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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can i have a rant about my Ukrainian guest

658 replies

fakenamefornow · 23/07/2022 19:50

Context, normal family home with teenage school children. Taken in mum and six year old, they're living in our spare bedroom (with ensuite) and living as part of the family. We didn't know them previously and they came directly from Ukraine to us. They're both lovely and generally easy to live with, been with us one month, no regrets. Just need a little anonymous rant to let off steam though.

Ukraine seems better than the UK in every way.

The food. She's a very good cook and makes lovely Ukrainian dinners for us. But British food is terrible, Ukrainian people would never eat so much processed food (she might have a point). They have processed food in Ukraine but only foreigners eat it. Ukrainians always cook fresh.

The health care. She's had three medical emergencies with her child since being here. First one, child had temperature of 38, (bouncing around playing looking in perfect health to me.) She was astonished that a doctor wouldn't immediately come to house to see child. Arranged GP appointment that afternoon (she doesn't drive, I had to take her) . Upset, angry and confused that antibiotics weren't given. She really just couldn't understand it at all. I Ukraine a doctor would have come to the house, day or night, and given medication, you treat small things immediately so they don't get big. Child had three days off school and spent the whole time running around playing.

Child had tiny abscess on gum, no pain or any other symptoms. This necessitated an immediate trip to the out of hours minor injuries unit (still appalled doctor wouldn't come to house). No treatment, told to ring 111 in the morning. I live in an NHS dentistry desert but because they've come from Ukraine a local dentist has taken them on as NHS patients. Had emergency dental appointment next day. Dentist said leave it alone, come back in two months time or if problem develops with it. Mum wanted minor surgery to remove/empty it and antibiotics. More anger and confusion. She can't believe how bad medical care is here (again, she might have a point). Anyway, more time off school for this.

Her appointment for biometrics was messed up (their fault not her's) and she missed the card delivery. So bureaucracy and postal service doesn't work here. She's applied for universal credit, no money yet though, and it seems ridiculous that she should go to the office every week. Nothing works well in this country. Even the streets are difficult to walk on because the pavement is uneven.

I know many Ukrainian have lost good lives to take children to safety and life probably was much better in Ukraine than it will ever be in UK. Hopefully this is temporary and they will be able to return. Her life in Ukraine, was living in a nice flat that was her mother's (mother dead, now hers) with her brother and her kid. She's divorced, kids dad not around, no contact for years. Worked as office manager (small company, not high flying) with good salary.

Really, she's lovely and very grateful.
I just need a little rant about a few things.

OP posts:
user1234560280 · 23/07/2022 20:06

Sounds like she's got culture shock. When I worked abroad I loved it at first then after a couple of months got irritated by EVERYTHING from the sound of the language to the gestures people used to the way people sit on the subway and the way that women carried their handbags. Don't even get me started on the food, weather and the font used on car number plates, which looked shit.

It was actually a very nice country and I constantly go on to my friends about how much better it is there than here...😆

CantaloupeMelon · 23/07/2022 20:06

Forestgate · 23/07/2022 20:02

How much did she have to pay her doctor to visit? Giving antibiotics for everything is NOT good healthcare

This! If they prescribe antibiotics for everything that's why we're getting the problem of antibiotic resistance!

I would find it annoying too OP.

MissyB1 · 23/07/2022 20:06

When I was a child the GP did come to your house. Processed food was not the norm either. Life has supposedly got better since then, but I sometimes wonder…

badhappening · 23/07/2022 20:07

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Connie2468 · 23/07/2022 20:07

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Why would you do that? So weird.

fakenamefornow · 23/07/2022 20:07

Forestgate · 23/07/2022 20:02

How much did she have to pay her doctor to visit? Giving antibiotics for everything is NOT good healthcare

I agree, dishing out loads of antibiotics is very bad care.

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 23/07/2022 20:07

There is probably a lot we can learn from Ukraine and Ukrainians. The ones I've met a lovely and so grateful. Amazingly courageous, amazing second language skills, very keen to find work and pursue further education. All that doesn't protect them from being homesick and yearning for their own routines.

messicliche · 23/07/2022 20:07

back in 2019 I was in Ukraine (Kyiv) for a while. Awful. Hated it. Food was all stodgy. Pavements uneven. Buildings derelict. Chocolate is awful (sorry rochen). One of the only European cities I’ve actively hated being in.

yet she loves it and feels that about here. It’s annoying but you have to just roll your eyes and accept we are different. Her life has changed forever

incognitodorrito · 23/07/2022 20:07

OP you are a better person than I could ever be.

Beautiful3 · 23/07/2022 20:08

We used to be given antibiotics every time we felt ill, by the gp/dentist. But they stop working if we take so many. It's best to save them for big illnesses, and let the body fight small illnesses off.

Thereisnolight · 23/07/2022 20:08

She’s homesick and wants to talk about home and is protective of it, as pps have said. They must be mortified having to be refugees relying on other people and msg feel they have to big themselves up a bit.
Annoying, sure, to be criticised when you have made such an upheaval in your own life and I don’t blame you for having a sneaky rant.

malificent7 · 23/07/2022 20:09

She is right though isn't she?! This country isn't paradise.

NameChangeLifeChange · 23/07/2022 20:09

My parents have taken in a Ukrainian family who are lovely- they struggle with some of the food but it’s swings and roundabouts- my parents cook from scratch but eat v ‘light’ (eg salmon and salad) where their guests eat heavier meals often meat and rice based.
They too struggling with the poor access to healthcare but it is awful especially at the moment to be fair.
However- they are already talking about how they want to move here, the schooling and quality of life is lovely, the people welcoming and generally quality of life is far higher. The woman was a hospital consultant in Ukraine and was apparently gobsmacked at the salary for that here compared to at ‘home’ (even when considering the higher cost of living).
All you can do is be gracious and don’t dwell. The UK isn’t perfect, Ukraine isn’t perfect. We lived in Sweden for a few years and shock horror even the utopia of the world isn’t perfect! We can and need to do better so acknowledge her worries and move on.

HailAdrian · 23/07/2022 20:09

This would probably irritate me but I'd also secretly agree with her really.

TheCanyon · 23/07/2022 20:10

Even the streets are difficult to walk on because the pavement is uneven.

she's really not wrong there. Our pavements are awful.

The point of fixing small things health wise had me nodding away like that bloody Churchill dog, if only huh?!

Georgeskitchen · 23/07/2022 20:12

Connie2468 · 23/07/2022 20:07

Why would you do that? So weird.

Because its true? Might make her realise that despite all her complaints, she and her child are not in imminent danger of death?

isadoradancing123 · 23/07/2022 20:12

I disagree, it may all be true, but she is rude and ungrateful, if its so good there tell her to go back

DenholmElliot1 · 23/07/2022 20:13

British food is way better than Ukrainian food. i went to Ukraine 4 years ago and everywhere we ate was like eating in an old Soviet factory canteen. Borcht and potatoes and really fatty meat.

They seemed to like it though

CuriousCatfish · 23/07/2022 20:14

She is allowed to love and miss her home country.

Ponderingwindow · 23/07/2022 20:14

Rant away.

that she is experiencing culture shock in a situation she had no desire to be in, is perfectly understandable. Especially having to give up her independence to live in someone else’s home and rely on benefits.

that you are feeling the strain of having a stranger in your home is completely understandable. Not just that, but a stranger whose life has been completely turned upside down. You are a much better person than most of us. I wouldn’t have the grace to last a day. If you need to vent your frustrations here so you don’t vent them inappropriately then I am happy to listen.

ancientgran · 23/07/2022 20:14

Forestgate · 23/07/2022 20:02

How much did she have to pay her doctor to visit? Giving antibiotics for everything is NOT good healthcare

I've worked with East Europeans, not Ukrainian, and they do seem to expect antibiotics for everything, I think we used to use them more than we do now but generally I think British people accept that antibiotic resistance is a real problem.

I do think a guest who is complaining can be hard work, I had with exSIL who was Australian and everything is Australia is just perfect. I really had to bite my tongue in the end because I just wanted to tell her to piss off back there. Obviously she didn't get the sympathy vote a Ukrainian will rightly be getting.

crowsfeet57 · 23/07/2022 20:14

OK so our food is rubbish and our healthcare is shite but on the other hand we're not being invaded by Russia.

I know where I'd rather be!

MiseryWIthAStent · 23/07/2022 20:15

Forestgate · 23/07/2022 20:02

How much did she have to pay her doctor to visit? Giving antibiotics for everything is NOT good healthcare

Indeed, a few posters seem to be missing this bit.

eekyeeky · 23/07/2022 20:15

I don't expect undying gratitude for giving her a roof over her head but a bit of respect for the country that that took her in wouldn't go amiss

How should she show it? Tbh our public services are pretty shit 🤷🏻‍♀️

PerkingFaintly · 23/07/2022 20:16

It's an expat thing!

I've been an expat in many different countries, and yeah, this is what we do. Often in little gaggles with other expats, and often, in countries where, as a PP says, we actually think the place is better than our home country in some ways.

The constant comparing is a way of adjusting to all the differences, and I know fine well it must be extremely annoying to the citizens of the host country.

But... you know... humans. It's how we cope.

Flowers to you OP that you're currently on the receiving end of it. You rant as much as you need.

Also belated apologies on my part to all the lovely people to whom I must have been so dreadfully rude when I was the expat.Blush