DD1s boyfriend helping himself to food

[FlamingGalar]

DD1 has a lovely boyfriend who has become like part of the family. We really do want to make him feel welcome in our house and he’s been away on holidays with us etc. however when he comes round, which is a good 4 times a week at least, he constantly has his head in the fridge, freezer or food cupboards and helps himself to whatever he fancies. I have asked him not to eat certain things he’s pulled out of the fridge as it’s earmarked for for dinner etc, but to be honest I would rather he just ask before rifling through the food stores!

He clearly feels very at home here, which I’m pleased about, but I do find it irritating that he helps himself to things without asking first. For example, on the weekly shop I buy a few pizzas for standby teas if one of the kids needs something on the hop or I can’t be bothered to cook. For the past few weeks he’s eaten every one of these ‘standby’ pizzas! More annoyingly he eats a whole large pizza here then goes home for a full meal there too. I grew up with brothers so I know how much food a teenage boy can put away but I do feel slightly put out that he seems to think he has carte blanche on anything we have in the house. Crisps, drinks, cereal, toast etc I have absolutely no problem with him (or any of dds friends) helping themselves to, but whole meals feels a bit much. Am I being stingy about this? Is this just part and parcel of having teens around the house?

You need to have a word with him, it may cause slight embarassment but thats life,
" dds bf, i noticed youve been helping yourself in the kitchen quite abit and id appreciate next time if youd ask first, your welcome to drinks of course but dont go in my fridgefreezer ok?"

And also a seperate chat with your dd asking her not to let her bf have free reign in the house, if they want snacks then dd must get them for him and certain items are off limits. And to be honest they are old enough to use their own money to go to the shop and get their own food ..

I disagree with people saying to handle him with kid gloves, hes a young man hes old enough to be given it straight.
It really should have been stopped the very first time he did it
And personally id be keeping an eye on him because he seems to lack respect and manners which would concern me if your hanging around my child

I’d be changing the locks!

He doesn’t sound very lovely at all. He sounds like a rude, entitled brat. He must know the large pizzas are for meals and clearly just thinks you, the domestic skivvy, will go to the shop and replace them.

My thoughts exactly! Bloody hell - my DH wouldn’t do that and he’s paid for the food!!! As I sort out the shopping and meals, he’d have the courtesy to check what was earmarked for dinner etc. This young man is just plain rude.

This is shockingly rude. I spent a lot of time at my then boyfriend's house when I was that age and they always made me feel welcome like I was always told to help myself to a drink etc. But I would never have helped myself to food without asking, much less entire pizzas!!! I agree that you need to speak to your DD

Sounds like you really don't like your daughter-in-law?

I'd be horrified if my daughter-in-law felt the need to secret eat in my house in a dark pantry.

@BlodynGwyn is your DiL a raccoon?

This reminds me of my Dad, nearly 20 years ago, saying, "your boyfriend's chomped his way through 3 of pizzas."

Does she aye?

That's really rude.

I don't even do that at the home I grew up in. The most I'll do is offer to make tea for everyone and have one myself. If there's something lying around that I like the look of, I'll ask. Like a biscuit, or dairylea dunker. Not a whole pizza.

Don't buy excess or convenience food.

If the food in your fridge is raw, he won't be interested.

Have a bowl of apples for munchies - no crisps or junk.

@BlodynGwyn

That's also so rude! And why is she coming into your house without you knowing about it?

God this would drive me crazy - there was another thread on here this week with a lot of people arguing that it's controlling to ever expect your DC to ask before taking food, including food meant for meals, and that it was outlandish to expect that this might have consequences as they grow up. I wouldn't be surprised if he had one of these for parents!

YANBU, this is obviously cheeky. You need to either speak to him about it directly, or speak to your DD.

I’ve already explained why I made the suggestion I did.

@InFiveMins

i wouldn’t like her either if she comes into my house leaving mud and crumbs and eating all my food. Totally disrespectful

I'd be horrified if my daughter-in-law felt the need to secret eat in my house in a dark pantry

The DIL can buy her own biscuits. Sneaking into someone else's house to secretly eat is fucking bizarre.

Your son stopped her from eating large food items in their own home so she sneaks into yours to eat yours instead (in the dark)?

She doesn’t sound very well. Can you speak to her about it?

I feel sorry for her as she was very poorly raised and suffered some neglect. She had a few elderly relatives who lived on the same street and she, and her brother, used to go and rummage through their kitchens for food because there was none in their house. She is getting better and I think it's dawning other her how she'd feel if someone was doing the same to her. She's a nice girl without a mean bone in her body. I call her a girl because I'm 40 years older than she is and it helps me to see as girl who was just poorly raised. I love her and all is good.

I must be weird because I would find this quite endearing. I would love my home to be the sort of place where my DC’s BFs or GFs felt so comfortable.

From the poster's recent update it transpires the daughter-in-law was neglected as a child and had to rummage for food. Her behaviour is hardly 'fucking bizarre' is it?

Very rude of him, I would be mortified if my DC did that in someone's house

It probably sounds lovely but if everytime you went to cook something the ingredients were gone it would be incredibly annoying.

He's being rude and needs telling. You've let him slide into your cupboards and fridge/freezer, you need to put a stop to it NOW. I have 4 children, none of their friends would ever do that, it's totally unacceptable.

Every household I'm aware of has lots of food like the OP and like the OP it is "earmarked" for certain people, lunches etc otherwise you get caught out.

The three of us in our home have 2 fridge freezers big ones but certain foods are for certain days, and or something one of eats on a certain day

OP, don't delay tell him politely that he is welcome but you get put out when something that is earmarked goes without you knowing.

I don't even go into my children's cupboard/fridge etc in their homes , it is how i was brought up.

The poster with the DIL. I feel sorry for her. She obviously has serious issues around adequate food being provided for. Maybe long term she needs some counselling support .
For most of us access to food is not an issue. She maybe had to sneak food to survive and hasn’t recovered from that.
You could always provide a box just for her.

The boyfriend; he needs to ask first.

I'm the same
3 shockingly bottomless pit teenage boys
I love their friends and girlfriends feeling welcome and like they are part of us
Doesn't bother me at all, my ex husband was so unwelcoming and rude, so I think that has possibly influenced me