To ask why you have the number of children you have?

[TheGeoffLinton]

I keep hearing that we’re having too few children to maintain the population. It seems to be a problem in a few countries in the West now. Often practical reasons are cited - having children later due to expensive childcare and not being able to get on the housing ladder means having fewer children. Sometimes they have a bit of a weird tone, like women and families aren’t doing their duty, does anyone else feel that?

You see suggested solutions like you could get a payment if you had more than 2 children? Would that be an incentive or would you find that weird?! Do you think subsidised childcare would be a better idea?

Personally I have no children, I’ve just never felt broody or maternal. I’d just be interested in what women actually think about this, not just the stats presented - if you have kids would you have more if you could afford it or would you always have stopped at 1 or 2?

I know this is the most journalist-sounding post but I really am just curious. I also appreciate there will be lots who can’t have any at all

1)I am gay so it isn't going to happen easily
2)I have never been maternal (much like yourself) but had I met the right person, I may have changed toward that. Unfortunately I never have.
3)I am a bit of an antinatalist for reasons that are obvious in this climate.

I couldn't afford anymore. If money was no object and I had lots of help with them I would have had more. As it is money is an object and we have no support so 2 it is.

I have one. Purely because I've never been able to get pregnant again. I wanted 4.

I had one at 41, DH was 46. One suits our circumstances perfectly, we wouldn’t have had more, unless we were very much younger oerhaps. But we weren’t sure we wanted any.i was never maternal or broody either but adore DD, best last minute decision ever.

The thought of going through childbirth for a second time was bad enough, never mind a third! I was always pretty sure I wanted children and didn't want to have an only child. So two was the obvious number.

I wanted another one. He didn't. Split up and now in a same sex relationship. Both too old to start IVF etc.

I originally wanted two boys then a girl when I had my first boy at 21. Two years later I had a girl and decided I didnt want any more. My H had a vasectomy when our youngest was six months old and we never looked back.

We stopped at two because (a) we could comfortably afford a nice life with two, (b) we had two healthy DC, I would have been 40ish and we didn’t want to roll the dice again, (c) the lack of a full night’s sleep (neither DC sleep through reliably until gone 4 years old), (d) I had had a few friends have a bonus baby (ie twins) and really didn’t fancy four DC!

It wouldn’t be a disaster if we had DC3, we’d cope, but we’re done (bar an accident) at three.

My body is rubbish at pregnancy. I had two and I would have had more, but the second one I was in hospital 3 times, for several weeks at a time, and ended up giving birth at 2 weeks. A third would be likely to have been even more preemie and we just decided we were lucky with what we had and not to gamble with a child’s potential health.

So money would have made no difference. I’d still like another tbh. But it wouldn’t have been fair.

Two hands...two kids

I have 2. I always wanted 2. I wouldn't have felt 'finished' with 1 and I feel content that my 2 have eachother (if they at least get along enough to come together in hard times when they are older).

There is no incentive on earth to entice me into having more. It's like society views 9months of pregnancy, childbirth followed by newborn care (no real break for the mother in between) as light work. it may be for others, but certainly wasn't for me.

32 weeks sorry 😳

After the first two DC, I decided to have one more. Then decided three was an odd number and didn't feel comfortable with this, went on to have my last. Luckily have four children who are great company in this crazy world.

I have 3 (1 girl, 2 boys), wanted 4 but marriage broke down. Though recognise I'm very fortunate, I still regret not having 4.

Not to mention the cost and practicalities of having 3+. Not for me. No way.

Because her dad wouldn't let me have more than one ☹️

0 - never met anyone to have kids with.

I understand we have issues with a declining birthrate and not enough working age people to sustain the ageing population, but the planet cannot sustain the number of people we already have. That problem doesn't magically solve itself.

I was a happy only child and we have one. Quite a few of the aspects of birth/baby/toddler are enormously shit and I didn't want to do it again. My sleep and pelvic floor have never recovered.

Even if I could, there is no WAY I'd have more children, not for love nor money!
I love my two DC very much, but fuck me sideways, I have not found being a parent at all easy, thus far. 😅

I have two, which is what I always hoped for. Not sure why that number - maybe just because I'm from a family of 2 kids and it seemed very common among friends. To be honest, while I was desperately broody for the first, I never felt that way second time - it was a "nice to have" rather than essential.

Absolutely no desire to have more. It's not the cost or housing - we own our house and probably could afford another child. But I hate being pregnant, and while I love my boys more than anything, it has been hard, hard work and I'm not sure my marriage would survive another. I also love my career and don't want to take more time out/steps down on the ladder. So the amount on offer would have to be quite significant to make me consider it!

I have 2. I would've wanted a big family if we could afford it and had a big house and didn't have to work full time, would've had at least 4. However, I'm happy with my 2. They're close in age and each other's best friend.

I have 0 as I have yet to successfully conceive. In an ideal world I'd have 2. I think more than 2 it's too difficult to give them enough attention.

1. At 36 im too old for another

Stopped at one because dh was so ill. His doctor said we could only have another one if I could guarantee doing all the night waking. I did most of it but I was never going to guarantee doing 100%. We did in fact have approximately 48 hours where we thought we'd try for another, and I woke up in a total panic with flashbacks to childbirth (v straightforward birth, most women's idea of a 'dream birth' probably, but it hurt like absolute fuck and I didn't want to do it again). Dh had a vasectomy shortly afterwards.

I feel a bit of a failure as ds would have loved a sibling but it was the right decision and it wasn't about money (unless someone was going to offer us 5 years of a night nanny).

I had five years of infertility before getting one.

So never really bothered with contraception. 18 year marriage . Never used contraception. 2nd arrived 18 months later .. 3rd 7 years later .. feel absolutely complete and now post menopause ..