Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was bu? Day out split up.

196 replies

Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 09:50

So we DH and I were on a day out at a Theme park with our ND 10 year old and NT 16 year old.
We were all together when ND child bolted as they wanted to go on a specific ride. We use this theme park lots so child knows it well. I run after child and returned to where we were with child and DH and older teen had gone. I had nothing with me as I didn't pick up my bag when I ran.
So as DH and older child were gone whrn we returned me and youngest were stranded with no phone or money to buy drink etc.
By the time we were finally reunited wuththe help of Park Staff I did complain that they should have stayed put. However it was apparently down to ADHD child for running off or my fault for not iistening where they were going next and not having my phone. I know there were general chit chat about rides they wanted to do but no definitive decision IMO.
So,who was bu?

OP posts:
Discovereads · 28/07/2022 10:16

Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:13

Do if Ihad my phone on my personal or eould probable be wrecked as I was soaked from coming off a water ride.

It’s a theme park FFS. You should know a water ride is in the cards. You should have taken a back pack or waist bag and popped your phone in a zip lock bag if the bag itself wasn’t water resistant. This whole idea of rocking off to a theme park with your phone in your pocket is just piss poor planning.

MangoBiscuit · 28/07/2022 10:17

In the OP's shoes I would be bloody annoyed if my partner couldn't have waited 5 sodding minutes for something like this.

Yes I get that making sure you always have phones is a good idea, and setting up a meeting point before hand is a good idea. But none of that applied here. A child ran off, so one of the adults had to act immeadiately. I think the other adult should have been trying to make it easier for the one dealing with that, not buggering off and carrying on with their day like it wasn't their problem.

Original poster
Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:18

I immediately saw child bolt and ran straight after child but I am not built for speed. Ride was not in sight but maybe a 2 minute or so run in a slightly different part of park It is not a specific favourite ride but one we had already been on thst day. Neither of us could have known where child was heading.

OP posts:
gogogadgetgo · 28/07/2022 10:19

Where did they go?!

To be honest I get it's all shit happens. Spur of the moment. Panicked situation etc.

But they didn't wait to see if you got him? They know you didn't have your phone or money? How was he planning to meet up with you again?

Original poster
Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:22

Well I didn't think there was any need for a ziplock bag etc because DH had already said he wasn't going on water ride and would hold stuff.
Also seriously pissed off of always being the one to think of everything.

OP posts:
Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 28/07/2022 10:22

Could there be some resentment from the siblings? Is their day usually disrupted in such a way by their sibling absconding?

It can be difficult to juggle the needs of the ND child but also not creating resentment with the NT child.

Original poster
Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:24

I actually don't think they realised I didn't have the phone as they tried to message me whilst it was in the bag. Although that is odd since why would I take my phone on a water ride whrn DH had said he would hold onto stuff.

OP posts:
SparklyLeprechaun · 28/07/2022 10:25

It's just one of those things, it happens. Wrong of DH to leave, but he probably thought you knew where they were going next or wasn't immediately aware he had all the phones or thought you might go with DS on the ride you were following him to and didn't expect you to return immediately. The nasty thing is you two blaming each other for a misunderstanding.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 28/07/2022 10:25

How anyone can blame a mother retrieving her child is a mystery. Your husband should have waited.

Original poster
Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:28

They went yo a totally different area of the Park to go on a ride.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 28/07/2022 10:29

Did he think you'd taken DD on the other ride?

Original poster
Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:30

O and the NT child went off on their own later in the day anyway after we were reunited and had agreed a meeting place for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:31

He wasn't even 100% sure I had caught up with child. @girlmom21

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 28/07/2022 10:31

Then they are if it was 5 minutes they are in the wrong

TheChosenTwo · 28/07/2022 10:31

I all sounds a bit fraught and stressful. I think you just need to chalk this one up as experience. Next time, considering you know you have a child who is liable to take off, agree a meeting point as soon as you get there (or even before if you know the place you’re going to) so that even if you find yourself phoneless etc you know to just wait by said spot.
it’s pointless now trying to work out who ‘deserves to be blamed’ - it happened, learn what can be done better next time and move on. Don’t waste your energy on it 💐

Bumbers · 28/07/2022 10:38

I would have been so annoyed if I was you!! But I know no one meant anything bad, so try and move on.

Namechangehereandnow · 28/07/2022 10:42

ND child bolted as they wanted to go on a specific ride. We use this theme park lots so child knows it well. THEN neither of us could have know where the child was heading - which was it? It sounds like you both knew where the child was heading, dh assumed you’d take child on ride, so he took other dd on different ride.

No-one is really in the wrong imo - dh knew you’d catch up with child as the child was heading towards a specific ride, he also tried to call you, so obviously assumed you had your phone, got no answer so assumed you had taken child on the ride. I think you both need to just put it behind you and make a definite plan for if this happens again.

Appleblum · 28/07/2022 10:42

That's not ok. They should have stayed put. How would DH have even known otherwise if you managed to catch up with your other child?

TrashPandas · 28/07/2022 10:43

I don't understand most of these replies. Of course they should have waited, and no it isn't ridiculous to give your phones to the person not going on a water ride. You are 100% not in the wrong OP.

notanicepersonapparently · 28/07/2022 10:44

He was wrong not to have waited for you to return. Next time send him to run after the 10 year old.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 28/07/2022 10:44

Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:06

Our child although sometimes I do feel that I am the one taking responsibility 99% of the time when out.

I think this is the crux of the issue. You were already resentful (with some justification given the above), so what happened has already been elevated to a bigger deal in your mind; quite understandably so.

Good communication is key. Prolonging your annoyance won't help - it tends to make people double down - but you do need to thrash out a clear understanding about who is responsible for what when out. As PPs have suggested, a contingency plan is a good idea in the event that the same thing happens again.

Flowers for you OP. Caring for a ND child is far from easy, and you deserve proper support.

girlmom21 · 28/07/2022 10:45

Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:31

He wasn't even 100% sure I had caught up with child. @girlmom21

He was a massive idiot then. Didn't even check his child was safe.

NatMoz · 28/07/2022 10:47

I swear people commenting are bat shit.

100% they should have stayed put while you ran after the child. That or headed to the ride child was running to so that you could all be reunited faster.

Snowneep · 28/07/2022 10:47

Your DH is 100% in the wrong and should have stayed put until you returned with your child. Also how could he have wandered off not knowing if his child was safe or not!?! I would be absolutely furious if my DP wandered off and even more furious if he then tried to blame anything on me or ND child!

We have ND DS6 who is a bolted and a runner (and blinking fast!), we have an agreed plan for days out that if he bolts whoever goes after him shouts a code word so the other knows he’s bolted (just incase they haven’t noticed as we usually have DD9 & DS3 with is so easy to be distracted) and the other parent and children stay put until they return - even DD9 knows to stop dead and wait when she hears us shout the code word. With phones I carry mine in a waterproof bum bag as DP usually has the backpack with everything else in. But regardless if I didn’t have my phone I know he would be where I left him.

Original poster
Funinthesun75 · 28/07/2022 10:49

Both are not ok. There is plenty of blame to share between both adults- you and DH. In no way is the 10yo ND child to blame. @Discovereads
Yet DHs 1st response was to blame said child. Maybe that was what got my back up so much. That and being dehydrated.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread