Who was bu? Day out split up.

[Funinthesun75]

So we DH and I were on a day out at a Theme park with our ND 10 year old and NT 16 year old.
We were all together when ND child bolted as they wanted to go on a specific ride. We use this theme park lots so child knows it well. I run after child and returned to where we were with child and DH and older teen had gone. I had nothing with me as I didn't pick up my bag when I ran.
So as DH and older child were gone whrn we returned me and youngest were stranded with no phone or money to buy drink etc.
By the time we were finally reunited wuththe help of Park Staff I did complain that they should have stayed put. However it was apparently down to ADHD child for running off or my fault for not iistening where they were going next and not having my phone. I know there were general chit chat about rides they wanted to do but no definitive decision IMO.
So,who was bu?

Try the Mumsnet Acronyms page.

But surely DH could be the one to run after child? Why is it always on OP?

Your DH was BU IMO.

I think they did this to get away from the 10 year old child.
Selfish.

But the child does need to learn not to run off at some point surely?

Your DH should have stayed where he was and waited for your return. The fact that he left and didn't know his younger child was safe is shocking tbh.

However I do think that the visit seemed to be poorly planned. All the phones being in the same bag is crazy. You have been to theme park before. Your know there is a water ride hence you come prepared with your phone in a waterproof bag rather than handing it off to someone else to mind when you know there is a risk your child will blot. Likewise you need to have your card/money as well.

For the next visit you need to agree that if your son blots that you either all go a particular point to meet or that that the others stay where they are.

Six of one, half a dozen of the other. Not worth dwelling on.

Am genuinely astonished at many of the replied. You did rght to chase after your DC. Your DP couldn't wait five minutes or follow you and DC? What plan did they have to meet up once they moved off from the only place you knew where they were? Is your DP always difficult or not think things through? Entirely understand about not carryine phones on some rides.

In case you get separated/lost, always stay put. That has always been the rule when teaching kids

I don’t know why I added another DC in after answering previously.
I asked MN to delete as soon I as I realised but not quickly enough

🤦‍♀️

Sorry, can't see how this ties to my question?

@Funinthesun75 is this simply then the case that it is always you who plans/organises is aware of stuff.

So his default is simply just to move on and assume that you had both caught up with your child and you had a means of communicating because it had never occurred to him that because you had been on the water ride he had the phone. And he is so used to you making sure things are fine he knew they were?

And now he is not accepting any responsibility

What a profound statement. I’m sure OP didn’t know this until you mentioned it.

OP, as an aside, would DC wear a gps watch or similar in places like this?

In the OP's shoes I would be bloody annoyed if my partner couldn't have waited 5 sodding minutes for something like this.

Maybe DH assumed the OP would let the child go on the ride instead of taking him straight back to meet them.

Maybe DH waited, tried ringing them and they didn’t answer and so assumed that they were on the rides so went on the ride that they said they were going on next to meet them there, like most people would do.

I would hope that OP wouldn’t have let DS on the ride after he ran off and knew that DH and other DC were waiting as that is taking the piss.

It needs to be sorted out and a plan agreed, so it doesn’t happen again. After the panic of retreating a bolted child, the last thing OP needed was not having the means to get a drink or another adult to help her decompress, when she was on her own.

5 minutes?

Both of you are to blame here imo. Both of you have planned this outing poorly given that you are both aware you have a ND child who is a bolter. You should have a waterproof bag with your items in so that you are not left without a phone or money. You and DH should have a code word to shout if a child has bolted and you need them to stay where they are until you return. I also would be setting out very clear time scales about who is responsible for your 10yo at the start of the day, so that it is a responsibility shared equally.

You say DH is shifting the blame onto you and your 10yo, but this post is literally you shifting blame onto your DH. The only people not at fault are your children.

5 minutes?

They had discussed where they were going next/meeting.

He could have assumed that DS was going on the ride which obviously takes time to queue and do it but he wasn’t to know that they were coming straight back.
He could have bolted for another ride straight after.

The fact that their son is 10 and this must happen regularly means that they cannot spend all day waiting for DS as that’s not fair on the other child.

The logical thing would be to meet at the place they had discussed so the other child can start queuing for the ride.

I totally get you op, my dd is asd and would bolt if they got something in their head. Your DH and DC should have stayed put. Next time reiterate to them, to stay where they are or go to a specific location.

Your DH is totally at fault. He should of stayed put, its no real hardship to wait 5 minutes. You were already stressed catching up with child. DH just added to your stress.

I just think this is so much drama over nothing.

You weren’t bloody stranded and if you were dehydrated I’m sure the cafe would have given you some free tap water.

DH thought you were meeting at the ride.
You thought he was staying put.

It’s done. There’s no point dwelling on it.

In future have a plan and keep your phones on.
Take in turns going around with one child so the eldest isn’t spending their time running after or waiting around for DS.

If my ND child ran off and their other parent chased after them I would care. My priority would be making sure the other parent caught up and everything was ok.

I would not just carry on with my day. That is someone who doesn't give a shit.

Both my children are nd and are now in their 20s. Plenty of running has been done over the years and never, not even once in all those years has either of us shrugged our shoulders and left the other one to it.

It's not ok.

Basic common sense for them to stay put till you got back.

How did they think you were going to find each other?

DH was in the wrong. He should have waited to make sure that your younger child had been found before heading off to go on another ride.

He also needs to take part in coming up with a plan for what to do if anything like this ever happens again and not just leave it all to his DW.

What do you teach your kids to do if they get lost?

I would have expected the DH to stay put snd wait for the parent to return with child that ran off.

I would be cross if my DH and other child buggered off to have a lovely time given not one f about me and escapee child.

But lesson learnt, he's not got the same view.

Clearly you must have a pre agreed plan for anyone being separated in the future. And clearly you need to keep your phone on you at all times. Time to invest in a waterproof cover and/small bag that you can keep it safely in.

I would be really cross snd disappointed in your situation. Hope you're ok