To ask why you have the number of children you have?

[TheGeoffLinton]

I keep hearing that we’re having too few children to maintain the population. It seems to be a problem in a few countries in the West now. Often practical reasons are cited - having children later due to expensive childcare and not being able to get on the housing ladder means having fewer children. Sometimes they have a bit of a weird tone, like women and families aren’t doing their duty, does anyone else feel that?

You see suggested solutions like you could get a payment if you had more than 2 children? Would that be an incentive or would you find that weird?! Do you think subsidised childcare would be a better idea?

Personally I have no children, I’ve just never felt broody or maternal. I’d just be interested in what women actually think about this, not just the stats presented - if you have kids would you have more if you could afford it or would you always have stopped at 1 or 2?

I know this is the most journalist-sounding post but I really am just curious. I also appreciate there will be lots who can’t have any at all

1. I was so desperate for babies that I dated every "sensible father material" type of guy going but I got it wrong a lot and started later than I wanted. When I did find someone I was fixated on two and close together. I think if I'd been younger I would have had a gap and then a third. My second was a really tough baby and took it out of me so much that I couldn't go again quickly and then I couldn't go back to all that. I'd be happier of they had more cousins.

Was never broody, thought I'd want 0.
Met DH, had 2 in quick succession.
No intention of being outnumbered so had the snip (me not him).
All this guff about producing more children to provide for an ageing population will just mean an even bigger ageing population further down the line, and more children needed to support them, ad infinitum.

Because I had twins

We have one. Desperately trying to give her a sibling but it’s really hard.

I have 2 because I always wanted more than one child.

I have 2 because my second child has put me off ever having any more.

Have 2.

If I felt we had affordable housing and a society where I could stay home then only work part time while they were in school, really good schools everywhere and a real community…all in a place where commUting to London is possible for DH…I’d have 3 or 4. It I can’t do what I would like to on only DHs pay.

I have 1. My partner has 3 and I just see it as unmanageable.

Have 2

Wanted 3
Fertility problems meant we never had #3

I have 3 - boy, girl, boy and very close in age. I did (intentionally) get pregnant with a 4th baby, but had a miscarriage, lost my confidence and didn’t try again (already so lucky with 3 great kids, didn’t want to push it). I’m never quite sure how I feel about it - sometimes sad, sometimes relieved and that it worked out for the best. I could probably just manage another in terms of age - I’m nearly 40 - but the age gap would be huge now and life has moved on from babies.

Two as I we wanted to go travelling when they were grown up and we had our health . Plus it would have been a tight squeeze in our house and we could not afford to move . So two was enough. Got sick of people asking if we were going to try for a girl !

I and several of my friends all had similar experiences:

• met life partner at university ie the couple are approximately same age


• woman starts wanting babies around age 25-8, man says ‘definitely one day’ but doesn’t propose til age 30 and marriage is age 31


• couple starts trying for babies around age 32


• they have 1-3 children in their mid-thirties then discover to their extremely grief that the woman’s eggs no longer work.

Do I sound bitter? I am. My generation was taught that the worst possible mistake a woman can make is have babies young and that the ‘best’ women focus on their careers first. What total crap. You can build a career any age but for most women, eggs stop working in mid to late thirties.

My advice to young women is to marry a guy 5 years around older if possible, and have babies asap.

To answer your question l, I have one child, I’d have loved to have 4-5.

I have 3 - started lateish at 32, next at 34 - happy with the two but at 38 had number 3 because I really wanted one more

One and done. Too old for another (I'm 42) and I honestly couldn't be arsed now.

I had the number I planned to have as a child.

Women in developed countries are having fewer because having DC's ruins your life!

If we could have the lives fathers have...

The birth rate would surely be higher...

I'm so sorry to hear of the difficulties you've faced. I have an Aunt who couldn't have children and it breaks my heart as she is such a wonderful, kind and fun Aunty. She would have made the best Mum, but it just wasn't to be. I know she will always grieve for what she couldn't have, but she has had a full and wonderful life as an adult. She has lived and worked abroad in a number of countries, travelled extensively and had lots of local adventures too. She took up triathlons in her 50s and started learning Italian in her 60s for example. I hope that you can similarly have a fun and happy life even if it's not in the way you had previously hoped for.

I was only allowed one. Now I wouldn't touch a man with a bargepole.

Two - I wanted a third but my wife just didn't feel the same so.... just the two.

One who I gave birth to yesterday! I'd say anymore is highly unlikely as we had IVF to get him, things got very difficult in the last few weeks before giving birth and I know my partner does not want me to go through all that again.

I had my oldest and then wanted a second close in age to them;mainly because there was a huge age gap between myself and my siblings.

Then I fell pregnant (unplanned) when DC number two was only 6 months which was a shock and then had a MMC:afterwards we tried immediately for another because it made us realise that we wanted a third.

After three in three years we decided DH would get a vasectomy.The procedure was booked then cancelled and rebooked by the hospital and in those 3 months between those two dates I fell pregnant (unplanned) with my 4th DC.

I was young when I had my DC's (under 25) and don't know if I'd make the same choices now I'm older and wiser as it was seriously hard having 4 small children when we were so young and financially unstable whilst DH was trying to establish a career and living in a house that needed a complete renovation and I look back and I honestly don't know how I got through that early years.

1. I very much want more. I have the two I have because my exh left me when I was 8 months pregnant with our second child.

Since then I dip in and out of online dating but it is depressing out there and I haven't met anyone. Not even come close.

I'm still hoping to meet someone (and not just for a baby obviously) but I'm 37 this year so it's starting to feel like quite a vain hope that more children or even one more child will happen.

In an ideal world and if I hadn't married such a prick then I would have had three, possibly four depending on how we felt, finances etc. I just don't feel in any way 'done' or like my family is 'complete' with the (extraordinary, wonderful, fantastic and brilliant) two I have. It feels like there's at least one more child missing somewhere.

I am of course incredibly grateful for my children that I do have and am aware that I am very very lucky to have them. But this being a thread about why we have that number well that's why; two is not the number I would have decided on

I find the premise of this thread a wee bit odd. Why does the west need to encourage people to have bigger families while at the same time repelling all would-be immigrants to the point of leaving them to drown?

DH and I have 2 DC.
1# girl at 31
2# boy at 33
Would have loved 4 DC but could only afford to privately educate 2 children and it was important to us to be able to do this

I never wanted them, I've often been told I will when I 'meet the right person' or that my biological clock will start.

I'm 55, post menopausal and not in a relationship so I don't think I'm going to change my mind.

We have 1, but always wanted at least 2, if not 3.

The reason: I had severe pre eclampsia during my pregnancy with DD, and she was born 13 weeks premature. We both almost lost our lives and we didn't feel we could take that risk again. There isn't a day goes by when I don't wish we'd been able to have more.

I have one and won't be having any more. I had a horrendous pregnancy that has left me with long term issues. There's too big a risk of further damage if I had another one, plus I'd be more or less opting out of my DD's life for the duration of the pregnancy.