To ask for DDs bikini back?

[WhoIBU]

Last weekend we got the big pool out in our joint section of garden and filled it for the kids who use it.

Neighbours daughter who is 2 years older than my DD asked me if she could borrow a swimming costume.

She's quite a bit bigger and taller than DD so my only option was to lend her a new bikini I'd bought for holiday. Which my DD has only worn once and is from a decent shop.

I just assumed hers was in the was probably something.

It's now a week later and neighbours child still in my DDs bikini today in the pool.

I feel awkward asking for it back but angry really as I shouldn't be the one feeling awkward.

It's a light colour and I feel like it's now gone from being new to my DD going on holiday with a "used" bikini. Which may well be stretched too.

Should I just write it off as a lesson learned or shall I ask for it back?

Ask for it back of course!!! Casually say you're washing all the swimming stuff so can you please have the bikini too

I agree, you should definitely ask for it back, even if your daughter doesn't want to wear it any more, as it's the principle for me. However, also learn a lesson from it, never lend anything that's new/almost new, as it will always feel secondhand afterwards.

Ask for it back! It’s new and more importantly it belongs to you and don’t feel any guilt around it.

Thanks all.

See I know that I should just ask.

But when?

It's really weird to me that she doesn't have a costume and even now after a week neither parent has gone and bought one.

I feel like if I ask then I'm basically stopping her from swimming in the pool.

But equally she's much friendlier with another neighbour child who is older than her. Why not ask them for a swimsuit?

They both leave my DD out - and doing it while wearing her new clothes is has stressed me out enough to keep me awake!

Just knock on and ask for it back!

But equally she's much friendlier with another neighbour child who is older than her. Why not ask them for a swimsuit?

Because you're a massive soft touch! Get it back.

I feel like if I ask then I'm basically stopping her from swimming in the pool.

THAT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM!! I'm sorry, I'll stop shouting. Honestly it's up to her family if she can't go in the pool.

Any chance she's told her parents that you gave it to her?

Why was it more important for your neighbours daughter to have something to swim in than for your DD to keep her brand new property? I can’t understand why you decided to be responsible for your neighbour’s daughter’s wellbeing and have prioritised her feelings over your daughter’s. Why are you thinking neighbours daughter will have nothing to swim in? Until she has to, she’s obviously not going to go online and buy her own. But more importantly, why is it your problem? Just ask for it back and say you need to pack it for the holiday. And don’t give away other people’s stuff again, your daughter deserves to be respected and to see healthy boundaries.

Why on earth did you lend her. It's such a personal item and you were silly to have lent it. A simple sorry we don't have any would have been fine. I can't believe you lent it to her knowing she's 2 sizes bigger!

Honestly I'd reply the same to a post on here.

But when there's kids excited for a pool and one looks you in the face and asks for a costume what would you do? Deny them?

Her mum was at work that day so I just sort of figured the dad didn't know where the swimwear was or something.

Your only option was to say " we don't have anything that will fit!

Was the dad at the pool and saw his daughter in the borrowed costume? If not, I'd wonder if the parents even know she borrowed it. She may have genuinely forgot hers and didn't want to go home, or it was in the wash, or whatever - but now she's decided she likes your daughter's better. Also if she and her friend are routinely being mean to your daughter, this could be some strange kind of bullying? I'd ask the mother or father for the costume back; if it's awkward just say you bought it for your holiday and need to wash it before you go.

I would just write it off by now. It's basically underwear of your dd that you have lent which is also probably stretched. The child could have just worn a pair of shorts, I don't know why you made it your problem.

Just ask for it back!

I would ask for it back, write it off and buy DD a new costume - buy yourself 2 coffee less or something as it’s on you. And I would count it as lesson learned. I gave DD’s friend socks once - she continued wearing them but didn’t return. Socks are cheaper of course but they were nice socks with DD’s favourite character.
You wouldn’t get even a half sock from me nowadays.

Eek. That's so sexist

I suspect they asked you because they thought you would say yes. And you would be wimpy about not asking for it back.
Id have requested it back on day one tbh. Or not admitted to having a spare one. With the option of a pool available who arrives at summer without a swimming costume for their kids?

Gosh I’d just ask for it back. Hey x I need dds swimsuit back you will have to find Ellen her own.

That really is not an awkward thing to say! I certainly wouldn’t throw it out though, it’s been worn twice and it can be washed, please don’t treat that as used. If it bothers you, then every time your dd wears it, use that prickling annoyed feeling to think ‘reminder, must not be a doormat’

What the hell? No way that I’d be giving my children’s stuff to other random kids. Especially new bikinis for holiday. Get it back, right now and don’t give your kid’s stuff away again. How do you think your dd feels about it?

she could have gotten in the pool in undies or a short set. no you don't lend out intimate apparel.

Yes, because that’s definitely the issue here

Would you have let her borrow your daughter's new pants and then want her to wear them again? Let alone the fact you didn't have a swimsuit to lend to her because you knew it was the wrong size. I'm a people pleaser but there's not a chance in hell I'd lend anyone my underwear (which it basically is) then wear it afterwards.

Never lend anything that you don’t want to lose. That includes money and bikinis.

You owe it to your daughter to get it back.

If you don’t you’re setting a bad example to her.

You have nothing to loose, she’s not really friendly with your daughter.

my only option was to lend her a new bikini

come on OP you know this isn’t true. It was NOT your only option!

also how old is she and did she specifically use the word “borrow” when she asked?