To ask why you have the number of children you have?

[TheGeoffLinton]

I keep hearing that we’re having too few children to maintain the population. It seems to be a problem in a few countries in the West now. Often practical reasons are cited - having children later due to expensive childcare and not being able to get on the housing ladder means having fewer children. Sometimes they have a bit of a weird tone, like women and families aren’t doing their duty, does anyone else feel that?

You see suggested solutions like you could get a payment if you had more than 2 children? Would that be an incentive or would you find that weird?! Do you think subsidised childcare would be a better idea?

Personally I have no children, I’ve just never felt broody or maternal. I’d just be interested in what women actually think about this, not just the stats presented - if you have kids would you have more if you could afford it or would you always have stopped at 1 or 2?

I know this is the most journalist-sounding post but I really am just curious. I also appreciate there will be lots who can’t have any at all

Because I have a terrible track record at staying pregnant quite long enough for them to be born “viable” and there are only so many times you can go into the process knowing you might be burying them and then going back to work the next week like nothing happened.

I am lucky I have wonderful living children but the not living outnumber them significantly.

I'm about to have my third. My husband is a third child and always wanted 3. I didn't feel finished at 2 and now my older 2 are old enough I felt I could cope. Getting pg has been easy for us, but being Pg has been hard for me, with several complications so for that reason wouldn't want more. Feel we could cope practically/money wise/car and house space wise with 3, but definitely not more. Feel confident and totally sure that this is my last. Did not feel that way after 2.

I have 3.

I did get pregnant again with twins but had a TFMR.

I don't regret that decision one bit as it was the best thing for everyone involved. I do hate that I was ever put in that situation (ex admitted to tampering with condoms)

I can't have any more children due to my health so three it is. I'd have liked one or two more but it wasn't to be.

We had to pay for IVF for DC #2 which ate in to our savings substantially and we don't have the ability to pay for two in childcare at the same time (approximately £1200 a month per child around here). If my age was lower and childcare wasn't as costly we'd definitely try for baby 3. Unfortunately we can't even foster or adopt as we can't afford a four bedroom home, because it's a £180k+ increase around here, to give the child their own room/space otherwise I'd have loved to foster children as well.

no 2 company for no 1
agreed to no. 3 in the delivery room high on endorphins from no 2
no 4 because I went to bed poorly 2 hours before I was due to take my pill

.. but I KNEW I wasn't done at 2...

We have two children, if my husband had agreed to dogs when we married I probably wouldn't have any children.. I don't think anyone needs more than two, and am not saddened that my two, at the moment would prefer not to have children. The world is a mess and they don't want to add to the population. I look at the state of the world and the probable future financial and pension issues and feel guilty for having them.

One. I had her when I was 40 after having and recovering from cancer on my womb. I was happy (thrilled) with one.

Then my hormones made one last revolt and I suddenly announced I wanted a second. I was devastated when DH said no, he is too old and five is enough for him. He was right but my rational brain wasn't working.

It didn't matter as it turned out as cancer caught me again, I went into menopause with the treatment and then had to have a full hysterectomy.

The broodiness has passed and I'm back to being thrilled with my one.

3

I wanted 4 but I couldn’t put myself through pregnancy and Labour again. I have horrific sciatica and disc issues. Pregnancy exacerbates that. I still haven’t fully recovered after DD was born. Also given the financial climate right now 4 would be too many. We are fine with 3 but 4 would financially be a stretch

i would rather suffer the financial consequences of not maintaining the population than the consequences on the environment of the population staying the same/ getting bigger . I think that is a bigger problem. So it the population reduces I see that as a good thing. I am a total hypocrite by three way as I have three. I wanted three as I felt lonely as a child with one sister I didn’t get on with. I wanted a big noisy family.

I have one, 3 YO. Born when I was almost 29 and not planned but never regretted. I do not plan on anymore. 1, terrible pregnancy, mentally and physically draining. 2, costs of childcare makes it near impossible. 3, after a 17 year long relationship I ended up a single parent anyway, thanks to an abusive arsehole so doubt I'd trust anyone again.

2
I originally wanted 3, but had horrible sickness and nausea in both pregnancy. Unless a stork brings me another I’m leaving it now.

I have 1. Wanted 2 but wasn't able to have any more.

I'm an only child so I really wanted to have more than one child. I had my son which was a massively traumatic birth but I still got up the courage somehow to have a second. I've had prenatal anxiety and post natal depression/anxiety for both children. Plus ptsd after ds. I love babies and having children but I now know I don't cope well with pregnancy psychologically or post natally.

Financially a third child would likely be fine and if someone could hand a baby to me, I'd say yes in an instant. But I just don't think I could go through pregnancy again, it wouldn't be fair to my dc. Plus I'm 35 (not getting any younger), ds is nearly 4 and dd is 1 so my focus is on them. They keep me pretty busy 😊

I have had sex twice. I have 2 children

One. I developed a serious condition after giving birth and several drs told me not to risk my life with another pregnancy so I didn’t.

Had mine in late 30's and then had 4 years where I was both nursing my Mum through terminal cancer and fighting for my son's autism assessment. Didn't have the energy to try for another. By the time things had calmed down, I was past the point of no return fertility-wise.

I don't feel deprived of a second-child for my own sake. But I feel guilty my child doesn't have a sibling.

I have 2 year old twin boys. We did think about a 3rd, however the fear of potentially having another set of twins is definitely a factor in not having any more children. Also, as others have said, we could live a comfortable life with just 2. 3+ would be tough.

Only had one only ever wanted one. Me and my husband decided very early on that we only wanted to give our full attention to one child so for us money got nothing to do with it. But you wouldn't believe how many people have said to me its selfish only having one child which is one of the most bizarre things I've ever heard in my life🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️.

3 - always wanted 3. Not 100% sure I’m done but I’m 75% sure 🤣
Wish I had that ‘completed’ feeling though but think I’ll always love and miss the newborn stage.

I'd like 3. Got one and expecting another at the moment. It's becoming apparent that I tend towards trickier pregnancies though so will need to put a fair bit of thought into whether or not a third really is a good idea. I'm not sure there's anything that a government could do about that!

A surprisingly large issue if you want more than 2 is cars and car seats - fitting 3 car seats into many cars is difficult. So if there were some better (but not hideously expensive) solutions to that, that might be one barrier removed.

I have one. Nearly a decade of secondary infertility, treatments and early losses later I still have one. Now in peri menopause so my body decided for me.

Three.

Two are a pair of twins.

I am so surprised that there are stats suggesting population growth is slowing because I still think it's growing at an alarming rate. England alone is heavily overpopulated for such a relatively small country. Though I can see how people waiting longer to have children or choosing not to have them these days would affect the growth. I can only see it as a good thing though to help balance out the fact medical care and better food (in rich countries) would keep people alive longer and maintain population.

I always imagined I would have 2 children, no more, no less. I am 30 and my partner is 31, we have decided to only have one child as, honestly, we would prefer to devote all of our time, love and attention to one child. We also feel we couldn't cope with more than one child financially and lots of other reasons. I personally don't understand why people have a lot of children and wonder how they cope! We still probably won't try for a child for another couple of years yet as having a child is life changing and we have wanted to enjoy our lives together as much as we can

We had two as we felt we could give two a good life and I had no desire for any more.