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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for DDs bikini back?

204 replies

WhoIBU · 24/07/2022 00:58

Last weekend we got the big pool out in our joint section of garden and filled it for the kids who use it.

Neighbours daughter who is 2 years older than my DD asked me if she could borrow a swimming costume.

She's quite a bit bigger and taller than DD so my only option was to lend her a new bikini I'd bought for holiday. Which my DD has only worn once and is from a decent shop.

I just assumed hers was in the was probably something.

It's now a week later and neighbours child still in my DDs bikini today in the pool.

I feel awkward asking for it back but angry really as I shouldn't be the one feeling awkward.

It's a light colour and I feel like it's now gone from being new to my DD going on holiday with a "used" bikini. Which may well be stretched too.

Should I just write it off as a lesson learned or shall I ask for it back?

OP posts:
RockinHorseShit · 24/07/2022 08:08

WTAF. Why are you even asking, get your arse over there & get your DDs swim suit back now

PatchworkElmer · 24/07/2022 08:09

I’d definitely ask for it back. Maybe just knock and say you’re putting a wash on for holiday and need it. I’d add that of course, if she wants to keep it having worn it from new for a week, they can give you £xyz so that you can buy DD a new one.

I’d take your DD to choose a new one regardless tbh. Bless her.

LampLighter414 · 24/07/2022 08:09

Ask for it back from her for laundry. If she doesn’t return it. Knock and ask one of the parents - say you need it for your upcoming holiday.

If any child asks a similar request for anything in the future your first response to tell them to ask their parents. It is not your concern. She probably has a costume in her drawer in her room. Or if she didn’t own one she’d moan to her parents and low and behold one would turn up the next day after they’d stopped by the supermarket or primark or somewhere. Really not your concern to be dressing or lending to other peoples kids. Doormat behaviour. Bet the dad loves you entertaining his child all day whilst he puts his feet up

Emotionalsupportviper · 24/07/2022 08:10

Discovereads · 24/07/2022 07:51

And wasteful. Oh instead of making this bikini a gift (which it should have been from the start), I’m going to ask for it back and bin it.

Bit like when a DC friend comes for a sleepover and forgets their toothbrush. I just give them one as we get packs of 20 bamboo toothbrushes at a time and tell them, here you can have this. I don’t say “I want my toothbrush back so I can bin it”

Show quote history

There's a huge difference between a cheap toothbrush (I, too, buy these to have in in case people stay unexpectedly, or when the kids were young in case their friends had forgotten a toothbrush), and a loaned, expensive bikini.

Why should it have "been a gift from the start"? It was bought for OP's DD - she was looking forward to wearing it for the first time on holiday. Children do look forward to things like this.

The "friend"" knew very well it was a loan, but has deliberately kept it. And may be being deliberately provocative about wearing it if she has a history of bullying and leaving out the DD.

Letting people get away with tricks like this just emboldens them to be even cheekier the next time.

Tiani4 · 24/07/2022 08:12

I'd never have leant my DDs brand new bikini bought for her holiday to someone else! You need to get some boundaries here about your DCs stuff

Go knock and get it back
Say I learnt it for one day but it was brand new and it's still not been returned
If they don't want to return it then ask the parents for the money to buy a new one for DD

Next time remember your are not everyone's parent , the NDNs DCs have their own parents and DCs can go into a paddling pool in shorts and vest and be perfectly fine !

Festoonlights · 24/07/2022 08:13

I wouldn’t have offered my dds new holiday bikini in the first place, but I would most definitely be asking the parents for it back so I could wash it nicely ready for my holiday.

PuffinMcStuffin · 24/07/2022 08:14

How old are the children involved?

Festoonlights · 24/07/2022 08:17

I think the little girl loves the bikini and is hoping to keep it. Her mother should not be facilitating this, she should have already washed it, returned it with a thank you. CF family op. You shouldn’t need to ask for it back at all, but now you will need to.

diddl · 24/07/2022 08:17

So if the bikini fits your daughter & she has used it-why would you lend it to someone bigger?

Just ask for it back!

hareandrabbit · 24/07/2022 08:19

Wonder if, because it was new (with tags?), the girl thought you were giving it to her? Maybe just a misunderstanding.

I wouldn't ask for it back, but can understand if you would want to.

jumpingjackonthelash · 24/07/2022 08:23

help your daughter make new friends!

get the bikini back. If it’s sullied for your daughter consider buying a new one. Don’t be a pushover - or your daughter will learn to be a pushover.

NanaNelly · 24/07/2022 08:24

Fraaahnces · 24/07/2022 07:09

Or the kid has her own swimsuit, but just prefers your DD’s because it’s new. I bet the parents have no idea that she has it.

I suspect they don’t know she has it.

Roselilly36 · 24/07/2022 08:32

I wouldn’t have lent it at all if it was new and specifically bought for a holiday. If I was in your shoes, and I wanted it back, I would definitely ask.

ElephantePicante · 24/07/2022 08:34

How are you supposed to teach your DD to speak up and be assertive if you are fannying about panicking about asking for a bikini back? Honestly the stuff people get worked up about.

HikingforScenery · 24/07/2022 08:37

NanaNelly · 24/07/2022 08:24

I suspect they don’t know she has it.

Show quote history

So they’ve not seen it in the wash? Seen it hung out to dry? A bikini is a very distinct item, not like a T-shirt.

I doubt they’ve not seen it

Stormyseasallround · 24/07/2022 08:37

I just can’t understand the amount of people who are aghast at wearing a bikini someone else has had on. Unless your vagina secretes sulphuric acid, there’s absolutely nothing unhygienic about wearing it after someone else, provided it’s been in the wash. No wonder we have overflowing landfill sites when people are so silly about things like this.

Cailin66 · 24/07/2022 08:37

WhoIBU · 24/07/2022 01:34

Honestly I'd reply the same to a post on here.

But when there's kids excited for a pool and one looks you in the face and asks for a costume what would you do? Deny them?

Her mum was at work that day so I just sort of figured the dad didn't know where the swimwear was or something.

Show quote history

You were kind, it was a very nice thing to do. But your kindness has been abused. Not by the child though. It's also possible the dad had no idea about his daughter asking and may have thought it was her bikini. And it's also possible the mum thinks the dad bought it.

WhiskerPatrol · 24/07/2022 08:37

No wonder there are so many sad doormats and people-pleasers on here when this is how we raise our girls. What message are you giving your DD by your actions? Go and knock at the neighbours' door now (before their DD puts the bikini back on for another day in the pool) and say you're sorting your holiday packing and need the bikini back please.

By the way, it is actually possible for dads to know where their children's swimming things are.

MsTSwift · 24/07/2022 08:39

You need to hit peri menopause then you would be over there like a shot. Sooo liberating when those nicey nicey people pleasing hormones drain away.

ilovebrie8 · 24/07/2022 08:44

Go get it, get round there and ask it back. I would not have loaned it in the first place as it was new for holidays nope no way. As another poster said wait to you hit menopause you won’t faff about asking opinions you’d have had it retrieved the next day! Go OP!!

pinkyredrose · 24/07/2022 08:44

MsTSwift · 24/07/2022 08:39

You need to hit peri menopause then you would be over there like a shot. Sooo liberating when those nicey nicey people pleasing hormones drain away.

Ha! Yup!

But when there's kids excited for a pool and one looks you in the face and asks for a costume what would you do? Deny them?

Tell them to wear underwear.

TolkiensFallow · 24/07/2022 08:46

I imagine the girl who has borrowed it is actually oblivious to the fact she’s taken the piss. She asked if she could borrow a bikini and you lent her one, seemingly without saying “but only for today” so she’s carried on wearing it. Kids don’t have the same sense of etiquette as adults.

It also sounds like it was the girl who asked to borrow it, not the parents so the parents may not have been told it was a loan and may think it was spare.

I think you just need to knock on the parents door and say “hi can I have dd’s swimwear back please as it wasn’t a gift, it was only meant to be borrowed for a day and it’s been a week. We are going on holiday and need it”…

or if you have their number you could text and say “hi your dd borrowed a swimming costume for a day and has kept it a week, if she wants to keep it please can you pay me the £££ it cost as it was new and I will need to buy something else for our holiday”

If they give it back in bad condition then you need to say you won’t be lending them anything further in future.

TarpaulinEyes · 24/07/2022 08:46

Emotionalsupportviper · 24/07/2022 08:04

Because I doubt that my daughter would want a worn, possibly stretched bikini that her "friend" had been using, and I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford to buy her a new one - I'm aware some people aren't). As far as I'm concerned if my DD was looking forward to new clothes for her holidays, that's what she'd get

I would only want it back after this carry-on so that that other girl didn't get away with what is effectively theft.

But if it upsets you my putting it in the bin, I'll stick it in a charity bag.

Show quote history

I wouldn't throw the bikini away. I would use it as a floor cloth, useful and really the only thing it would be fit for now

starrynight21 · 24/07/2022 08:50

Her mum was at work that day so I just sort of figured the dad didn't know where the swimwear was or something

So Dad was actually at home, but you assumed that he wouldn't know where his own kid's swimsuit was ? Please ! All you had to do was to say " why don't you ask your Dad to get your swimsuit, Lucy ? " or if he wasn't around, "Lucy, you can swim in your underwear". Easy.

RealBecca · 24/07/2022 08:52

If its going on the bin, which is ridiculous, let her keep it and consider it a lesson to yourself not to led out brand new things. Shes a child and hasnt learnt yet. Parents may be getting one in a few weeks because, really, who thinks someone is going to lend out a brand new swimsuit?! Yoh only lend what you can afford to lose, so older stuff or stuff that doesn't fit.