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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was bu? Day out split up.

196 replies

Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 09:50

So we DH and I were on a day out at a Theme park with our ND 10 year old and NT 16 year old.
We were all together when ND child bolted as they wanted to go on a specific ride. We use this theme park lots so child knows it well. I run after child and returned to where we were with child and DH and older teen had gone. I had nothing with me as I didn't pick up my bag when I ran.
So as DH and older child were gone whrn we returned me and youngest were stranded with no phone or money to buy drink etc.
By the time we were finally reunited wuththe help of Park Staff I did complain that they should have stayed put. However it was apparently down to ADHD child for running off or my fault for not iistening where they were going next and not having my phone. I know there were general chit chat about rides they wanted to do but no definitive decision IMO.
So,who was bu?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/07/2022 19:20

SherbertLemonDrop · 29/07/2022 18:53

5 minutes stood in the same spot at a theme park not knowing where you was or how long you'd be..... I'd have gone on a ride aswell.

You’d abandon your partner and your ND child, with no phone and no money, and vanish without bothering to make sure your child was OK, because you didn’t want to wait just 5 minutes, @SherbertLemonDrop?

How selfish and uncaring.

JustLyra · 29/07/2022 20:09

SherbertLemonDrop · 29/07/2022 18:53

5 minutes stood in the same spot at a theme park not knowing where you was or how long you'd be..... I'd have gone on a ride aswell.

You’d have gone on a ride without actually knowing (or caring) if your child had been found safe or not?

Londoncallingme · 29/07/2022 21:25

Rule: If ever you can’t find patent, stay where you last saw them and they will find you. Did DH’s mother teach him nothing?

Londoncallingme · 29/07/2022 21:25

@What’s ND and NT?

Isaidnoalready · 29/07/2022 21:33

Londoncallingme · 29/07/2022 21:25

@What’s ND and NT?

Neurodivergent and neurotypical

Purplepussycat · 29/07/2022 22:57

some Of these post are absolute batshit and clearly have no experience with a nd child. I have two runners and if either bolt I’m running after them as a priority or god knows what would happen. Having runner is so difficult at times constantly have to assess where there escape routes are ect. Ignore the other poster your husband should have 100% waited.

Shelby2010 · 29/07/2022 23:09

I would have expected one adult to run after child & other (with older DC) to follow in the direction of the ride with the bags.

BiscoffAnythingIsTheWayForward · 29/07/2022 23:30

How thoughtless of you to not plan ahead for the u planned bolting of your ND child 🤦🏻‍♀️ I swear, some people. If only we were all so perfect. I am the parent of a 6 year ND child and he is exactly the same. No time for planning and in fact we avoid crowded places altogether for him, mainly because of the dangers involved in him running off as he has zero safety awareness. The fact that your husband didn’t get any sort of verbal confirmation from you after he seemeingly shouted after you where they were going is where this debate ends. He should have stayed put because clearly your focus is on the safety of your child, not what fun he and your other child are planning next 🤦🏻‍♀️ And no concern at all for if you had caught up to him or checking if they had your phone and purse with them. One things for sure. This won’t happen again…not for you or many others as it highlights for sure the need to spell it out for all involved.

CrisPbacon · 30/07/2022 00:47

I'd be annoyed. It was a short time; DH should've waited, out of concern for your child and courtesy to you but also because he had all your stuff, so you were unable to go off and enjoy yourselves.

Slv199 · 30/07/2022 08:30

This sort of thing has happened to me more than once, when my phone has been in the change bag on the pushchair. Luckily I know DHs mobile number so I find a family who I think might be sympathetic and ask to use a mobile to phone DH. Other parents are usually more than happy to let you make a call on their mobile.

whynotwhatknot · 30/07/2022 14:52

she did phone him he didnt answer the phone call thats how bloody concerned he was

TrashPandas · 30/07/2022 15:04

Discovereads · 28/07/2022 18:01

It only obvious if you’re the type of person who thinks the way you think is the only right way to think otherwise the other person isn’t “functioning”. How horribly intolerant of you.

It’s common sense to have a plan in the event of being split up because different people always come up with different solutions, all of which are perfectly functioning.

Show quote history

Nope. Any reasonable, functioning person would stay put.

Isaidnoalready · 30/07/2022 19:51

whynotwhatknot · 30/07/2022 14:52

she did phone him he didnt answer the phone call thats how bloody concerned he was

No he phoned her and had her phone so it was pointless really

Original poster
Funinthesun75 · 30/07/2022 22:16

I also got members of staff to phone my phone. I couldn't remember his number initially.He didn't answer. I thsn remembered number and got them to ring his phone. It went to voicemail so I left a voicemail saying where we were. He didn't come in 10 minutes so staff advised us to back to where we were. Tried again about 15 minutes later and he answered. He said he got message eventually but was too late to come as they were in ride queue. He also asked if younger child was with me. You know the more I see this written down the more cross I get.

OP posts:
Devora13 · 30/07/2022 23:18

Not very group minded, just wandering off. Surely they could have figured out that if you hadn't taken your bag with you, you would need them to wait? And even if they had said 'Okay we'll be off to x ride,' I think I would have been pretty miffed that they were just leaving you to sort out what was essentially a family problem.

Forgottenwhatsleepis · 31/07/2022 10:47

YANBU for having the hump with your DH, especially as he knew the 10 y/o had bolted, however if you are regular visitors to a theme park, then YABU to not have a plan in place before you leave, to ALL keep your own phones, money and at least a drink on them, and have a set meeting point in case you get split up. Put it down to experience, learn from it, then move on.

Anothermother3 · 31/07/2022 11:10

This is about the bigger picture and you being the default parent. So often it’s the mother who ends up doing this especially if you are more understanding and dh less patient. This is the point that needs further discussion when the immediate incident has settled. Have you been the one to do all the assessments and psycho education etc? Time for dh to step up?

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 31/07/2022 19:36

Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:31

He wasn't even 100% sure I had caught up with child. @girlmom21

That’s the most staggering thing in this all

latetothefisting · 31/07/2022 22:37

Funinthesun75 · 30/07/2022 22:16

I also got members of staff to phone my phone. I couldn't remember his number initially.He didn't answer. I thsn remembered number and got them to ring his phone. It went to voicemail so I left a voicemail saying where we were. He didn't come in 10 minutes so staff advised us to back to where we were. Tried again about 15 minutes later and he answered. He said he got message eventually but was too late to come as they were in ride queue. He also asked if younger child was with me. You know the more I see this written down the more cross I get.

So if, god forbid, you hadn't been able to find DS, or, worse, he had run off and injured himself (not entirely impossible), DH wouldn't have even known about it for nearly half an hour, and that's with you having the nous to find a staff member and remember his number (I don't know anyone else's number at all off by heart so I'd be useless!). I don't blame you for getting annoyed, he's sounding more and more like a dick.

I just can't imagine the school of thought that your ND son could be missing inside a giant themepark and your reaction is to go and queue for a ride....

BusyMum47 · 31/07/2022 23:55

@Funinthesun75 You're 100% NOT in the wrong or over reacting here - I would have been absolutely bloody FUMING in your situation!! Your husband & older son could, & should, have waited where they were, to allow you time to catch up & come back with your youngest. (Or followed you, in pursuit of him!) It was obvious to them that you were forced to dash off with absolutely nothing on you. Your husband acted like a selfish twat. And then to try to wriggle out of it by blaming you & your youngest son?? Dick.

Sisisimone · 01/08/2022 18:16

It's incomprehensible really, what your DH did. He was 100% in the wrong for not waiting for you. But to just fuck off, knowing you had no bag or phone and then not answer when you were phoning, that is just absolutely disgusting. Something could have happened to your DS and he could obviously not give one shit. Do you think he didn't answer on purpose? Because you would be looking out for a call if you had lost your OH and child wouldn't you? In any case I think there must be something very wrong in the relationship for him to show you so little thought or care

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