To ask why you have the number of children you have?

[TheGeoffLinton]

I keep hearing that we’re having too few children to maintain the population. It seems to be a problem in a few countries in the West now. Often practical reasons are cited - having children later due to expensive childcare and not being able to get on the housing ladder means having fewer children. Sometimes they have a bit of a weird tone, like women and families aren’t doing their duty, does anyone else feel that?

You see suggested solutions like you could get a payment if you had more than 2 children? Would that be an incentive or would you find that weird?! Do you think subsidised childcare would be a better idea?

Personally I have no children, I’ve just never felt broody or maternal. I’d just be interested in what women actually think about this, not just the stats presented - if you have kids would you have more if you could afford it or would you always have stopped at 1 or 2?

I know this is the most journalist-sounding post but I really am just curious. I also appreciate there will be lots who can’t have any at all

I have 2 and would like 3.

We need to buy a house first and also I had hyperemisis with DS2 so would need some extra savings in case I spend month on sick leave again.

I had a mental "DC3 cut-off age" of 36 but I have revised it up to 38. We'll see! If I end up with just the 2 I'll still consider myself lucky.

1 due to deciding quite late in our relationship to have DC, my mental health and environmental reasons.

DH is an actuary, so is well aware of population decline etc but we didn’t feel we have a “duty” to contribute.

I have 1, never felt the urge for another but even if I did, probably wouldn't be able to afford it due to the cost of childcare.
We also don't have any family to help and I do think the lack of that has made it really difficult. We've only had 3 nights out alone in nearly 7 years!

I have 2.
I would love a third but I had damage from the birth of DC2 and I don’t want to make it worse.

Also money is a consideration. Children are stupidly expensive!

I have one living child. Like many on this thread, I have several more pregnancies I couldn’t carry to term. Some of the losses were life threatening for me, including a molar pregnancy and Charing Cross treatment slog.

We wanted more. After the last loss and the subsequent three surgeries and over 10 days in hospital, my husband begged me not to try again. I respect him and we didn’t. I am coming to terms with it- 1 is wonderful and I read repeatedly on here about all these people whose kids fight, how hard it is, how they struggle to go out alone with their kids, plus the risk of significant disabilities which wild have an impact on our first child’s life as well as mine/DHs….. it’s made me not want to roll the dice again either.

I have pangs, I cry at night for the children that didn’t make it, I cry for what I wish I had. I feel angry when I read in here about “giving children siblings”, how lonely onlies can be. I rage when I think about the school
parent WhatsApp debate where one mother falsely accused my child of bullying hers and a second mother chimed in that it was probably “because C is an only child and understandably jealous of those with siblings”.

my husband had to stop me from screaming at them. If that woman is on mumsnet, I hope you know what you did.

I have 1. We tried to have a second but I had two miscarriages and then DH had an accident which resulted in life changing injury which put the brakes on everything. I am mid-40s now so I don't really think it's on the table. When I was younger I wanted three and an envious of my friends with three kids! I adore DD though and know I'm very lucky to have her.

I have one baby, I will try for one more in the next year but if I can only have one then that's okay too. I probably would have liked 3 if I didn't wait until I was 34 to get started.

I didn't know number two would be the last before I had her, but after cholestasis, a severe pph requiring several days in HDU, and an adorable but extremely high maintenance baby, I didn't really fancy it a third time. 😂