DD1s boyfriend helping himself to food

[FlamingGalar]

DD1 has a lovely boyfriend who has become like part of the family. We really do want to make him feel welcome in our house and he’s been away on holidays with us etc. however when he comes round, which is a good 4 times a week at least, he constantly has his head in the fridge, freezer or food cupboards and helps himself to whatever he fancies. I have asked him not to eat certain things he’s pulled out of the fridge as it’s earmarked for for dinner etc, but to be honest I would rather he just ask before rifling through the food stores!

He clearly feels very at home here, which I’m pleased about, but I do find it irritating that he helps himself to things without asking first. For example, on the weekly shop I buy a few pizzas for standby teas if one of the kids needs something on the hop or I can’t be bothered to cook. For the past few weeks he’s eaten every one of these ‘standby’ pizzas! More annoyingly he eats a whole large pizza here then goes home for a full meal there too. I grew up with brothers so I know how much food a teenage boy can put away but I do feel slightly put out that he seems to think he has carte blanche on anything we have in the house. Crisps, drinks, cereal, toast etc I have absolutely no problem with him (or any of dds friends) helping themselves to, but whole meals feels a bit much. Am I being stingy about this? Is this just part and parcel of having teens around the house?

It’s rude and it would piss me off. How old is he?

I’d find that incredibly rude. No doubt other people will say you want him to feel at home, but he isn’t part of your household, he’s not your responsibility and he’s being fed at home. Just tell him to stop.

YANBU. Helping himself to entire pizzas from the fridge? I think that's very rude. I would put some ground rules in place if I were you

Is it just irritating, or is it an increased expense you can't afford?

They're teenagers. They're selfish. They don't always think. Tell them. Just tell him he can't do that. If he goes into the kitchen, go and ask what he is doing and offer him some toast.

I wouldn't be happy with that either. I'd be telling him that due to the cost of living you're having to stick to a budget for food and that snacks are acceptable but the contents of the fridge/freezer are not to be touched as that's your family's dinners.

That would have me raising my eyebrows despite being very generous and welcoming. Can you make up some sandwiches when he’s coming round and say - if you’d like a snack I’ve made these. Better still get your daughter to do it. Put her in charge of the snacking and make it clear to her what’s available and what isn’t.

It's so, so rude. Tell him to stop!

İ dont even let my own children do that! They have to ask before anything that isn't just a snack.

I think you need to speak to him and find out what’s going on. Is his family struggling to buy food? Maybe they need support and help accessing a food bank etc. are you in contact with his mum, could you raise the issue with her too?

Okay thank you! It not just me that thinks this isn’t okay. He’s 18. I suspect my dd has facilitated this so I’ll have a word with her about it first.

A quick ‘do you mind if I grab a pizza?’ would make all the difference as it would allow me to direct him to something else if needed. Usually I come into the kitchen and it’s already in the oven!

I do want him to feel at home, but there are still boundaries that need to be upheld.

That is rude, but so sweet that he feels that comfortable in your house. You must be a lovely kind family.

i would be highly pissed off. You need to tell your dd that it's not on! She is bringing him there so she neede to address this with him.

I think he's being cheeky. I wouldn't have done this in my boyfriend's parents'. So long as you don't think there's a possibility he isn't getting fed properly at home; I know my friend's mum always sure one particular child was always found a meal if around as a matter of need. But otherwise I think he's being thoughtless.

Rather then singling him out (if thats awkward) could you bring it up with all of the kids/teens in the house when together. Hey guys ive rearranged kitchen cupboards so there is a snack cupboard. Anything in there plus x and y is fair game. Anything can you check with me first please incase its part of one of our planned meals? Or similar.

At the moment it’s not a monetary issue, more of an irritation that food earmarked for other meals is being eaten.

His family aren’t struggling to put food on the table in the least. He’s just a bloody bottomless pit for food!

Thank you all for confirming that I’m not being unreasonable! I’ll be having a conversation with them both.

That’s unbelievably rude, I’d be mortified if my children did that in someone else’s house. You need to tell your daughter what is and isn’t on offer for them to eat.

But where is your DD when he is doing this? Is she eating with him? In which case it’s really her taking the food, for them both to eat, isn’t it? Even if he’s the one physically getting it out, she’s the one giving permission.

If he’s in your kitchen chomping pizza while she is elsewhere, that’s very odd indeed.

Ah £50 bet on your DD saying he can help himself to food and make himself at home 🙈 just tell him and sign post him to appropriate snacks. (Presuming there is adequate food for him at home and no food poverty going on?)

I think that’s the height of rudeness. I also don’t let my teenage dc take random food without checking with me, especially if it’s pizzas we might be having for a meal. I wouldn’t think twice about telling him the next time he calls round - before he starts helping himself.

You’ve let him think it’s a free for all, so I don’t think it’s hugely rude or selfish - he thinks he’s operating within the rules.
I would skip the, “it would be OK for a please” scenario, and just tell him - you ran out of pizzas because of him, so can he stay out of main meal food cos it’s messing up your meal plan and your back options. Tell him - the help yourself options are: cereal, toast, the “snack drawer” (whatever you are OK with) and even then he’s to tell you if he’s taken the last of anything.

What's your DD doing while he's eating pizza? Does he just sit and eat a pizza when she's not even eating?

Very rude. You’ve made him too comfortable.

YANBU but you need to have an upfront conversation with him and your daughter and make it clear that they need to ask first and not just help themselves to food. Your daughter might well have encouraged him.

I'm amazed at some of these responses.
It is incredibly rude & entitled to help yourself to something without asking first & you should have made him aware of that in the first instance.