To want to meet a wealthy man

[Whatsthematterwithyou]

Is there anything wrong with it?

I wish I’d made different decisions when younger and considered ambition and drive when looking for a partner.
I met my ex in my teens and was with him until two years ago (I’m 44 now)
I’m single now with a young dd. I live abroad around a very wealthy area and it’s all I see.
I have always worked hard, in a satisfying role that makes a difference, but ultimately doesn’t pay massively well, I adore my job and get by okay.
I keep thinking about going out in my area/going to the local gym, in the hopes of meeting a wealthy man. It’s not just about the finances…it’s the ambition, drive, likely intellect etc
Is this wrong to think like this/want this?

I agree

I really, really, really, really etc wish DH was rich. It's my secret confession. I'd love to be a stay at home mum and, when DS is older, a stay at home wife

Shaggin someone in exchange for money has a bad name.

I used to work in a profession that brought me into contact with a lot of wealthy people. I didn’t meet my DH through work but he has earned a lot of money and made more through very successful investing. Life is very comfortable. BUT honestly those who make a lot of money are often missing something elsewhere I think. Balance, emotional intelligence, something. It does come at a cost. Financial comfort is nice and I can afford whatever I want and my DH is awesome in many ways but my heart aches sometimes for a bit more emotional presence. So date whoever you want but keep your eyes and your mind open

You are being unreasonable.
If money is a determining factor in choosing a partner, then that suggests you are prepared to compromise your other needs.
I have a good friend who is married to a very rich man, and get an insight into their lives. She has a bottomless credit card for her own use, flies frequently to holiday in exotic locations.
However he sounds a brute. He woke her recently at 3am to complain that his shirts were not being ironed properly- she just nodded and said she will have a word with the housekeeper.
They may go on frequent vacations, but she rarely gets a say in where they go.
She has a couple of cars, but he has the final word on which models were bought.
For my friend all this is a price she is willing to pay. Thankfully for her he goes on frequent business trips, giving her lots of respite from his controlling ways. She has a beautiful house that she loves, shops a lot and finds enjoyment in life. But it isn't all a bed of roses.
I had a rich partner ( now ex), but he was mean with money. He would buy expensive luggage while I had to buy mine in ASDA. He loved eating out, but always wanted to split the bill. Near the end of the relationship we took a flight for a holiday- he upgraded himself to 1st class while I had to remain in economy.
I am sure there are lovely caring rich men around, but if you prioritise his wealth then that suggests you are willing to accept more shit in a relationship than if you choose him for who he is, not the thickness of his wallet.

Totally agree.

I was thinking about this the other day. My husband is a high earner but we met at university and when I went on maternity leave, I earned more than he did. I've only worked part time since we had kids so his salary has grown significantly and mine hasn't. Most of our well-off friends also met at university so no one was being picked for their earnings.

That said, being totally honest, financial security would be a consideration if I was dating now. Perhaps it's because your financial path is mainly determined by your 40s so it's unlikely to change significantly. While I wouldn't date someone I didn't like, I would rather be someone who was well off than scratching around financially. None of that stops you from earning your own money though.

I also don't agree that high earner always equals a shitty partner. Most of my friends work in professional services and, while they work hard, they're also great husbands and dads. I'm not saying that I wouldn't date someone who was a lower earner, but I think most of us would see being well off as a positive when you're weighing people up. I was probably more of a romantic in my 20s but my pragmatism has increased with age.

Pretty normal to want that or fantasise about it. All those romantic/erotic heroes are filthy rich for a reason.

I married one

and now we are divorced.

I have a very generous settlement, which allows me to work part time (2 days a week), my children attend private school and I got the house (didn’t touch his enormous pension though!).

so I would heartily recommend!

Oh and he’s a very decent guy (just impossible to live with 😂)

Did you ever consider developing your own ambition and drive?

It’s not down to anyone else to fund your ‘passion’. It’s quite sick that you think so.

Yanbu. I’m with a high earner and it’s wonderful. We are also in love. I wouldn't choose cash over love but it’s nonsense that the two can’t go together. I also earn my own cash but nowhere what he earns

I don't think it's unusual for single people to include wealthy on a imaginary wish list for a their perfect partner..
I'm sure if i was single in the morning and I had to write a list of my ideal partner it could include as well as kind gsoh etc tall dark handsome wealthy

Surely no body puts financially struggling on their 'list' but in the real world we meet and marry people who are

Op clearly says it's not just about the finances but the drive and the intellect.

I spent a lot of time dating wealthy men, not for the money but for the conversation, the ambition, the intelligence- most of them out-earned me but I did well independently. I can truly say 95% of them were not nice people deep-down, and in lots of cases it seemed to be a result of their success (toxic masculinity, superiority complexes, having everyone bow down to them because they foot so many bills, thinking they can get whatever they want at a click of their fingers). Yet dating on the other side of the pool there were huge amounts of lazy leeches and cocklodgers.

I married a man with intellect and drive who earned a bit less than me when we met, though he's now overtaken me. We're about to have a baby and I'm worried what that will do to my earning capacity as I want to remain secure independently, though he's a good man and I'm sure if the worst happened he'd be fair - I can say hand on heart the super wealthy men I dated previously would not (one of them used to openly and regularly boast about the assets he'd hidden from his ex wife, he lived in a mansion and she a two up two down).

Money does remove so many worries but it comes with a multitude of conditions.

I find the language used in this post extremely depressing. I married a man without a penny up his name, because I loved him. He's now 'a top 10% earner', because he's extremely clever and dedicated to doing his best for our family'. And I don't give a monkeys about my stretch marks and baby weight, because he loves me.

@JosephineGH What would you say that *Special something they have is, out of interest?

The important question is what are you bringing to the table that a wealthy, driven, successful man will be looking for?

This. Either there has to be the kind of connection that would make you want to be together regardless of finance, or you have to be a 'trophy wife' who would appeal to a shallow man. If the latter, shallow men looking for a trophy wife will probably want someone much younger.

Personally I prefer being at least an equal earner in a relationship. I hate the feeling of being dependent on another person.

In my case it was because I was mid twenties and gorgeous. Worked in the city. He was my boss’ best friend.

You have a satisfying job. You live in a nice area, although the wealth comparison is bothering you. You have a child, who l assume you love. You have a lot already. If you want to share your life with a partner, you need someone to compliment you and your life, and bring out the best in each other. After a certain point, money doesn't bring that much happiness. Some wealthy men want to set terms and conditions in marriage, such as sex on demand. That's prostitution.

When you prioritise wealth in a partner, then you are de-prioritising other things, such as shared values.

Men are also not stupid - they will know you are interested in their income more than in them. Many of them will be completely ok with that - wealthy men are accustomed to buying what they want.

If that's the sort of relationship you want, go for it.

There's a reason why the best dating coaches tell you to be the partner you seek. It's the very best way to have equality in a relationship - a true partnership.

What do you want that you can't afford op?
I think all the posters saying get a better job are talking bollocks frankly. We need teachers and nurses and plumbers and shelf stickers and care workers in society and their valuable work should afford them a decent life.

My ex. Off the scale wealthy.

veru very generous and not at all showy

What would you say that Special something they have is, out of interest?*

The high earners I know are all with feisty women who are good fun to be around. They're the anthesis of the Insta pouty, little dress types. They usually have shared interests (in our group, it's mainly sport).

Some of the women earn more than their husbands. They also met them a while before they hit peak earnings potential.

I don't really know any high earners with a traditional trophy wife. I'm sure they exist but there's a higher likelihood of a power imbalance which isn't necessarily healthy.