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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was bu? Day out split up.

196 replies

Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 09:50

So we DH and I were on a day out at a Theme park with our ND 10 year old and NT 16 year old.
We were all together when ND child bolted as they wanted to go on a specific ride. We use this theme park lots so child knows it well. I run after child and returned to where we were with child and DH and older teen had gone. I had nothing with me as I didn't pick up my bag when I ran.
So as DH and older child were gone whrn we returned me and youngest were stranded with no phone or money to buy drink etc.
By the time we were finally reunited wuththe help of Park Staff I did complain that they should have stayed put. However it was apparently down to ADHD child for running off or my fault for not iistening where they were going next and not having my phone. I know there were general chit chat about rides they wanted to do but no definitive decision IMO.
So,who was bu?

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 28/07/2022 09:52

I tihnk it was one of those things that actually just happened - did you go on the ride after the bolt or come straight back. How long were you.

But lesson learned - where was your bag/phone always have them with you so you can make sure it doesnt happen again

Original poster
Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 09:52

Incidentally when we finally made contact I was asked if I had youngest was with me so clearly they merrily went off without even knowing if our youngest was safe.

OP posts:
Original poster
Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 09:54

@Quartz2208 We came straight back. Can't have been more than 5 minutes.if that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 09:58

I originally had my phone in my pocket but older child found a bag as they wanted somewhere safe to store phones when on rides etc so all three phones were in bag which DH was looking after as I had just gone on a water ride with both kids. My priority was making sure youngest was safe so I didn't stop to pick up bag and ultimately that wouldn't have helped as I would have had all 3 phones.

OP posts:
Discovereads · 28/07/2022 10:02

I think you BU to try and shift blame when clearly both adults didn’t handle the situation well.


  • you should both have a plan in case you get split up. As in a meeting point and time to meet. Don’t assume the ones left behind should “stay put”

  • you should never dash off without your bag/phone. Why did you not have it on you at all times?

ILoveTwix · 28/07/2022 10:03

Personally I would have called you to check you knew we were going off to a ride. If you hadn't picked up, I'd have stayed put until you returned and if it was taking ages I'd have walked down to the ride your child had run off to, assuming you were having difficulty getting them to come with you.

Before you go out next time somewhere like this, agree some communication ground rules with DH so you aren't in this situation again. For example my DH always has his phone on silent and it drives me barmy so I get him to check his phone is on loud before he walks away (shopping centre/park/grocery store/dog walk etc).

You are understandably frustrated so the situation will annoy you more whereas DH was unaffected by taking the items so probably doesn't think it was a big deal. No point hashing it over with DH but definitely agree some rules next time.

Discovereads · 28/07/2022 10:03

Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 09:58

I originally had my phone in my pocket but older child found a bag as they wanted somewhere safe to store phones when on rides etc so all three phones were in bag which DH was looking after as I had just gone on a water ride with both kids. My priority was making sure youngest was safe so I didn't stop to pick up bag and ultimately that wouldn't have helped as I would have had all 3 phones.

Yeah, all the phones in one bag = bad idea
Just learn and plan better next time.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 28/07/2022 10:04

Just treat it as a learning experience: 3 phones in one bag is silly. Never be without your bank card.

Original poster
Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:04

The bag was a joint bag with all 3 phones in as we had just been on a water ride.
If I had stopped to grab the bag the others would have no phone and youngest may have become separated. My priority was the safety of my child.

OP posts:
Original poster
Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:06

Our child although sometimes I do feel that I am the one taking responsibility 99% of the time when out.

OP posts:
ILoveTwix · 28/07/2022 10:07

@Discovereads A tad harsh- if your DC is spontaneously running off at a theme park in the summer holidays I doubt your first thought is to stop and check for your phone and bag whilst DC gets lost amongst a crowd 🤔 OP has already said why the phone wasn't on her person.

TipsyMipsy · 28/07/2022 10:08

I think it's one of those annoying situations that's not really anyones fault but that feels like the other persons fault when your in the thick of it.

Original poster
Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:08

They were only in one bag whilst on a water ride as DH stayed off the ride. DD bolted before we had a chance to regroup but yes lesson learnt.

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 28/07/2022 10:09

I'm with you OP. They should have stayed put. That was always and prob still is (unsaid but I'd like to think logic would prevail) our rule especially for the kids. Its not silly to have all 3 phones in one bag if you'd just been on a water ride ffs.....

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 28/07/2022 10:10

On the whole though, I agree with you. They should have waited. It can't have been for long.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 28/07/2022 10:10

I think its a 50/50 and would just put it down to a lesson learned. I always use a cross body bag for theme parks op. Patent leather or oilcloth are water proof enough for splashes from rides.

JustJeans · 28/07/2022 10:10

Back in the days before phones and bank cards 🦕 we always had a meeting point on days like this. My dad would make sure we knew where it was before we set off, as inevitably someone would always get separated from the group.
In Blackpool, it was the laughing policeman, and I can remember being stood there for hours once waiting for someone to realize I was missing and come and find me (It was probably only about 20 minutes).
I don't think either of you were unreasonable; stuff happens.

Sartre · 28/07/2022 10:11

They should have remained there until you returned, not left you stranded especially since they knew you didn’t have your phone.

Discovereads · 28/07/2022 10:11

ILoveTwix · 28/07/2022 10:07

@Discovereads A tad harsh- if your DC is spontaneously running off at a theme park in the summer holidays I doubt your first thought is to stop and check for your phone and bag whilst DC gets lost amongst a crowd 🤔 OP has already said why the phone wasn't on her person.

? I wouldn’t “stop and check for my phone and bag” as I’d already know I had them on my person before chasing after a DC. Look I’m a mum of 4 DC, two with ASD. I know exactly how ND children can get tunnel vision and dash off silently when you’re least expecting it and frankly, the OP has it easy only having 1 young DC per 2 adults to watch out for (as a 16yo is old enough to go on rides on their own and meet up later so doesn’t need an adult with them at a theme park).

Yes the OP has said why she didn’t have her phone due to a joint bag with all phones but that was a bad idea and not doing that in future would be a good idea.

Original poster
Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:12

So wrong for ne to shift the blame but ok for Dh to blame me or ADHD child whrn he did nothing to ensure child was safe.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 28/07/2022 10:12

Im a bit on the fence. How far had younger children got before you noticed they were missing? Were you in sight of the favourite ride? If its a park you go to a lot did DH and older child assume you had just gone to the favourite ride and wouldn't expect them to wait about?

Original poster
Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:13

Do if Ihad my phone on my personal or eould probable be wrecked as I was soaked from coming off a water ride.

OP posts:
Isaidnoalready · 28/07/2022 10:14

So they didn't even hang around to make sure ds was safe? That's nasty

girlmom21 · 28/07/2022 10:14

I don't understand why it took 5 minutes for you to get back to DH and DC.

What was your husbands rationale for going?

Discovereads · 28/07/2022 10:14

Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:12

So wrong for ne to shift the blame but ok for Dh to blame me or ADHD child whrn he did nothing to ensure child was safe.

Both are not ok. There is plenty of blame to share between both adults- you and DH. In no way is the 10yo ND child to blame.