Who was bu? Day out split up.

[Funinthesun75]

So we DH and I were on a day out at a Theme park with our ND 10 year old and NT 16 year old.
We were all together when ND child bolted as they wanted to go on a specific ride. We use this theme park lots so child knows it well. I run after child and returned to where we were with child and DH and older teen had gone. I had nothing with me as I didn't pick up my bag when I ran.
So as DH and older child were gone whrn we returned me and youngest were stranded with no phone or money to buy drink etc.
By the time we were finally reunited wuththe help of Park Staff I did complain that they should have stayed put. However it was apparently down to ADHD child for running off or my fault for not iistening where they were going next and not having my phone. I know there were general chit chat about rides they wanted to do but no definitive decision IMO.
So,who was bu?

You were careless to be running round a theme park without a phone or money, but they were thoughtless to f off without you.

Definitely DH's fault. You clearly ran off in a panic, it wasn't a "right, we'll meet you back here later" scenario.

Also, am I right in thinking your DH knew (or should have remembered) your phone was in his bag?

Like sure, these things happen, but an apology at the very least would be nice from the ones who chose to leave with your stuff and without checking to make sure you and DC were alright.

I’m with you OP, you had a split second to go after your child, husband should have stayed out or if it were my husband I think he would have followed with other DC.

So as DH and older child were gone whrn we returned me and youngest were stranded with no phone or money to buy drink etc.

YABU and completely OTT

You make it sound like you were left on a deserted island or completely different country!

You weren’t deserted they just told you they were going on a different ride whilst DS went on his ride.

What was the worst thing that could have happened by you being separated from DH?

Obviously if you thought you had lost DS then you would have panicked at the time but I think you need to loosen up a bit as at the end of the day everyone was safe and no one was left stranded in the theme park for days.

Do you think you’re a bit codependent on your DH?
Your behaviour seems quite over the top considering you were in an enclosed area.

I do think it’s a good idea that the adults spend time split up and go around with a different child and then swap as it sounds like your DS needs much more attention.

You could arrange to meet every hour and then either swap children or stay together for a bit.

Let this go and enjoy the rest of the day.

Your DH was 100% by. There’s no way my DH would walk off in this scenario. DC siblings wouldn’t have left before knowing I’d ‘secured’ their sibling either.
So they could tell you didn’t have your bag? That’s really inconsiderate.

I would be annoyed in your situation, and think they should have followed you (especially with the phone/money situation).

Could it have been that the 16-year-old was nagging that she wanted to go on a particular ride so your DH took her?

No, she wasn't careless. She was supposed to be with her husband all day and he had the phones and money. Perfectly reasonable.

HE was careless and thoughtless to go off.

They should obviously, OBVIOUSLY have stayed put. They should have realised - must have realised - that they had all the phones and everything that was needed in the bag. What were they thinking you would do to find them again? Or didn’t they care?

Id be suspicious that DH was taking the opportunity to spend the day just with the easy 16 yo tbh I

I might be projecting a bit because exh always used to do this - walk miles ahead with the buggy (when we had one) which had my bag and everything I needed on it - after encouraging me to put my bag on the buggy. I’d be miles behind with a young child coaxing them along and off he’d go!

Agree with this, has Ds10 bolted before on such a trip? What would be his understanding of what to do if he became lost?

I know my dh wouldn't have walked off and not made sure I had retrieved our child safely.

I think he was a dick to just walk off and leave you like that. I wouldn't have been happy either. I agree that next time, he should deal with the youngest child while you have an easy time with the eldest child, but I'm guessing he wouldn't like that.

I think as your family knows about the additional needs, you both needed to have better planning. You know he is a bolter so what was the plan around this. And it's very silly to keep all phones in one bag for this very reason. I do think they should have called you to check if you were OK, but equally maybe the older one is tired of this happening.

your DH is 100% wrong. he should have stayed put, checked that you found the child & had your phone and then made a plan for what to do next.

So he is blaming you and your child, when he couldn't use common sense and stay put? All he did was make a stressful situation even more calamitous.

I think there's only 2 children, but in going back to check I did then see that Dh and older ds had said where they were going, but obvs op hadn't taken this in due to having to dash, but it does firm up my belief that it wasn't really malicious just miscommunication. Dh and ds16 know ds10 wants to go back on specific ride, he runs off to that, op goes after him so they say where they're going?

I always carry a cross body bag. For essentials like phone and purse etc. Some ride I can keep my bag on. The bigger rides I have to leave it at my own risk. So far I have been lucky. Just a matter of making sure I have my phone charged.

I'd make a deal with dh that you each take it in turns to manage your younger dc on days out. Then he can have the hassle of not knowing where you are when he gers back from a bolt.

I’m baffled. There was literally nothing you could do at the point of your child running off to “correct” the fact you didn’t have a meeting point for such scenarios or a phone on you, as your youngest child needed you immediately. The least they could have done was stay where they were, very strange of them to just wander off at that point! I’d be really annoyed.

I would have been annoyed that dh didnt follow but we have 3 adheres so it's often grab nearest ones. Walkie talkies are good if ypir worried about phones.

ND/NT/ADHD

Who is what? I'm lost.

What else was she supposed to do. Do you have a child with no sense of danger who bolts out of queues? I've got two. I've lost many a place in queues. Even if I have another adult to help. One bolts the other bolts as well. Are we supposed to just stand by and possibly watch them run to they're death?

I have learnt from experience to always carry a cross body bag with phone, purse and some water in.

Your DH needs to be the one to run after ND child half the time.

He just stood there like a lemon? Find your anger and get him to take responsibility.

In the OP's shoes I would be bloody annoyed if my partner couldn't have waited 5 sodding minutes for something like this.
This^
It’s like he and NT child saw the opportunity to go around without ND child and used it immediately. They should have run after you to stay together and to help you if you need it.
People who comment “lesson’s learned and it’s one of this thing” don’t know how hard it is for a parent when there is a ND child in the family and the whole family tries to shift all responsibilities just on this one parent (somehow it’s Mum all the time)

Of course you should have run straight after him without stopping to consult with your DH, who sounds useless tbh. Then he walks off and just leaves you to get on with it, and you don't have your stuff? Absolute prick. I'd be furious.