To want to meet a wealthy man

[Whatsthematterwithyou]

Is there anything wrong with it?

I wish I’d made different decisions when younger and considered ambition and drive when looking for a partner.
I met my ex in my teens and was with him until two years ago (I’m 44 now)
I’m single now with a young dd. I live abroad around a very wealthy area and it’s all I see.
I have always worked hard, in a satisfying role that makes a difference, but ultimately doesn’t pay massively well, I adore my job and get by okay.
I keep thinking about going out in my area/going to the local gym, in the hopes of meeting a wealthy man. It’s not just about the finances…it’s the ambition, drive, likely intellect etc
Is this wrong to think like this/want this?

I am 51, my bloke is 69. Any intelligent mature man doesn't need to have a young dollybird hanging off their arm. A very wise man once told me, (some) men will look for somebody younger than their ex wife but older than their daughter. Good luck x

You're still young enough to be his daughter.

I agree with this - I was invited to a polo tournament and the place was full of wealthy men who paid me attention !😛
(I was very ordinary 43 yr old woman)

I certainly am.

When I was at uni there was a guy who was really keen on me. He came from a wealthy background but at that stage in our lives was not wealthy in his own right. I just didn't fancy him

He ended up marrying a friend of mine and they now have the dream lifestyle. Large country house, expensive cars, exotic holidays, children at private school.

Do I envy her? Nope. I would have had to marry him!!

I would like to have enough money to be secure for DD but if that came at the price of marrying an arsehole then no thanks.

You might think you do - but most wealthy men are likely hard working, stressed, self centred, focused on money, uncaring , never around, emotionally unavailable, think they can buy you and control you , ruthless, calculated, and put making money before anything else - including your own happiness. They might also die early or suffer bad health , stress, burn out.
don’t marry for money - marry for love.

Most wealthy men really aren't those things. Some may be but not the majority.

I don't think it's fair to imply they're not good partners or dads, because the wealthy men I know are kind, thoughtful and very committed to their families.

sounds akin to prostitution - but if that what makesyou happy, or you think it would - go for it.

This is true, but for the OP’s purposes, the wealthy men who are on the singles market in their mid-40s or beyond are rather less likely to be the caring, family-oriented type.

I'd quite like to marry a multi millionaire.
He'd have to be a smouldering sexpot, with intelligence, great manners and the physique of a Chippendale.
I would laze around, leafing through the latest Cartier catalogue choosing expensive trinkets for myself while idly wondering whether to collect my daughter, Tofelia from her ballet class in the Ferrari or whether to send the chauffeur for her in the Bentley, as it's the nannies night off.
However, I decided that my bog standard smashing husband is sufficient for me and our kids. He might not have millions but he'll do for us.

It's a bit much to get incredulous at others pointing out the superficial factors against you when you've literally distilled a potential partners worth to his net worth.

So what is non young, non wealthy you, with a dependant and a low paying job (which by your own criteria indicates lack of ambition and drive) bringing to the table to justify getting a slice of his hard earned wealth?

So basically you want a man who's successful, ambitious and driven to earn as much as possible while you work in your fulfilling but low-paid job? Why doesn't this imaginary man get to work in a job that he'll find fulfilling instead of having his only aim in life to work in some dull job to fund your desire to live a fancy lifestyle?

Sorry, and I know this sounds terrible, but I think it's people like you who give women a bad name. You want some man to jump in and take care of you, but don't show any signs of putting in the work to do this yourself. You expect a man to solve all of your problems but won't take the initiative to do so yourself. If you value drive and ambition so much, why aren't you aiming to become an executive headteacher at some MAT where you can earn ca £200k instead of expecting someone else to save you? Grow up.

Wow 🙄

@Mississipi71 Wow

yep, there’s some incredibly nasty people out there. The OP just wants a wealthy partner while continuing to do a work she loves. How dare she? 🤣

Given that all you can say is 'wow', I'll assume you are unable to actually give a valid counterargument to what I said.

I dated a multi-millionaire.
He had his own plane and helicopter, 1000s of acres of land.
Gave me lots of jewelry, took me on trips.
Criticised my clothes. Criticised my makeup.
Criticised my grammar (I graduated from uni with a degree in English).
Looked down his nose at my family & friends.

Finally one day I asked him what it was about me he did like, and he said, “you’re young & pretty.”
I returned all the jewelry and gifts later that day and dumped him. Nothing is worth my self esteem and dignity.
Wealthy men aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. It’s just money.

My old boss in his 40s was earning 90,000+ per annum and had inherited a house in devon worth well over 1.5million from his parents.

He dumped his wife the momwnt tge will was read, arranged a private dating service to fix him up, and informed me he was after a 'successful' woman aged 20 to 28yrs.

He wouldn't have looked twice at any woman in her 40s, let alone with a child, as he knew his money had made him 'more attractive'...

That ship has sailed darling! (and you arent aboard it)

Shame

Be careful what you wish for...

After bagging Edward VIII, Wallace Simpson lived a lufe of utter luxury witg villas in France, Governess roles in the Bahamas and Cartier jewellery every time she made the former King a lemsip.

Equally, she was one of the loneliest and most miserable looking women on the planet in the 1960s... He was a creep who never got over his fall from grace and boy did she get reminded of it, seeing daily the spoilt and impetuous loser he had become.

She never went hungry, but it became a gilded guillotine for her...

Far better to marry someone you love whose on the same wavelength and is your equivalent. Then you’re a team and have each other’s backs. Earns around 100k then your salary on top of that means a decent life more than enough. I too turned down a multi millionaire in my late twenties who was lovely but slightly odd and I didn’t fancy him. So am a hopeless gold digger. Don’t regret it - much rather have a comfortable life with a fab normal man than a super rich life with an odd one.

I returned all the jewelry and gifts later that day and dumped him.

More fool you.

Yes, walk away. But these were yours. Yours to sell!

Sorry, and I know this sounds terrible, but I think it's people like you who give women a bad name

it’s judgemental people like you @Mississipi71 that give people a bad name.

p.s am I alone in always rolling my eyes when a poster starts with “Sorry” and then launches in to something nasty / judgey. Sorry? They’re not sorry? They’re practically tripping over themselves to get pour judgment.

Sorry not @Mississipi71

all that referring to @spirit20

I'd have kept the jewellery.

I was an ambitious young person who wanted enough money to sustain myself, so thankfully I didn't choose low paid work like teaching. First we have to raise our girls to seek financial independence. No low paid roles. You need to be able to survive on one income.

However it's natural for ambitious, intelligent women to seek out ambitious men. As a young woman I had no interest in jobless men or those who didn't really know what they wanted to do and had no plan, because I knew I'd end up supporting their low paid work, joblessness or unemployment. Very unattractive.

Also what does an unambitious man talk about? Ambition isn't just work, it's desire for self improvement. Curious people who want to succeed in life have more to talk about than the incurious who don't care about expanding the mind and bettering oneself.

You won't really find 'a wealthy man' hanging out at the gym, because really these men also seek out ambitious, intellectual and strong women. They don't want to support a low paid woman as they want to feel wanted for who they are, not what they earn. They know the risks of gold diggers, just as rich women do.

We need to raise women keen to support themselves with high paid work, and not the pittances of many jobs women end up in, and keen to seek similar minded men, never settling for the jobless or low-aspiration man who will never be a good partner (most will envy a successful woman and sabotage her career by insisting she do all housework and childcare.)

DP's ex-dated a hyper-wealthy chap. He was exactly the same.
They sat separately in his lounge, sex was shit-his friendship circle was very snippy and gossipy. He was controlling.
She was for all intents and purposes an ornament.
She got to fly to Monaco on his private jet with his chums though.

This idea that a Christian Grey-type chap is the reality is nonsense.