To ask for DDs bikini back?

[WhoIBU]

Last weekend we got the big pool out in our joint section of garden and filled it for the kids who use it.

Neighbours daughter who is 2 years older than my DD asked me if she could borrow a swimming costume.

She's quite a bit bigger and taller than DD so my only option was to lend her a new bikini I'd bought for holiday. Which my DD has only worn once and is from a decent shop.

I just assumed hers was in the was probably something.

It's now a week later and neighbours child still in my DDs bikini today in the pool.

I feel awkward asking for it back but angry really as I shouldn't be the one feeling awkward.

It's a light colour and I feel like it's now gone from being new to my DD going on holiday with a "used" bikini. Which may well be stretched too.

Should I just write it off as a lesson learned or shall I ask for it back?

Ask for it back. Nothing else to add as it’s all been said

Just say you're glad their dd likes her new costume and they owe you £x as it was a new one you've had to replace it.

what @bellabasset said is spot on, you ideally want the £ so you can buy your DD a new one ...lesson learnt never loan new stuff !

YABU. Let the girl have the bikini. Fuck it, give her all your daughter’s clothes.

seriously how is this even in AIBU.

No, never !!

Ask for it back.

Ask for money to replace?

Wow lots to catch up on.

It seems less of a drama now than it did at 1am but to answer a few questions.

• DD is 9. Neighbour is almost 11.

• The pool belongs to another neighbour (the friend of the neighbour's family) but I filled it. We have a section of communal lawn that 6 houses share.

• I'm not young. I wish. Just trying to be neighbourly and let all the kids have a nice time. They are a nice family and we lend each other stuff.

• I have no concerns over their hygiene or the effectiveness of my washing machine. I just think it's because I wouldn't dream of repeatedly using something I'd borrowed.

• My DD isn't fussed about the bikini. Hasn't even mentioned it. It was a set of 2 which kind of match and she loved the idea of them wearing similar. I never lend anything I know she cares about out without checking with her first. And have no issues explaining to children that something is important to her and so she wants to keep it for herself.

I'm second guessing last week's exchange, maybe they think I gave it to them. But it was definitely a borrow. Who asks for clothes to keep?

Just have to put it down to experience. But I've text and asked for it back.

In the light of day a £12 bikini isn't worth bad feeling. Just was the thing that my PMS kept me awake stressing about last night.

“Her mum was at work that day so I just sort of figured the dad didn't know where the swimwear was or something.”

What is this misogynistic crap?!!!!
You think dad doesn’t know where swimwear is. So instead of thinking:

• Silly me, what a stupid thing for me to think, of course he knows, a penis doesn’t stop you seeing clothes


• oh he can text his wife


• oh he can just go look


• oh he can tell his daughter to look

You think: that’s mum’s job 🙄 so I’ll step in and sort it as proxy-mum.

Ridiculous.

Why would it be stretched and off colour already if it’s from “a decent shop”? My daughter’s well work SHEIN pastel pink bikini still looks and stretches like new.

That aside… it’s frustrating to even read your post. Why are you letting these kids come over if they don’t let your child join in?
You’re not stopping this kid if you grow a back bone and reclaim the bikini - if she doesn’t have swimwear and parents can’t afford any, she can go in the pool in her bra and t shirt.

Honestly don't know how people get through a day. So many feeble, handwringing threads by people who can't use their voice. 😄

Erm yes charity shops do. The ones near me in London are filled with used swimwear

I would be the same as you OP. Hope you get it sorted. You’re not being sexist by saying you thought one parent might not know where swimming stuff is; people are jumping to conclusions very happily.

I’ve lent out many clothes or swimwear to mine it my my DDs friends.
It’s a kind thing to do.

It sounds like they may have misheard and either thought you were giving it to them or letting them borrow it for the duration.

If she doesn’t wear it in front of you then I’d casually ask mum if she’s still got it as you can’t find it.

If she does wear it in front of you then I’d just ask mum if you can have it back as you need it.

I came back to suggest that maybe these kids shouldn’t be encouraged to keep using your pool if they leave your dd out anyway. They’re obviously just using you for the pool as well as the bikini.

@Testina

Calm down. Jeez. RTFT.

Its a SHARED GARDEN and one of the neighbours pools. I think it's lovely that so many of the kids play together.

The girls are older than my DD and find her younger and irritating sometimes. Which upsets my DD but is just kids stuff. I'm not going to be a full bitch to a pair of children.

I know the family. They have a stressful life. My husband could very feasibly not know where to look for something like swimwear if it hadn't been used for a while. And he's incredibly capable and decent and hardworking within our family. The neighbour husband is similar but for all I know the laundry/clothes buying isn't one of his responsibilities.

I was just being NICE. Bloody hell I actually feel like this post has made me more inclined to show my daughter it's nice to be generous.

Neighbour has already text to reply saying of course we can have it back and they'd like to get my daughter a treat to say thank you for the lend.

So maybe a misunderstanding somewhere but I think that's a very sweet and decent way to reply.

Imagine if I'd have done some of the bitch replies on here? Some of you must have some bad neighbour relationships over quite trivial stuff.

Glad it has all worked out and hope you feel better !

Sorry, but is often one of the many self-inflicted, self created problems.

With me, I always put my immediate family and me first and will only lend something that I am prepared to lose.

Exactly this.

I would only have lent a swimming costume if it was old and spare and not needed. You gave probably given the impression it was spare whether you meant to or not. Loks like if you wamt it back you will need to ask for it.,

Well done OP for being really kind, it would have been a shame if one girl had to sit out - unfortunately no good deed goes unpunished! And if you weren't punished enough by not getting the cossie back then MN will make sure you're punished by telling you it's all your fault and that you're feeble and misogynistic! But it sounds like you've sorted it now so well done for that, have a great holiday (but don't mention it again or you'll be stealth boasting and/or not reading the room).

Lesson learned, you should not have given the new bikini belong to your daughter for her holiday. I imagine it will be to big for your daughter now

Sounds like something I'd do, because they're just kids, that want to play together in the pool. I'd ask for the costume back because

1. You need to wash it and pack away for the holiday.

2. Our child's costume feels too small, so needs to wear this bigger one now. Get her to wear it from now on, to stop the other child asking for it. The friend could go in the pool, just wearing her pants and vest.

Sorry just seen your update. Sounds like a lovely update. Well done for being kind, and dealing with it all so nicely. It's nice you're all civil and friendly with each other.

Neighbour has already text to reply saying of course we can have it back and they'd like to get my daughter a treat to say thank you for the lend.

They really said this?

I did RTFT. Your OP said it was a joint garden, but not that it wasn’t your pool. We cross posted on that. Nowhere did I suggest you shouldn’t be kind. My own daughter’s friends are in and out of her clothes and swimwear when they use our inflatable hot tub (hate on me, MN 🤣). There’s nothing wrong with lending out the bikini. But it’s silly to not just ask for it back.

I stand by my comment that it’s ridiculous and misogynistic to think “oh dad just doesn’t know where the swimwear is”. Even if he doesn’t do the laundry in a perfectly fair division of labour, his penis doesn’t stop him looking through drawers.

I am absolutely certain that if mum was in and dad out, you wouldn’t have thought, “oh I’ll get a bikini for friend, mum’s home but it’s probably dad who does laundry so mum won’t know.”