To want to meet a wealthy man

[Whatsthematterwithyou]

Is there anything wrong with it?

I wish I’d made different decisions when younger and considered ambition and drive when looking for a partner.
I met my ex in my teens and was with him until two years ago (I’m 44 now)
I’m single now with a young dd. I live abroad around a very wealthy area and it’s all I see.
I have always worked hard, in a satisfying role that makes a difference, but ultimately doesn’t pay massively well, I adore my job and get by okay.
I keep thinking about going out in my area/going to the local gym, in the hopes of meeting a wealthy man. It’s not just about the finances…it’s the ambition, drive, likely intellect etc
Is this wrong to think like this/want this?

OP I've gone on dates with two rich men I met on Tinder, both filthy rich, old money one 55 the other 67 (yes I googled them after our date). They both seemed like decent people (but then I don't know because I only went on one date with them). I didn't pursue the relationship because there was no chemistry on my part.

My point is: rich single men use Tinder too. I've met them. I'm not talking about the "tinder swindler" type posing in a private jet wearing a Rolex (those are always broke), I'm talking REAL rich. They never flash their stuff on photos, but there are giveaways when you chat with them such as living in a super wealthy part of town or having their official residence in a tax heaven. These guys are usually super smart and will smell a gold digger from miles away.

I think that having an aim to live off someone else can never be right. You need to know your own worth and have some independence surely? I suppose aiming to find and marry a wealth man is like a form of employment to some people who see it as a way to earn a luxury lifestyle.
I don't get the generalisations about wealthy men though. Hands up, my partner is wealthy to a level that money will never be a worry again. We met in a pub, and I didn't know he was wealthy straight away, but I did by the time we went for a date because he didn't just look like that famous bloke... he was him!
He's kind, and quite normal. When we decided to live together it was quite a dilemma and we thought long and hard because in order to make the move, and be free to travel with him, I did give up my career and rent my house. I feel lucky that, after some really hard times in my life, I'm safe now. However, speaking from my personal experience, all the money in the world wouldn't keep me with a man who wasn't kind and loving, and who I didn't love. It just wouldn't be worth it. We are where we are because of how we feel about each other, not because my aim was to be "kept".
This isn't a stealth boast, I name change so there would be no point. I just wanted to try to balance out all of the negativity and stereotyping in many of the comments.

You were VERY lucky to find yourself a kind loving man. So many women who leave their careers to be fully available for their "wealthy man" find that after a couple of years Mr wealthy man turns out to be Mr Scrooge the narcissist or Mr cheater and now they have nowhere to go because they're financially tied to them.

My point is (and your post confirms it): The most important thing is to find yourself a kind, smart and supportive partner who you can be in a healthy relationship, if he's got money then... take that as the icing on the cake. Going into a partnership for money is a terrible reason to get married.

I think what would worry me about this approach is when the wealthy man is ready to trade you in for the younger/slimmer model. Wealthy men tend to be used to getting what they want and can afford clever lawyers and financial advisors to hide the money. I've seen a couple of aquaintances who didn't work get shafted in their early fifties by their wealthy husbands when they decided it was time to upgrade to the younger woman they'd been with at work, and end up in a much smaller house with little to show for it. I think if you go down this route you need to make sure your name is on everything.

@VladmirsPoutine

". I would never personally peg my own financial security on a man but equally I won't date men who aren't at least on the same level as me."

+++

I fully agree but this is exactly why money tends to date / marry money.

It's not all it's cracked up to be, trust me.

I agree with Justturnitoff.

When I met my DH he didn't have a pot to piss in.His first job in the 90's paid 9K. He's now a very high earner (think investment banker level).

Yes, he is driven and ambitious, but this also now comes with other issues including; arrogance, self-importance, selfishness and our family decisions are all based on what "he" wants as he has all the money. I work, but my career took a massive hit whilst I moved countries 4 times to enable his promotions and looked after young DC whilst he travelled and came back at 10pm, or travelled for weeks on end. Before lockdown he was away 6 weeks out of 11 in the run up to Christmas, but then turned around and sneered at my lack of career. Apparently all other mums he knows are Lawyers, Bankers and look after 3 DC, breastfeed, work FT, travel, cook from scratch and their DC do amazing at school.

So, if you are still reading, I guess you are asking why I am still here?

I actually love my DH, but after 30 years of this, I am at the end of my patience with it. Once my DC have left for Uni I do think I will think very differently about my life and what I want.

The way I look at it is that my DH has lots of money, and I am just earning my keep. It may look like we have money, but I don't personally have anything. If we got divorced, people may say I have lost half of everything and live in a much smaller house, but I don't see it that way. It would be mine, whereas now I am just a lodger.

My friends all have loaded husbands and not one of them is a decent bloke. The power imbalance is awful. They think they are the dogs bollocks when really I think everyone of them is pond weed.

My SIL only goes out with rich men. She gets bought big gifts, but honestly, every one of them is a massive tosser.

@MintyDogBreath My friends all have loaded husbands and not one of them is a decent bloke. The power imbalance is awful. They think they are the dogs bollocks when really I think everyone of them is pond weed.

🤣😂🤣

I don't know why you've picked up on my post, I wasn't reacting to anything you said, just the thread in general. I think you're trying to argue with nothing to argue about.

I said I was lucky, and I am.
I said that the relationship is the most important thing - it is.

I'm not trying to argue, I was just agreeing with you and using your post as an example of what should we look for in a partner.

Your post is judgemental and harsh. "Giving women a bad name" bit, alone, was wow, and far from being in a good way.

As well as the other problems posters have mentioned with the "imbalance", it is often easy to tell when someone is mainly interested in your money.
My ex never knew how exactly much I had for a few years. When he found out what was in my savings accounts alone, and the inheritances I will eventually receive (I couldn't care less about that), he was planning his life of leisure, working part-time with a very early retirement, courtesy of me.
I could "retire" now, DP could, but we both like to work (him more than me to be fair) and would hate to simply be supported by someone else. Not saying that's wrong if both parties are happy, but I imagine a lot of wealthier people are put off by that vibe.

I hope that your years together, shared family and love that grew outweigh the physical.

Makes me think of that saying - If you marry for money you earn every penny