To want to meet a wealthy man

[Whatsthematterwithyou]

Is there anything wrong with it?

I wish I’d made different decisions when younger and considered ambition and drive when looking for a partner.
I met my ex in my teens and was with him until two years ago (I’m 44 now)
I’m single now with a young dd. I live abroad around a very wealthy area and it’s all I see.
I have always worked hard, in a satisfying role that makes a difference, but ultimately doesn’t pay massively well, I adore my job and get by okay.
I keep thinking about going out in my area/going to the local gym, in the hopes of meeting a wealthy man. It’s not just about the finances…it’s the ambition, drive, likely intellect etc
Is this wrong to think like this/want this?

This is a great comment. I don’t think there is anything wrong with “marrying well” and I always advise my friends to think about the future/current prospects of dates, because this will greatly impact your quality of life.

However, there are always two sides to every coin. The personality that is entrepreneurial is also often constantly dissatisfied, this is the aspect that drives the motivation to succeed. This isn’t usually limited to one facet of their life and you may find yourself exhausted and anxious because they are not the type to be fully content romantically/with you either.

The other thing to think about is that all power corrupts but absolute power corrupts absolutely. When there is a large disparity in wealth, there is a power imbalance. Additionally super rich men are “powerful” - hard to find one that doesn’t view it as their right to have multiple romantic partners/affairs/always have the thrill of romance in their life. Your job with such a partner is to be “perfect” at all times. This is the price you pay.

These however are examples from my experience of the extremes. Simply finding someone who is in a well paid profession and can afford a house, is something I would recommend to all women and I don’t think anything at all to be ashamed of!

What would you think of a male teacher who didn't want to change profession because he loved it but wanted to be wealthier so his aim was to meet and be bankrolled by a richer woman?

Good luck to him! Unlikely though unless he was scorchingly hot though

There would be absolutely nothing wrong in that.

🤣🤣🤣

@Happyandyouknowit82

Yes, quite. I wonder if OP is "scorching hot". Perhaps that is the "special sauce" another poster mentioned that she would need to bring to the relationship to make up for her relative impecuniosity.

I will also add that being an ex (agency) teacher, and the crap I had to deal with, makes my comfy situation even more satisfying. At 51 carrying on being treated like shit and thrown to the wolves, or having a bloke take that pressure off me. It is a no brainer for me.

I think do what makes you happy. Sod anyone else's opinion.

I would say there is no such thing as a free lunch

I'd want it too. A choice between 2 men, one skint, the other rich. If they both have good personal qualities, and are good to me, then I'd be choosing the rich one.

This, exactly.

How very shallow 🙄

Did you ever consider developing your own ambition and drive?

Really shitty to say teachers don't have ambition and drive.

Why not make your own wealth?
I don't understand women that think like this. I cant imagine the power imbalance. I worked hard in my teens/twenties to secure a good job, its easy to meet someone of similar circumstances when thats the circles you mix in. No awkward power imbalances either. I'd be open to meeting someone who earns less than me but they'd have to make it up in other ways - be an excellent cook, do their fair share of housework/cleaning and support my career. I have some female colleagues who earn well and are with men that don't but really do tick all their other boxes.

Also feel like this isn't something you can plan, in the same way you can make plans about your own career prospects. And also at the expense of trying to find a wealthy man you're likely to miss out on the opportunity to find happiness. Wealthy =/= happy. What are the odds you'd find a wealthy and determined and driven and successful man that is also all about you and ticks all your boxes and if such a man exists ("the perfect man") why would he pick you? over the many women he must meet in his line of work / social circles? Also just wanted to point out wealthy after means stressful, demanding, time-consuming careers. This type of man probably also wants to be satisfied intellectually in a relationship too.

Have never really clocked it before but I think I mostly only ever dated wealthy men (before marrying one a few years back. I earn £200k+ myself. Knew I wanted a good lifestyle early on so set out to earn it/be financially independent and was lucky enough to find a way to do so). Had a few relationships with others not earning mega bucks at the time but all now seem to be enjoying successful careers.

Trying to think what my "secret sauce" was, if any: in my 20s (am late 30s now), I was pretty but nothing outstanding. I quite often get told I am charismatic**, so that may have helped. But perhaps most importantly, I work in the City so met/meet wealthy men (and women!) every day.

I get that it is too late for OP to change career herself but still find the conversation a little sad. Perhaps we need to teach young women to think about the lifestyle they want early on (and how much passion vs. money means to them - though am lucky enough to have a job which allows for both), and then support them to get it themselves in as far as they can.

Maybe the fact that I was earning well myself means I was genuinely open to dating driven, kind, less-well-earning (but passionate about their work) men? God knows. My DH is very wealthy (inherited and earned) but it was/is everything else about him that makes him the most amazing man I have ever met. In fact I earn a shade more than him 😎

** I think they may just mean chatty 😁

Last point, sorry, most wealthy men (and women) often meet people within their own circles and in the cases where there is large wealth/power imbalance its often when they met their partner prior to becoming successful (i.e the partner hadnt set out looking for wealth), the partner has likely suffered/endured the trials of the journey to wealth and therefore partially earnt it themselves (supporting the studying / stress/ career progression over years). This kind of partner probably often doesnt want to blow the wealth, they're probably saving it for their future/ children etc. Just take a step back and think why someone like this would want to/ find attractive in someone you're describing?

I'm with you OP, my husband has ambition which has made us financially secure. I love him dearly and always have.
The money helps without it I would still love him

I don't think what you want is at all controversial. There's an entire manosphere dedicated to getting angry with women for the crime of wanting better for themselves and their partners. In my view wanting to date, marry a man with ambition, drive and is successful is akin to wanting to date a man who also brushes their teeth and takes care of their hygiene. In other words - it's all part of the overall package that makes a man desirable.
The issue you might have though is how to land one.

So what...like men are never shallow when it comes to looks.

Mid forties isn't really the target market for a trophy wife.

And drive and ambition doesn't always correlate with financial wealth. As a teacher you are demonstrating that yourself.

Its absolutely fine , and completely normal, to want a life partner who shares the same values as you.

Because if everyone was obsesssed with making money and becoming wealthy no one would be teaching your kids how to read and write. Be grateful that not everyone wants to make it big in business.

Wealthy people (not just men) with "drive and ambition" are often also emotionally unavailable arseholes or worse.
Depends what your priorities are I guess.