SAHM, what a bore?

[Incognitopest]

Apologies for the antagonistic title…to get traffic!

Im 9 months into mat leave, i absolutely love and adore my daughter but christ i find this monotonous. I could go back to work early but also know this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

How do SAHM do it? Do you enjoy it or do you see it as a job? Im fortunate that we have a cleaner once a week, dog walker a few times, and i go to the gym solely because it has a creche.

Im so conflicted between being desperate to go back to work yet knowing i should be embracing these days with my baby. Every day feels so repetitive. Im guessing some people are made out for it more than others?

not sure what the AIBU is…. I guess aibu for struggling being a sahm whilst considering part time child care?

Yanbu at all it's not for everyone.

I took 17 months Mat Leave and went back very reluctantly.

I loved being at home. I made sure we had plans most days to see friends, park, cafe, library, dog walks, beach trips, play dates

I spent time in the garden growing veg. Cooked wholesome food while baby napped. Played with my little boy and soaked it all in. Plus he didn't sleep til 15m so no way I could have had a business brain.

I could have stayed off happily forever.

But we are all different!

My job is often boring as well. Maybe it’s different if you have a very exciting job.

@peepshow97 thanks for your reply. We do go out and about everyday! I just dont seem to get enough time to do anything like cooking or gardening. Baby wont give me 5 mins! But you’re right, we are all different!

@Abirdnest i think a lot of people find their jobs boring, but at least theres a social element to it?

@Incognitopest what are you doing with your time? Or not doing. I’ve been at home for 6 years now and can’t imagine anything that would make me happier than the way my life is now. It’s not a job, no. I do enjoy it, infact I love it. If you’re not enjoying it, go back to work. My sister went back after 8 months and it was definitely the right decision for their family. We’re all different and there’s no right or wrong. Just do what is best for you.

@Incognitopest i find theres a bigger social element to being a SAHM than I ever found working.

Just go back to work
Not so long ago
For my dc
Four months mat leave was the norm

@Louise0701 i go to the gym most mornings, walk the dog. Keep the house tidy , go for a walk in the park in the afternoons. It all just feels a bit….same?
Can i ask what you do?

I despise work social nights out and resent spending money and time with people I don't particularly like or want to be friends with.

Working from home is the best thing about work for me. I've been working too long to think that people are my 'friends' just because I saw them every day and ate with them once a day for years.

As soon as people leave, they are replaced and forgotten within a day or two.

To make the most of mat leave, organise get togethers with friends. If you can afford a dog walker and a cleaner, you can afford a babysitter for a couple of afternoons a week to do whatever you enjoy doing?

I got bored so had baby no.2 quickly!
Also had hobbies that I went to, sometimes with young baby in tow, in the evenings.
Plus voluntary work to keep my brain ticking over - things like editing newsletters/magazines and doing accounts. Plus met up with other mums/babies usually 3 times a week at various groups.

@cestlavielife do you wish youd been able to spend longer with them?

There was lots of social elements when I was on may leave? I went to many many baby groups and classes. Got to meet all sorts of other women and their babies! Some are still very good friends 14 years later!
As I wasn’t at work, I got to spend loads of time with friends and family that usually I wouldn’t be able to squeeze in much. Met for many lovely days out and lunches with my dad, aunts, cousins who also had kids and sisters who would take a day off here or there or who worked part time due to kids. Friends who were also on mat leave or worked part time. I could wander round lovely gardens or a NT on my own with baby and a coffe in spring and summer just enjoying a calming walk and giving DD some bird food to ‘feed the ducks’ occasionally from the buggy (from about 1year, before that I threw the food and pointed 🤣)
I didn’t worry about cooking or gardening. Those things were let go for a while. I just enjoyed my child growing, exploring and having fun with them. Enjoyed it 1000000 x sitting in a boring office whilst the sun was shining and birds singing outside.

Exactly the same!

That sounds dull to be fair. Other than exercise, you're not doing anything and your baby isn't being socialised either other than going to the gym creche?

Have you tried baby groups? Swim classes? Messy play? Music mornings?

Do you enjoy museums, art galleries, mum and baby fitness classes, go to the nearest beach and walk the prom and play in sand, baby friendly cinema screenings? Try and go to a couple of toddler groups so you will hear what is available to you in your local area?

I completely agree.

I'm on mat leave with the most gorgeous boy who I love him to bits, but mat leave is SLOW!

I'm excited to go back to work in a few months. I have tried to embrace it but I can't get excited about lunches, days out, baby classes, mum chat etc. it's the same thing every week and it's nice but dull.

I miss the buzz, the drama, the purpose of work.

@Incognitopest meet friends, go swimming, visit different beaches, parks, bike trails etc, go to various classes, I also volunteer for a couple of different things now that my youngest is in nursery 3 days a week. When he was a younger baby; I would read, write, paint or do some kind of craft/baking while he napped. I improved my Spanish just via an app during long nap times too. What about an online course, a new hobby, different walks / bike rides? I feel really lucky to of had the time to explore so many new and different things and have time to do the things I enjoy.

@oviraptor21 this seems to be where im going wrong? I dont seem to have time for anything for “me” . Where do you get the time to do brain work?
I do do the mum/baby meet ups but i just dont want to chat about what baby did this week!

You need a job you absolutely despise 😂 I’m the complete opposite and have enjoyed every single millisecond of being off, purely because I hate my job so much I dread going back every minute of every day, pretty much since my baby exited my body it’s like a loud clock has been ticking down behind me at all times 😂I’m thinking of having another just to get off again! I’m a teacher if that helps with a job you might hate suggestion 🤔

I’d say its probably a good thing you like your job and actually want to go back! Could you go back part time earlier then you’ll have the best of both worlds?

I think babies are a bit boring not much conversation and even thought it seems you have time because you're home more you are perpetually too tired or occupied with the baby to do much around the house.
Do you go to baby groups? You might find that give you the social element as walking in the park and a gym work out are often solitary activities so try to make mum friends and meet up with them often.

Oh I haaaaaated mat leave! I was so so so bored out of my mind. I'm back at work full time now and am so much happier. I should have returned to work sooner really but ironically it was cheaper for me not to! Not everyone's the same. I would go mad being a sahm. I know some people love it and that's fine - but it's not for me.

I was SAHM for ten years - the first year was the worse - I just don't find babies very interesting. I was very grateful for Radio 4 & NCT coffee meet ups.

Once they were toddlers and could communicate & play then I genuinely enjoyed it. I also got involved in their pre-school & later PTA committees later, which allowed me to meet other parents with kids of a similar age - we're still good friends with many of them.

You need to find a different group. You will find they all attract a different sort of person. I can't remember ever sitting talking about what my baby did every week. I chatted to other women about what life was like for me as a new mother and about our plans. The babies were ice breakers only. They're a great way of finding out info re local schools and childcare options too. I tried a few groups and some were awful but I looked forward to one or two every week.

Have you brought the baby to baby swims? That is great for them as they sleep for hours afterwards!

@WeneedtotalkaboutBrunobaby youre completely correct, it is dull.
i did try the baby groups etc, last week we went to a zoo….shes too young to enjoy a zoo. I can understand enjoying these things with a toddler but not so much a 9 month old

@catlady1234 glad its not just me!

@Goodnewsday hahha true! I’ve always kind of enjoyed my job and now its defo the easier option!