26

Reply with Lol! Is that instead of the presents from yesterday?

PotteringPondering · 01/08/2022 21:26

Fairly new to Mumsnet and have to keep looking up all the acronyms.

According to the MN list, CF means cystic fibrosis. But I'm guessing there's a mismatch between that and how it's being used here...?

AWobABobBob · 01/08/2022 21:29

PotteringPondering · 01/08/2022 21:26

Fairly new to Mumsnet and have to keep looking up all the acronyms.

According to the MN list, CF means cystic fibrosis. But I'm guessing there's a mismatch between that and how it's being used here...?

CF = cheeky fucker

Hotenoughtoburnasausage · 01/08/2022 21:30

Suggest she sends you the gift back and you will exchange it for a fucking cake...

JustABloodyMinute · 01/08/2022 21:36

Never heard of this "cake" thing either, barely aware of baby showers. When my friends and I had babies we bought a small present for the baby and that was appreciated.

PotteringPondering · 01/08/2022 21:40

AWobABobBob · 01/08/2022 21:29

CF = cheeky fucker

Show quote history

Ha! Much obliged.

Mumsnet need to update their acronyms list 🤔

Popsicle33 · 01/08/2022 21:40

Is the op coming back?! I hate this grabby 'spoil me' and 'pamper' bollocks.

Bobby80 · 01/08/2022 22:01

What’s this ‘buy me cake’ link? I can’t work out if I’m envious or horrified that people can send a link requesting cake!

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