To ask for DDs bikini back?

[WhoIBU]

Last weekend we got the big pool out in our joint section of garden and filled it for the kids who use it.

Neighbours daughter who is 2 years older than my DD asked me if she could borrow a swimming costume.

She's quite a bit bigger and taller than DD so my only option was to lend her a new bikini I'd bought for holiday. Which my DD has only worn once and is from a decent shop.

I just assumed hers was in the was probably something.

It's now a week later and neighbours child still in my DDs bikini today in the pool.

I feel awkward asking for it back but angry really as I shouldn't be the one feeling awkward.

It's a light colour and I feel like it's now gone from being new to my DD going on holiday with a "used" bikini. Which may well be stretched too.

Should I just write it off as a lesson learned or shall I ask for it back?

Op how old is the child? Does her mum or Dad know you let her borrow the bikini?

OP you are not a doormat you are a nice person, unfortunately others are not so nice. Just ask for it back as you are packing for your holiday and need it.

And for those do eager to jump in with the put downs rtft. She didn't say how old the child was and she said it was a fairly expensive bikini from a good shop..

And most children understand and use the word borrow.

Jesus what has happened to kindness, What a self centred lot we have become.

I don’t know why you’d want it back? Would you lend knickers to a neighbour and want them back? I know I wouldn’t want my daughters privates where someone else’s privates have been.

For a child in need, I would have been giving them the bikini too. I don’t really think you should lend swim wear as it’s kind of gross really. Like sharing knickers or lingerie. 🤮

So I agree with the poster that said write it off. It’s definitely been stretched out anyway as this child is two sizes bigger than your DD.

Personally I'd not ask for it back because I'd be a bit urgh about something so personal worn by someone else. It's not new anymore. I'd get DD another for her holiday and use it as a.lesson to never lend her anything again. She is dedinitely a CF though..

What hygiene issues?

The same one that countless others have also mentioned.

Do keep up.

If they leave your daughter out and don’t play with her then why have you asked them over in the first place?

Or the kid has her own swimsuit, but just prefers your DD’s because it’s new. I bet the parents have no idea that she has it.

FFS, do none of you have washing machines? I don't think the OP will take them straight off neighbour's DD and put them on hers. Can't understand why everyone is being so weird about it.

Your AIBU is about whether you should ask for the bikini back, but there's really no question about that because you only loaned it out for one occasion. You didn't say "Oh here's a spare bikini of DD's, you can keep that one". You made it clear that it was a loan. Therefore you shouldn't feel awkward about asking for it back (although you will, I know I would). So go ask for it, saying you need it back.

I do wonder how your DD feels seeing her new bikini on someone else who is - putting it kindly - friendlier with the other kid than with yours. It's different when they're bosom buddies, you have that "No loss what you give to a friend" feeling, this feels different because the kind gesture is not making the other family any nicer back.

I also want to know how old the kids are and whether the girl's parents know that swimwear she's got is not theirs. I would be asking my child searching questions if a pair of swimmers turned up in our house that I didn't recognise and I'd return it promptly while expressing gratitude for your kindness too, strange that they haven't.

Ask for it back obviously and model some assertive behaviour your daughter who must be feeling a bit crap about it all

Then buy her a new one

There’s no way on earth I would give anybody else my daughters brand new clothing unless they were a close friend.

You did a kind thing and now it's time to ask for the bikini back. Try not to overthink - just ask for it back to wash and pack for holiday.

What age are these kids?

I remember my mum lending some stuff I loved to a neighbour child - because she get I could say no. It was stuff I got for a school trip that I was then too sick to go on.

my new travel bag can back all bashed and a few smaller items never came back. Thierry years later it still pisses me off😂.

i wouldn’t want to wear a bikini that a neighbour had worn for a week.

This! In spades.

TBH, spiteful cow that I am, I would ask for it back and then put it straight into the bin.

The other girl need to learn the difference between being given, and being lent - or indeed, borrowing and stealing.

Why would you hand out your DD's brand new and unworn stuff? Go buy your DD a replacement

Does the child come round to yours in the bikini? She doesn't come round wearing clothes over it?

You need to get it back on principle. I would also buy my daughter a new bikini. Letting the kid keep it is how people end up entitled CFs. They take the piss and those around them are too scared to say no.

Do this kid a favour. Show them they have to return what they borrow.

And work on why you, an adult, are struggling to tell a child to return something they borrowed.

I can't understand how parents don't notice borrowed clothes that aren't theirs. I know my kids' clothes and, if I saw something that wasn't theirs, I'd ask them where it came from, wash it and return it to the parents.

Don't get me started on clearly name-taped school uniform that people 'accidentally' keep.

Depends on the child’s circumstances to me, which might not be immediately apparent. I’d speak to her mum and say ‘she obviously really likes it but DD needs it for her holidays. I’m going into town next week - if you give me the money I’ll replace DDs and XX can keep it’.

If you think the family might be struggling and you can afford to, I’d just write it off It will have lost its shine for DD now anyway.

Why would you put it in the bin? So bizarre!

And wasteful. Oh instead of making this bikini a gift (which it should have been from the start), I’m going to ask for it back and bin it.

Bit like when a DC friend comes for a sleepover and forgets their toothbrush. I just give them one as we get packs of 20 bamboo toothbrushes at a time and tell them, here you can have this. I don’t say “I want my toothbrush back so I can bin it”

What would you do with it, especially if it’s been stretched

Because I doubt that my daughter would want a worn, possibly stretched bikini that her "friend" had been using, and I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford to buy her a new one - I'm aware some people aren't). As far as I'm concerned if my DD was looking forward to new clothes for her holidays, that's what she'd get

I would only want it back after this carry-on so that that other girl didn't get away with what is effectively theft.

But if it upsets you my putting it in the bin, I'll stick it in a charity bag.

Do you have the parents’ numbers? Just text them and say you need the bikini back. My money’s on them not even knowing she has it. It’s a nice new bikini and she’s going to wear it as long as she can get away with.

When I was a kid someone lent me their school PE skirt and I never gave it back, I wore it for PE every week that term (I can’t remember why I didn’t have one of my own). The girl I borrowed it off forgot she had lent it to me and thought she’d lost it, and we were both in trouble with our mums when they eventually found out 😳 In my head I think my logic was that if she didn’t ask for it back, then it was still ‘mine’ to borrow. Obviously totally wrong but I bet this girl feels the same!

Why wouldn't you ask for it back? Is this some uniquely British etiquette I don't understand? If someone borrows something from you, why wouldn't you ask for it back?

I'm confused.