To ask for DDs bikini back?

[WhoIBU]

Last weekend we got the big pool out in our joint section of garden and filled it for the kids who use it.

Neighbours daughter who is 2 years older than my DD asked me if she could borrow a swimming costume.

She's quite a bit bigger and taller than DD so my only option was to lend her a new bikini I'd bought for holiday. Which my DD has only worn once and is from a decent shop.

I just assumed hers was in the was probably something.

It's now a week later and neighbours child still in my DDs bikini today in the pool.

I feel awkward asking for it back but angry really as I shouldn't be the one feeling awkward.

It's a light colour and I feel like it's now gone from being new to my DD going on holiday with a "used" bikini. Which may well be stretched too.

Should I just write it off as a lesson learned or shall I ask for it back?

Sexist? It’s life unfortunately. I’d like to say idiot too, but thought that was rude of me 🙄
My husband doesn’t know whose clothes are whose in our house, and forgets his own, most of the time

Glad you got it sorted.

I've just remembered a similar situation we had when DD was younger. He BF often came to stay, rarely with enough clothes & often ended up borrowing from DD & going home in DDs stuff, I knew the mum well, so always expected the clothes would just come back via her. But a few times they didn't & it was getting a bit awkward when it got to 3 of DDs favourite items not returning.

When I spoke to the mum, it turned out her daughter was telling her we'd given her these 3 favourite items, as she loved them too & wanted to keep them!

Well done OP, you did the right thing. It was absolutely reasonable to be annoyed about the situation, but not worth losing friends and creating bad feeling over something that is quite trivial and could potentially have been a misunderstanding. Sanity prevails!

I would have done the same as you OP. It was a kind thing to do. We have great neighbours here and and often borrow things from each other. Pasta and tins of chopped tomatoes were doing the rounds at the start of lockdown. I would probably just let her keep the bikini but there’s not a problem with asking for it back either. I would notice if my kids came home in something that didn’t belong to them but Dh wouldn’t have a clue or she may have said you gave her it.

Neighbour has already text to reply saying of course we can have it back and they'd like to get my daughter a treat to say thank you for the lend.

So you did ask for it back?

Why all the hand wringing then?

A load of fuss over nothing.

I wouldn't be bothered if she kept it, kids spending summer together stuff gets mixed up and lost. It's not expensive or cherished. I would remember now that this family doesn't remember to return things though. I'd also wonder if my dd told the other girl to keep it if she liked that they had matching ones.

This is what I was thinking. I've bought second hand underwear when I've been poor and no harm has come to me!
I was hoping more people were coming round to buying second hand. We had a lot of hand-me-downs as children in the seventies, including swimwear and underwear, and no one batted an eyelid.

When being generous, you should be generous with your own property, not someone else's.

I fail to see what's so mean and horrible about wanting something back that was loaned out.

Ewww.... Who on earth 'borrows' a bikini?

I wouldnt want it back and you should not be teaching your child to settle for a second had crotch.

Is this like the same scruffy people who sell used bikinis on Ebay (not even as a fetish thing but they actually expect other women to buy something their fanny has rubbed all over).

Bikinis/swim wear is the same catagory as underwear and sex toys, they are not something you swap and share.

I would ask the other parents when they where going to pay for the bikini though.

90% of my stuff is vintage or second hand but not bloody underwear... if theres ANYTHING you buy new its that.

Thats just nasty.

There's no mention of ages in OP's posts?

I’m thinking that mum hasn’t seen it b

OP my daughter is the same age as yours and her dad would have to open every drawer in her room to find whatever item he was looking for. As he doesn't get involved with her clothes or laundry. Not sexist at all.

Same man can't find anything in any part of the house tbh even if given detailed instructions on where something is located. That's another story for another thread 🤣

Glad you are sorted now though. It would have played on my mind too for what it's worth!

I text this morning.

She replied quite fast.

Have since knocked on the door with a little bit of a sheepish looking child handing it back.

Hi Neighbour. Can I have DD's bikini back as I need to wash it before we pack for our holiday. Thanks.

Go knock for it now. Don't let it drag on.

Knock and say "Hi neighbour, I'm just doing a clothes wash before we go off on our holidays and I remembered that last X day we loaned your DD a bikini that was for our DD when they were all in the pool. We'd like it back now please? / Can we have it back now please?"

Then bung it in your washing machine with a few towels and bits and bobs and you're grand.

I meant to type at the end there (and this goes for loaning gardening equipment to a couple of eggs to clothes and money and everything in between) and it applies to many many MNetters out there:

DON'T LOAN OUT WHAT YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT!

Glad you got it back @WhoIBU . Is the bikini ok, or a bit stretched? The bikini is back folks CANCEL THE CHEQUE.

She might have assumed she could keep it. It's not a thing I would lend out though. A pair of shorts and t-shirt would have been fine.

Sorry @SpongeBobJudgeyPants - I swore that I'd never fall into the trap of not reading a full thread but in fairness I missed that sentence in the long post that the OP had (I did speed read it and just missed that line).

Delighted you got it back @WhoIBU . Enjoy your holiday.

Eek. That's so sexist. - not when it would be true in 99% of households.

I'd get this thread deleted OP before your neighbour reads it

Seriously??? What is the likelihood of that happening?

I haven't the foggiest if my neighbours are on MN but the chances are slim. I'd say the same for @WhoIBU .

I've hardly insulted my neighbours.

They're decent people (as the thread outcome proves) it was me being the confused one.

It's no crime that our kids aren't best buddies and I don't expect them to be. Living next to one another doesn't make you instant friends their different types of kids.

But at 1am I was feeling shitty at myself for letting a nice bikini get used in a somewhat grotty garden pool. And kind of mad that it was my DDs nice bikini.

---

I'm neurodivergent and struggle a lot with what's acceptable and what isn't and was trying to gauge what the next course of action was.

It literally kept me awake last night. Hence the thread.

It's been easily resolved and i guess I'll never really know the story but I did learn to lend with firmer boundaries and that also a lot of people don't see kindness the same as me.

Luckily I was totally able to laugh off the accusations that I'm sexist.

To my neighbours - If you're reading this then:

"Hi!! You know I think you're the perfect neighbours - as we do frequently say - and I hope this whole bikini situation hasn't caused awkwardness I'm awkward enough already!"

Go ask for your clothes back & think hard before lending them anything again!