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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to meet a wealthy man

264 replies

Whatsthematterwithyou · 30/07/2022 23:28

Is there anything wrong with it?

I wish I’d made different decisions when younger and considered ambition and drive when looking for a partner.
I met my ex in my teens and was with him until two years ago (I’m 44 now)
I’m single now with a young dd. I live abroad around a very wealthy area and it’s all I see.
I have always worked hard, in a satisfying role that makes a difference, but ultimately doesn’t pay massively well, I adore my job and get by okay.
I keep thinking about going out in my area/going to the local gym, in the hopes of meeting a wealthy man. It’s not just about the finances…it’s the ambition, drive, likely intellect etc
Is this wrong to think like this/want this?

OP posts:
Mississipi71 · 31/07/2022 02:19

Whatsthematterwithyou · 30/07/2022 23:39

I think a lot of people would want the same, but won’t admit it

I agree. If you want a wealthy man, you go for it x

Mississipi71 · 31/07/2022 02:20

Maybe try golf clubs OP? It is where I would go on the hunt.

RenegadeMatron · 31/07/2022 02:21

Well, YANBU for identifying what you want, and going for it.

You think a wealthy man has something to offer you.

What do you think you have to offer a wealthy man? To secure a wealthy man? And to ensure longevity and happiness with a wealthy man?

Wealthy men (as in, really wealthy men) are not usually long-term happiness material.

I would say - be careful what you wish for.

mackthepony · 31/07/2022 02:26

I can see the pp's point, to a certain extent. Friend of mine is with a rich guy - she doesn't work, lives in an amazing house. Has a cleaner, gardener etc

Whereas me and DH are comfortable - but our house is average, we both work, etc.

Iflyaway · 31/07/2022 02:43

I agree. If you want a wealthy man, you go for it

And hope he goes for you too...

Better to be independent and make your own money in life.

Oh, and watch Tinder Swindler on Netflix! 😊

expat101 · 31/07/2022 02:49

It comes with obligations and expectations. We have someone in the family who ''married very very well'' and she doesn't have any assets in her name, the expensive vehicles she drives are part of his family's business sponsorship deals, she was expected to breed, cease her business work which she studied hard for and her business took her to several interesting places. She had to cease with a hobby she thoroughly enjoyed!

if they split, while I'm sure she would be well provided for, none of what she lives in, is ever hers to own and her immediate family would be horrified with her too as her Father likes to Lord it up over everyone what the SIL has..

We certainly weren't good enough to be invited to the weddings (there were 3) but I know I wouldn't trade places with her any day....

mjf981 · 31/07/2022 02:57

Having tons of money is a massive factor in attraction for many women. As a result, most of them have their pick of 20 something year olds with no ties. I say go for it OP, but someone in their 40s with a child may find it tough...you'll need thick skin.

Carlycat · 31/07/2022 03:12

I hear Rupert Murdocks available Wink

GoodThinkingMax · 31/07/2022 03:22

YABVVU

What about your intelligence, drive and ambition?

Mississipi71 · 31/07/2022 04:47

Iflyaway · 31/07/2022 02:43

I agree. If you want a wealthy man, you go for it

And hope he goes for you too...

Better to be independent and make your own money in life.

Oh, and watch Tinder Swindler on Netflix! 😊

I have watched them. I had no sympathy for two out of three of those women on Tinder Swindler.

Raneer · 31/07/2022 05:05

I wouldn’t marry solely for wealth but I’d expect it to be part of the package. In my late 20s I was young, attractive, fertile, and I bartered that to marry a top 10% earner. 15 years later his earning capacity has increased, and I’m a middle aged mother with stretch marks and loose skin, who struggles with baby weight and the onset of menopause. I certainly wouldn’t be able to marry the same calibre of man now.

adorablecat · 31/07/2022 05:08

Good luck with that, but you will be competing with a lot of twenty somethings who don't have children, so if you insist on wealth you might have to compromise on a lot of other things.

Workyticket · 31/07/2022 05:40

So many women on here are sahm with high earning husbands so more women than you have done it op.

Me and dh are both teachers so will never be rich but when I first met him I was asked out by a much wealthier man. My mum said "choose money"

I'm glad I didn't and we're really happy together and doing OK financially (we live up north so 2 teacher salaries actually sees us alright) but I do sometimes wonder what could have been!

daretodenim · 31/07/2022 05:49

OP you want a wealthy man so your life can be more comfortable. Which means you will be dependent on him. This means you will find yourself in positions where you'll have to compromise - and he likely won't - because you'll want to stay for the lifestyle. Think about what your integrity and self-worth mean to you. Honestly, I've met women for whom it's less of an issue, but they often come from backgrounds where they didn't have a professional job to start with.

And if you're thinking of meeting this guy at the gym then you'd better have a body that can compete with a 21 year old former gymnast/ballerina who has moved onto CrossFit. Because if he's looking for someone at the gym, that's your competition. That also means her looking for a trophy wife. Not sure that's what you had in mind? You'd also need to provide a child pretty quickly to tie him (his finances) to you long term - and then get your figure back fast.

Of course there are the men who are looking for an equally driven partner abc would be attracted to your passion about teaching. Sorry to say but a fair few of them would like the financial divide between you as it would make them feel superior (they'd not speak about this openly - usually). Again, is that what you're looking for?

I've seen women do what you're wanting and all I can say is, in capitals PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Remember too that he'll have family and friends who will assume you're after him for his money. How's that feeling when you're out for dinner together or visiting them?

The easiest way for you to become wealthy is to make the money yourself. Yes, it involves a lot of time investment, but marrying a wealthy man as a goal (rather than happening to meet one) has hidden time, energy and financial costs too.

So how could you become wealthy at 44 as a teacher?

  • Career change to one you maybe like less but brings in more $$.
  • Start up a business on the side - an exclusive tutoring business that employs others targeting wealthy families could be one direction to look in given your background and proximity to wealth.

But actually I'd say that you are already wealthy. You have a job you love that pays enough - although not loads. It is one that is hectic but also gives you time off (unlike the dirt if men you're thinking of who will never, ever be without their phone for 24 hrs).

Rich men are not some kind of prince who solve life's problems with their money. They arrive with their own problems (addicted to work bring one). Their money can actually add to the problems, especially when there's an imbalance.

I'm ignoring drive and ambition because that's an aside - you can have tons of it and not get wealthy. So you're not looking for that, you're looking for the ones who made it big through work.

Moonface123 · 31/07/2022 05:50

My friend married a wealthy man, he has absolutely broken her, mentally and emotionally. She 's paid a massive price for it. Now she says she cant leave him, he will make it too difficult.
He is also a violent bully.

daretodenim · 31/07/2022 05:55

This, yet it is also Mumsnet that says don't judge SAHMs?

Which is it - judge SAHMs for dipping their fingers in their partners' wallets or don't judge them because they're entitled to live as per the agreement they've made with their partner?

There is a difference if you're raising children ie a stay at home MOTHER vs looking for a wealthy man to live off. You're comparison assumes SAHMs don't actually do anything. In many cases (not all) they facilitate the work of their children's father by providing parenting he can't. Ie they're there for school pickups when father is at work meaning he can work longer hours and get promotions etc.

You may not like the idea of SAHMs but think of it the other way around: if working mothers had a "wife" at home sorting the home and kids out, then how much further in their careers could they go?

MsTSwift · 31/07/2022 05:56

Generally very wealthy men marry very wealthy women within their “set”. Anecdotally that seemed to be the case (worked for private bank used by very wealthy people and this held true most of the time). You’ve missed the boat to marry a normal guy when you both young who then becomes successful.

nameben · 31/07/2022 06:11

Some jobs are not compatible with some lifestyles. Lots of family time is not really compatible with investment banking/corporate law. I guess OP had made her choice - which is a job she loves. But the upside is that it is unlikely to make her wealthy (though maybe she can move to a more management role to increase her earnings).

I think wishing for someone rich is likely to blind her to other qualities of a person (eg kindness, drive/ambition, domestic skills, financial prudence). Someone can have drive and ambition in a non-high-paying role (et teaching, charity work, public sector). People can have high salaries but waste a lot of money.

hattie43 · 31/07/2022 06:41

FredaFox · 31/07/2022 00:00

Seriously? I thought we were past relying on a man for money? Go for promotion if you don't want to change job, get a 2nd job, make some cuts but get your own money.

The comments on here are always to make sure you have your own money, women are struggling when they divorce. It's one thing I've learned from here is to be financially independent
Stop trying to be a gold digger, they will see through it

This .

Also I'm sure a lot of wealthy men like 'trophy ' wives and I think at 44 that boat may have sailed .

tara66 · 31/07/2022 06:47

Perhaps you can spot a pre-wealthy man? However as you are 44 they will probably be younger than you - but go for it! Meet as many people as possible who seem to have drive and ambition!

Lightning020 · 31/07/2022 06:49

I agree plenty to live on makes life a whole lot easier. A very rich and successful man might be arrogant though so something to be aware of.

Fabswingers · 31/07/2022 06:51

Nothing wrong with that at all, however it’s downfall is if you split up your back to where you started so I’d also look for a higher paid job too.

tara66 · 31/07/2022 06:57

Is there a polo club near you? Start taking polo lessons!

iloveeverykindofcat · 31/07/2022 07:03

You can have plenty of drive, ambition and be intelligent but not have a great paying job, just like yourself. Doing what you love and are passionate about doesn't guarantee good income, even if you're the best of the best at it

Amen. You can be an academic who is an internationally recognised expert in your subject and make a standard lecturer/research fellow salary, decent but nothing special, and always subject to the whims of funding bodies. Be honest OP. It's not the drive and intellect you want, its the money.

Perfectlystill · 31/07/2022 07:07

I know loads of people who've got themselves very nice lives by marrying rich men.

Nothing wrong with wanting to do the same.

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