To ask why you have the number of children you have?

[TheGeoffLinton]

I keep hearing that we’re having too few children to maintain the population. It seems to be a problem in a few countries in the West now. Often practical reasons are cited - having children later due to expensive childcare and not being able to get on the housing ladder means having fewer children. Sometimes they have a bit of a weird tone, like women and families aren’t doing their duty, does anyone else feel that?

You see suggested solutions like you could get a payment if you had more than 2 children? Would that be an incentive or would you find that weird?! Do you think subsidised childcare would be a better idea?

Personally I have no children, I’ve just never felt broody or maternal. I’d just be interested in what women actually think about this, not just the stats presented - if you have kids would you have more if you could afford it or would you always have stopped at 1 or 2?

I know this is the most journalist-sounding post but I really am just curious. I also appreciate there will be lots who can’t have any at all

I’ve got 2. I thought I might want 3 (I’m a happy one of 3). But I suddenly realised how lucky I was to have 2 healthy kids and didn’t want to risk it again. I was also then a surrogate for a friend and that totally cemented that I DID NOT want another child of my own!!!
Perhaps I’ve hedged my bets by having only 2 with my DH but adding one more child to the world….

I have one.

Would have loved 3 but was never able to get pregnant again. It brought my marriage to the absolute brink when we were trying (for several years) so called it a day 🥺
I think about it every single day.

Only got one. She was 18 months odd when covid hit and I realised I didn't cope very well with a small child along with not being able to go out and meet other people etc. Also her dad isn't particularly hands on so I didn't want to do everything for two.
Cost implications as well, so we're sticking at one

Every word of this! Plus I find it hard enough to split my time, attention and mental/emotional resources between the two that I have. (I suspect DC1 has ASD and I do feel that they are both hard work, although all young children are hard work to a greater or lesser extent.)

Have two. Really deliberated whether to have more than one because DC1 was incredibly hard work as a baby/toddler and both DH and I found our mental health suffered. We are glad we have two but would absolutely not have any more as would never do the sleepless nights/toddler phase again, however cute they are. DH and I are both also really introverted and just want to be left alone a lot of the time. The idea of a busy houseful of kids is horrifying.

Always wanted 2, but now that I have 2, I daydream about having a third. We’ve decided against it tho because of finances. I regret our decision already but know deep down it’s better in the long run for DC

3, none were planned. Sterilized at 28.

I had 5, and would have very much wanted 6, however after 3 c/sections it was recommended I didn't have any more.

I have 1 and unsure if I’d have another. Things that massively put me off: pregnancy nausea/sickness (I have emetephobia and I hated every second of the first 20 weeks of pregnancy).. post natal depression.. lack of sleep (I’m yet to have a full nights sleep in 1 year and 9 months). Oh and terrible twos that actually started at 1.. and nursery fees.. if we could erase allll of those I’d have another witho hesitation.

We have two, but my husband already had two with previous wife so 4 to care and pay for in essence, albeit not full time for the first two who are now young adults. If me and my husband had met 5 years earlier we would have gone in for a third. So yeah we stopped at 2 based largely on our age, although money and space were secondary considerations.

I have 2. My second birth I haemorrhaged just under 8 litres & ended up on a ventilator in ICU. I was very lucky that doctors were able to perform an emergency hysterectomy to save my life. Im grateful to be around to parent the two I have.

I have 2 living children (dd1 died as a baby), and hopefully next week will have another. I never imagined having 3. I would now love one more, but DH would divorce me! Since dd died, I have fallen more in love with being a mum. I love the busy house. I love the little people who call me mum. Yes I’m a bit soft!

3
I wanted more but early menopause in my 30’s put a stop to it. Time ran out for me but I have my 3 and I feel so lucky to have them. If I’d waited it’s very likely that I wouldn’t have had any.

We have two, ideally would like three. Second one nearly killed me so not doing it again, don’t want to leave my two motherless

I knew I was done at 2. Thought I would have 3, but no!

I have 3. I was really broody before each pregnancy.

After baby number 3 I never ever felt broody again and so for me that was the right number of children.

I only have one sibling so having more than 2 never seemed like an option. I’ll probably stop at the one due to my age, financial reasons and I really struggled mentally in the first trimester.

I have one. Absolutely hated being pregnant, had a dreadful birth and appalling after care in hospital, and to be totally honest I don’t have a maternal bone in my body. Ex-DH wanted kids far more than me then turned out to be bloody useless when the time came.

2, DD1 was planned, DD2 was a complete suprise (I always wanted two but I wouldn't have planned it at that point). If I could, i'd love to have maybe 1 more but finances wouldn't allow us to have anymore and my mental health took an absolute battering when I was PG with DD2 due to a tonne of complications and constant appointments and scans, I'd be terrified of having another PG like that

We have one because we couldn’t afford nursery for another.

I always pictured a boy followed by a girl growing up and I have them both and feel so lucky for them.

I've never had the 'complete' feeling though and we debated trying for another but I agree that even with two it's sometimes tricky giving them both the attention they deserve, and that coupled with the worry of how they'll get on the housing ladder and cope financially in the future made us stop so we can hopefully help them when they need it.

I often feel guilty bringing these beautiful children into this world.

💐for all those struggling.

I have 3.

We always planned two. We had dd then I had twins 🤦🏽‍♀️. It was a huge shock tbh and took some time to get my head around it. Wouldn’t change it though.

For me, I didn't want my kids having different dads. Luckily, the man who raised them (I kicked bio dad out when I was pregnant with child #2) is happy and sees them as his kids anyway. Bio dad has never been around so it's worked out well.

plus 2 MMC and an abortion 20 years before meant 5 pregnancies for 2 DC was more than enough !

I have 2, both planned.

First one was probably more of a "shall we have a baby" I was adamant he was going to be the only one but around about the age of 14 months I felt a whole load of broodiness I had never felt before.

A few months later we agreed to have another and so we did, 2 boys with a 2 year age gap.

The longing to have another vanished, I still felt a bit broody to an extent but more can we go back in time..

3 children I couldn't cope with. We would have to upgrade cars, suddenly find space for an extra person and whilst doable it's not ideal. Extra mouth to feed, less luxuries.

All of the disadvantages were because I didn't want another child bad enough to uproot everything. Had we had no children or even just one child we could be living a lot more luxurious life than we are now but the desire to have kids overuled the material stuff. Plus I just can't mentally deal with another, I'm not a natural parent and I do find it incredibly hard, I can only imagine the strain another would put on me.

Pre kids I always had 1 or 2 in my mind but always considered a big family because of the happy family scenes you see. After the first one I realised pretty quickly I was in no way cut out for a hoarde of kids.