Can i have a rant about my Ukrainian guest

[fakenamefornow]

Context, normal family home with teenage school children. Taken in mum and six year old, they're living in our spare bedroom (with ensuite) and living as part of the family. We didn't know them previously and they came directly from Ukraine to us. They're both lovely and generally easy to live with, been with us one month, no regrets. Just need a little anonymous rant to let off steam though.

Ukraine seems better than the UK in every way.

The food. She's a very good cook and makes lovely Ukrainian dinners for us. But British food is terrible, Ukrainian people would never eat so much processed food (she might have a point). They have processed food in Ukraine but only foreigners eat it. Ukrainians always cook fresh.

The health care. She's had three medical emergencies with her child since being here. First one, child had temperature of 38, (bouncing around playing looking in perfect health to me.) She was astonished that a doctor wouldn't immediately come to house to see child. Arranged GP appointment that afternoon (she doesn't drive, I had to take her) . Upset, angry and confused that antibiotics weren't given. She really just couldn't understand it at all. I Ukraine a doctor would have come to the house, day or night, and given medication, you treat small things immediately so they don't get big. Child had three days off school and spent the whole time running around playing.

Child had tiny abscess on gum, no pain or any other symptoms. This necessitated an immediate trip to the out of hours minor injuries unit (still appalled doctor wouldn't come to house). No treatment, told to ring 111 in the morning. I live in an NHS dentistry desert but because they've come from Ukraine a local dentist has taken them on as NHS patients. Had emergency dental appointment next day. Dentist said leave it alone, come back in two months time or if problem develops with it. Mum wanted minor surgery to remove/empty it and antibiotics. More anger and confusion. She can't believe how bad medical care is here (again, she might have a point). Anyway, more time off school for this.

Her appointment for biometrics was messed up (their fault not her's) and she missed the card delivery. So bureaucracy and postal service doesn't work here. She's applied for universal credit, no money yet though, and it seems ridiculous that she should go to the office every week. Nothing works well in this country. Even the streets are difficult to walk on because the pavement is uneven.

I know many Ukrainian have lost good lives to take children to safety and life probably was much better in Ukraine than it will ever be in UK. Hopefully this is temporary and they will be able to return. Her life in Ukraine, was living in a nice flat that was her mother's (mother dead, now hers) with her brother and her kid. She's divorced, kids dad not around, no contact for years. Worked as office manager (small company, not high flying) with good salary.

Really, she's lovely and very grateful.
I just need a little rant about a few things.

Wow, yes! She's probably forgotten about the war.

Though I'm sure the OP will ignore all the posters gleefully advising her to say nasty things to her guest, put her in her place, or threaten to send her and her child back to a warzone. She doesn't seem the type.

This .

Very interesting about the antibiotics. We have a Ukrainian family two doors down. Mum is a dr and when we were chatting this came up and she said she's been shocked to see antibiotics aren't routinely prescribed for a snotty nose. She said she was taught that they are needed, you won't get better etc. She now concedes this clearly isn't true but is shocked all the same.

That said she doesn't make comments about the UK. The antibiotic thing just came up in conversation. Her DC go to school with mine and she's been very impressed by our primary education system.

We're going away on holiday in a few weeks. I do worry that she'll have the ambulance out for some minor thing that I wouldn't have even noticed with my own children. Just because this is what she would have done in Ukraine. I have tried to explain that we don't give antibiotics easily here and that an ambulance is basically a mobile intensive care unit and only for absolutely dire emergencies.

I can see why you might need to rant but honestly, it really is better over there. Or was, before the war.

My mum is from the Continent so I’ve grown up with half of my family showing me how much better it is in a lot of other countries (healthcare wuality and access, obesity and physical activity rates, STI and teen pregnancy rates, drinking culture, bureaucracy timescales and complexity etc) . But then, it’s often worse in other ways, as well, which is conveniently forgotten when they’re smugly ‘shocked’.

However, their faces when I introduced them to the joys of the British rail ticketing system remains a priceless memory. “You mean that prices change depending on when you book it and the trains are often late or cancelled???!” 😂

She sounds like a lovely guest, despite the culture shock moans. I’m glad it’s working out in all the other ways.

Sounds like she's either very entitled or just plain ignorant (probably the latter).

most likely homesick & wants her old life back

Absolutely agree with this, doctor and dentist were absolutely right to let the child's immune system fight things off on it's own instead of resorting to antibiotics

Totally understandable that she misses the home comforts and things feel wrong here.

Totally understandable why you need to have a rant on here about that.

Have you talked about how we used to give antibiotics for everything and how doctors used to do home visits but now things have moved on (some for better and others not?). Might help to understand the differences.

I am going to go against the grain here and say she sounds bloody rude. Whatever the reason she is here, the constant superiority would be hard to be around. I have lived in other countries, may have had thoughts like this but you don't say them out loud to the locals. It is just poor manners. Although culturally I think there is also a difference between what people find acceptable to say.

Please don't! "You might think the UK is shit but at least we're not being bombed to fuck" would be a grossly insensitive thing to say.

And anyway, she's got a point! Supermarkets crammed with processed food, ready meals etc. NHS dysfuntional, ambulances queuing outside hospitals for hours, maternity services a danger to women and babies, NHS dentistry RIP.

OP you've done something fantastic, I find having house guests difficult and you haven't mentioned wanting to do anything other than have a little rant anonymously here which I don't think is unreasonable. You don't need me (or anyone else) to ram down your throat the various reasons why your house guest is complaining, you seem like you're getting along well generally and as someone not in a position to be able to offer house space to someone, I think you're fantastic.

And England is pretty shit, so she has a point

No it's not and no she doesn't .

OP - what kind of meals does your guest cook?

The NHS sure isn’t perfect, but I’ve never seen any kind of objective healthcare ranking that puts Ukraine above the UK. So on this she’s either plain wrong or she is wealthy enough to access private healthcare in the Ukraine which may be “quicker”, particularly for minor issues (though not necessarily better).
And she’s wrong on the food too. Few people rate English food, but then I’ve never seen people get excited about food form that part of the world either.
Still well done for you for putting up with her whinging and providing them a safe and welcoming environment.

I appreciate it's hard to hear but the reality is that England is pretty shit. Yes, Ukraine is at war, though through no fault of their own, but no they won't understand why doctors don't just come out to see you when a kid is sick. Brits just got used to it. It's pretty terrible. It must grate to hear it but I just assume that she wasn't expecting it and keeps being surprised. After I moved back to the UK, having previously lived her, I spent a couple of years just being surprised at everyone at the state of the public sector.

I have lived in other countries, may have had thoughts like this but you don't say them out loud to the locals

Did you move to them to escape war?

@NameChangeLifeChange

dors she want to work here? Can she? What does she need to do, to get accepted in a job here?

it would be lovely if some of the Ukrainians were happy & settled here.

'The country' isn't hosting her because she fancied broadening her horizons. She's fled for hers and her child's life and is now in a place where she can't even get treatment she could get there during an actual war. She's allowed to be scared and frustrated and miss home.

OP you're doing amazingly. Hopefully once she starts getting some financial support or manages to find work she'll be able to settle a little more.

The OP has done a fantastic thing & is allowed to struggle with the situation.

Places like the Ukraine and mother's native Slavic country I think have a lot more qualified medical staff per head of population than we do, so the shortages here may make things seem pretty shocking to them.

Antibiotics is a bit of a cultural thing, as others have said, in the UK there is caution about overprescribing antibiotics due to creating resistant illnesses, but the message hasn't got to other places and it's just considered sensible practice.

I'm not Ukrainian but European and she's not wrong. Apart from the focus on antibiotics that's just old school and she should be given some reading material on antibiotic resistance.

The right to point out issues however seems to be reserved for British born citizens.

In my experience, the British public has long been lulled in a sense of superiority over other European countries that doesn't hold true but is hard to correct due to lack of language skills and generally a low interest in how other nations (healthcare, economy, politics, agriculture) work.
But point it out and you're told to "go back home" rather than taking input for improvement.

Ready to be tarred and feathered. :)

@fakenamefornow and you are not quite right about ambulances. Every ambulance in Ukraine comes with a doctor unlike in the UK. In the UK, an ambulance is often basically a vehicle to ensure you don't die on the way, in terms of proper diagnostics etc, its pretty bad. So just tell her that she won't get a doctor next time she calls one and she'll stop calling them.

@HellonHeels
Supermarkets crammed with processed food, ready meals etc
None of which you have to buy. For a relatively small island the UK has a huge selection of foods (including fresh) available to buy, grown locally or imported from around the world. I really dislike people being disparaging of other cultures food. It’s just really ignorant and ill-mannered, though of course I’d try to be understanding given the circumstances.

Of course she's very upset and angry to be displaced to an other country. But
she is still a guest in your home and shouldn't be so rude

Perhaps you could say something like " I wonder why you chose the UK?"

I don't think the UK is better than every other country. Some countries do things better than us. That's a fact many British people don't like to accept.

She seems ungrateful..I'm not being patriotic but we have a broken but fantastic nhs healthcare. As a dentist an abscess in the gum does not warrant antibiotics for the patients own welfare. I wondered how wonderful the universal credit and healthcare Ukraine would've been to political refugees. Will they all be getting house visits by their GP