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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can i have a rant about my Ukrainian guest

658 replies

fakenamefornow · 23/07/2022 19:50

Context, normal family home with teenage school children. Taken in mum and six year old, they're living in our spare bedroom (with ensuite) and living as part of the family. We didn't know them previously and they came directly from Ukraine to us. They're both lovely and generally easy to live with, been with us one month, no regrets. Just need a little anonymous rant to let off steam though.

Ukraine seems better than the UK in every way.

The food. She's a very good cook and makes lovely Ukrainian dinners for us. But British food is terrible, Ukrainian people would never eat so much processed food (she might have a point). They have processed food in Ukraine but only foreigners eat it. Ukrainians always cook fresh.

The health care. She's had three medical emergencies with her child since being here. First one, child had temperature of 38, (bouncing around playing looking in perfect health to me.) She was astonished that a doctor wouldn't immediately come to house to see child. Arranged GP appointment that afternoon (she doesn't drive, I had to take her) . Upset, angry and confused that antibiotics weren't given. She really just couldn't understand it at all. I Ukraine a doctor would have come to the house, day or night, and given medication, you treat small things immediately so they don't get big. Child had three days off school and spent the whole time running around playing.

Child had tiny abscess on gum, no pain or any other symptoms. This necessitated an immediate trip to the out of hours minor injuries unit (still appalled doctor wouldn't come to house). No treatment, told to ring 111 in the morning. I live in an NHS dentistry desert but because they've come from Ukraine a local dentist has taken them on as NHS patients. Had emergency dental appointment next day. Dentist said leave it alone, come back in two months time or if problem develops with it. Mum wanted minor surgery to remove/empty it and antibiotics. More anger and confusion. She can't believe how bad medical care is here (again, she might have a point). Anyway, more time off school for this.

Her appointment for biometrics was messed up (their fault not her's) and she missed the card delivery. So bureaucracy and postal service doesn't work here. She's applied for universal credit, no money yet though, and it seems ridiculous that she should go to the office every week. Nothing works well in this country. Even the streets are difficult to walk on because the pavement is uneven.

I know many Ukrainian have lost good lives to take children to safety and life probably was much better in Ukraine than it will ever be in UK. Hopefully this is temporary and they will be able to return. Her life in Ukraine, was living in a nice flat that was her mother's (mother dead, now hers) with her brother and her kid. She's divorced, kids dad not around, no contact for years. Worked as office manager (small company, not high flying) with good salary.

Really, she's lovely and very grateful.
I just need a little rant about a few things.

OP posts:
fakenamefornow · 15/11/2022 10:14

Oh, and I've been an immigrant myself, you don't like to admit how shit your own country is, so I do get her wanting to 'big up' Ukraine, even though she says she has no intentions of ever going back.

OP posts:
fakenamefornow · 15/11/2022 10:17

Oh, and I've been an immigrant myself, you don't like to admit how shit your own country is, so I do get her wanting to 'big up' Ukraine, even though she says she has no intentions of ever going back.

OP posts:
fakenamefornow · 15/11/2022 10:21

Oh, and I've been an immigrant myself, you don't like to admit how shit your own country is, so I do get her wanting to 'big up' Ukraine, even though she says she has no intentions of ever going back.

OP posts:
Gumreduction · 15/11/2022 10:28

how long has she been with you?

if she’s planning on staying in UK forever, she will have to get a job eventually

Gumreduction · 15/11/2022 10:29

What was her job in Ukraine?

fakenamefornow · 15/11/2022 17:36

Gumreduction · 15/11/2022 10:28

how long has she been with you?

if she’s planning on staying in UK forever, she will have to get a job eventually

Nearly six months.
Her job in Ukraine wasn't anything special, office manager, small company, so managed about five people. She hasn't been to university but says she does have lots of diplomas (?)

Do you really shout at teachers and at the doctors?

OP posts:
Gumreduction · 15/11/2022 17:40

fakenamefornow · 15/11/2022 17:36

Nearly six months.
Her job in Ukraine wasn't anything special, office manager, small company, so managed about five people. She hasn't been to university but says she does have lots of diplomas (?)

Do you really shout at teachers and at the doctors?

I haven’t had a need thank goodness

but if I perceived a need to in relation to my child - then damn right I might raise my voice!

the way to speak of her - it’s really very clear you don’t think much of her. Hopefully for both your sake she will move on shortly. Well done for opening your home to her

PerceptionIsReality · 16/11/2022 16:13

I just came across this thread and had to laugh at it (sorry OP, definitely NOT laughing at you) because while I don't live in Ukraine and never have, I do live in Eastern Europe and much of what you write really resonates (in reverse)!

We are considered as quite neglectful parents because we don't drag our kids to the doctors for every minor ailment or offer meds at every cough. Every time my child is off school I have to go to the doctor to get an "apology note" - essentially a note certifying that they were sick and now better. I try not to be that immigrant but I have had a couple of discussions with the school about not wasting the doctors time, not exposing my children to other people's bugs at the doctor's surgery unnecessarily and that I really don't care if they mark the children as unauthorised absent if I don't send in a note... I am sure that I am super popular there 😀

That said - when we do want to see a doctor we do - the same day, every time without fail. We've usually been seen by a specialist the next day (dermatologist, ENT, physio etc) at worst. The service is absolutely no frills but actual health care is excellent. Prevention, screening etc - not so good (but there if you ask for it - you just have to be a bit pro-active about accessing it) albeit children again have check-ups every 6 months. The NHS is amazing but it relies on a lot of "heal thyself" and messaging around not relying on doctors etc for minor ailments. It's not what a lot of people elsewhere in the world are used to and compared to the amount of pride Brits have in the NHS it must be odd for foreigners to experience how hands-off it can be.

I am in awe of you however. It is amazing what you are doing and it must be very hard to have strangers in your home especially of a different culture.

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