Who was bu? Day out split up.

[Funinthesun75]

So we DH and I were on a day out at a Theme park with our ND 10 year old and NT 16 year old.
We were all together when ND child bolted as they wanted to go on a specific ride. We use this theme park lots so child knows it well. I run after child and returned to where we were with child and DH and older teen had gone. I had nothing with me as I didn't pick up my bag when I ran.
So as DH and older child were gone whrn we returned me and youngest were stranded with no phone or money to buy drink etc.
By the time we were finally reunited wuththe help of Park Staff I did complain that they should have stayed put. However it was apparently down to ADHD child for running off or my fault for not iistening where they were going next and not having my phone. I know there were general chit chat about rides they wanted to do but no definitive decision IMO.
So,who was bu?

I agree with this. The OP is probably exhausted from planning and preparing everything and taking care of her SN child and then him making all that extra work and effort for her is really mean and thoughtless.

But the child Well in an ideal world, yes. But some neurodiversity doesn't work like that. Being told/learning about the concept of not running off is one thing; actually putting it into practice is completely different.

Exactly. None of my clothes (except winter coats) have pockets that are big enough/zipped for phone/wallet

I can understand why you were annoyed, especially as it seems like your husband didn't care about you or your youngest at that scary moment. But I wonder if we were to hear his side of the story it would be completely different. Maybe he thought you and your youngest had gone off together to go on a ride without telling him so he figured he would take the eldest on a different one. Maybe he figured it would only take you a few seconds to grab the ND child and then you would catch up with them. He probably didn't realize or had forgotten that he had your phone. We don't know because we haven't heard his side of it.

Of course, if you truly think that he doesn't care about you or your child's well-being, then that's a whole bigger issue than this one situation.

If nothing else, this can be a learning experience for you. I also have a ND child and a NT child. Theme parks require more planning and thought with a ND child. Like other people have said, waterproof bags so that you can always have your phone/credit card on you. A designated meeting point is essential - I'm kind of surprised you didn't have that already.

Also, one of your complaints was that you were dehydrated. Of course that made you feel worse, but that's on you. You need to ensure that you drink plenty of water on a day like that. That's nobody's fault but your own.

Does it matter who's fault it was? As long as your DD is okay it's all good.

We were coming to park straight from hotel and yes I accept I should have ensured we all had sufficient drink along with the suncream, sunhats and everything else no doubt. The plan was to take advantage to the lack iof queues to get rides done than to stop for snacks etc. Unfortunately this never happened and I had an additional hour or so of traipsing around the park looking for them than finally finding a member of staff prepared to ring the phones. Not that they answered the first two times. Than further traipsing to get another person to call when they finally answered of course they were opposite end of the park.

Although had we purchased drinks they would have slso been in the bag.

You need to ensure that you drink plenty of water on a day like that. That's nobody's fault but your own.

... she couldn't get a drink because her husband had walked off with her purse.

Were there no water fountains at this park? Surely you didn't need to actually purchase a drink.

I hope you had a good rest when you got back to the hotel last night. I would have thought you would have been shattered, both physically and mentally OP x

YANBU at all. If a young child runs off, you chase them immediately, you don't hang around for a chat with the rest of the family. Did your DH and other child not even notice you run off? It's common sense for them to wait for you to return, particularly as no meeting place had been agreed in advance.

Of course they should have either stayed put or followed. Really sounds like he doesn't see it as his responsibility at all. You could have been struggling on your own and he's just walked off like he doesn't know you.

Honestly I'd be absolutely fuming if DH did this. We have big problems but even he would never walk off if our DS ran off.

Even once when our dog ran off I chased after her while dropping everything I had on my body (because it was weighing me down and slowing me down. Think coat and backpack type stuff) and he chased after me picking everything up! If he'd just wondered off I'd have been fucked!

Your husband was daft to just wander off without you.

If bolting isn't a habit of the 10 year old, then he should have stayed put not knowing how long it might take to corral her. If it is a habit, then he should have waited knowing you wouldn't be long.

No water fountains. Just bottle refill points but yes if it carried on any longer I could have asked for a cup of water no doubt. Would have preferred for us to stay together though so I could buy the drink of my choice.
Interesting responses. I did actually confirm his response which was whilst on the phone Is child with you. When we caught up before I even said anything he blamed child. I than asked why did they move? I than got the well it's bound to be fault. Than it was my fault for not knowing where they were going. He mentioned a couple of rides but nothing specific and definitely no time for conversation bar need to run after x

Honestly OP, it’s so obviously your husband who is in the wrong here, it’s not even worth you questioning it.

And his attitude of coming back and blaming you and your child, and getting defensive, just underlines that he knows it.

My friend is the NT child here and always comments about how she had to make a lot of concessions for her younger ND sibling. Maybe they thought to make the best of it if you had ran after your younger child.

Six to one really...

@Namechangehereandnow ND child bolted as they wanted to go on a specific ride. We use this theme park lots so child knows it well.THEN neither of us could have know where the child was heading - which was it?

The child knew what ride they wanted to go on but didn't share that information with us.

Your DH is utterly unreasonable for wandering off and going on rides without giving a shit that his child was safe.

That would be something I struggled to forgive. Leaving me would be enraging, but one thing. Leaving your child without knowing they were safe is a whole other ball game.

@CallOnMe I had no clue where they were going and the Park is huge. There was no time to agree a plan to meet up and I rushed back expecting them to be there. The only thing DH said was to say there were a couple of rides he wanted to ho but did not in say way indicate which one they were heading to. We went to one area but he picked other.

I am also almost always the one dealing with kids on my own. For years we had holiday homes and I used to take older kid down on my own quite happily. Same with both kids when younger one was a baby. No code dependency. I normally have the bag with everything in but I gave it to him when I took kids on a water ride.

I would agree that whenever you go out always have a meeting place. I always did this it can make life a lot easier, assuming of course everyone (old enough) is listening and understanding the instruction.

And what was she to do after the ride he thought she’d gone on? Where was she to go?

DH was completely in the wrong. I'm genuinely baffled that anyone would think he wasn't.

Agreeing a plan didn't occur to me sadly as I though we would stick together and have a nice family day out together unless an implicit agreement was reached like later 16 year old said they wanted to go on x and y ride and agreed a place to meet afterwards.
Lesson definitely learnt.

You didn't need a "plan" ffs. It's obvious to any functioning adult that you stay put and wait in that situation, not wander off.