DD1s boyfriend helping himself to food

[FlamingGalar]

DD1 has a lovely boyfriend who has become like part of the family. We really do want to make him feel welcome in our house and he’s been away on holidays with us etc. however when he comes round, which is a good 4 times a week at least, he constantly has his head in the fridge, freezer or food cupboards and helps himself to whatever he fancies. I have asked him not to eat certain things he’s pulled out of the fridge as it’s earmarked for for dinner etc, but to be honest I would rather he just ask before rifling through the food stores!

He clearly feels very at home here, which I’m pleased about, but I do find it irritating that he helps himself to things without asking first. For example, on the weekly shop I buy a few pizzas for standby teas if one of the kids needs something on the hop or I can’t be bothered to cook. For the past few weeks he’s eaten every one of these ‘standby’ pizzas! More annoyingly he eats a whole large pizza here then goes home for a full meal there too. I grew up with brothers so I know how much food a teenage boy can put away but I do feel slightly put out that he seems to think he has carte blanche on anything we have in the house. Crisps, drinks, cereal, toast etc I have absolutely no problem with him (or any of dds friends) helping themselves to, but whole meals feels a bit much. Am I being stingy about this? Is this just part and parcel of having teens around the house?

I've got teenage & older sons and yes, they are food hoovers. It's lovely that he feels so at home with you, but rules at his home are probably different. He's treating you like another mum, so you need to be as blunt as you would to your own kids, not treat him like an adult guest who knows how to behave. If he's cheeky/lovably naive enough to do this then he can cope with being told "no"!
Just explain it to him factually, without any judgemental tone, then you'll be educating him and hopefully setting the tone for future communications between you. I'd say:

"Right Bert, you keep raiding my fridge. I do like the fact you feel at home here, but I probably do things differently from your family. I plan my meals for the week and I can't have you helping yourself willy-nilly, because then you end up eating stuff that I was counting on using. I don't mind getting a bit of extra food in for you to help yourself to, but I don't want you taking other stuff. You can always help yourself to crisps, toast and cereal, but don't take anything else without asking. If you want to bring extra snacks and store them in n the fridge that's OK, just keep them in a bag so nobody else takes your stuff either. "

I bet your DD has said to help himself. Tell her she needs to direct him towards snacks rather than whole meals, or you'll be speaking to him yourself. She'll be mortified at the idea of you talking to him about it that she'll put a stop to it herself.

Incredibly rude but if you wanted to be kind about it- you could stock up on some Chicago town freezer pizzas and just say “if you want a pizza for a snack could you take these, because I use the fridge ones for family meals and I don’t have time to replace them!”

I've been married to DH for 20 years and I'm not past the "sit in the living room quietly" stage, never get near the fridge.

Actually, I'm not really allowed in the house anymore but that's a whole new thread. :-)

Comfortable = good, this is a bit CFery tho.

Disgustingly rude.

I'd be furious if my kids behaved like that at someones house.

@NanaNelly oh yes, get the women of the household waiting on him hand and foot 🙃

OP if he's so at home perhaps he should be contributing to the household budget? I bet he doesn't wash his dishes after he's eaten you out of house and home either!

This just wouldn't happen in my parents house. I don't know why it never happened but for example I would never have told a guest they could help themselves.

The kitchen was my mother's domain. She was very welcoming and would offer cake etc at times but generally had a no snacks between meals approach.

DH sees it quite differently. He was delighted when his DS's have friends round and emptied the fridge. I asked him how the family was fed from an empty fridge but he never seems to even understand the question.

Puzzlin.

I suspect their meals were more heavily take away based so the fridge was full of snacks rather than carefully planned meals.

"DD, you need to tell your boyfriend that he is NOT to help himself to our food. And if you want to get him something then you ask us first". I've said the same to all my kids because inevitably they all appear one day with a new friend who does at think twice at helping themselves to our supplies.

Don’t be silly. It was just a way of keeping him out of the fridge or the cupboards.

@WeAreBob The most sensible post here.

YANBU, OP. Though I sympathise as it happens here too with the DC's friends. If I see them taking something that I've earmarked for supper/to keep in store, I say "Oi - hands off", or some such. I think that part of having an open house also means the DC's friends are treated like family members, so there's no standing on ceremony with them.

Buy some cheap frozen pizzas. Tell dd he can have one of those, if it's anything else it's been bought for a reason!

It's really rude. Tell both of them he needs to ask, and that he shouldn't jist help himself. If he find that inconvenient, he can always buy his own food to bring round.

That is so so rude! Absolutely stop allowing this!

Just tell your daughter that if he’s hungry he can have cereal , toast or a sandwich .

I came home to DD 18 and bf in the kitchen a few months ago. We were talking and then he just opened the fridge and took out what turned out to be one of his beers. Even that I felt a bit surprised by and I could see DD registered a bit of embarrassment on her face. Just weird to go into someone’s fridge or cupboards without a cursory’ do you mind if I…..’

Just speak to them!
they’re not mind readers and won’t know it’s bothering you!

Classic mumsnet

YANBU the cheeky little shit! You need to tell him outright - no food without asking you first or he can’t come over. It’s really rude and entitled.

Bloody hell, I had to ask if I even wanted a piece of fruit as a teenager, that was in my own home, no one else's, so rude.

Isn’t it better just to tell him? He would feel akward if she spoke to the daughter and not him, and the daughter would too. He’s a teenage boy, he can take a simpe nice ’Oi, you’re eating us out of the house, we were out of pizza last night when I was going to have one. It’s toast or cereal for you now, or we’ll have to sell the house to feed you and you and dd would have to live in a tent.’

My son’s girlfriend once wrote Chocolate on our shopping list on the fridge. 😂 We always made sure we had chocolate in the cupboard for her after that.

However relaxed I felt at friends’ houses as a teenager - and I friends with lovely parents - that never involved helping myself to pizza from their fridge.

If you’re invited to have tea or a meal that’s fine, but otherwise it’s super rude.

There’s a difference between being relaxed and being a CF with no manners.

That's very cheeky is it always snacks and pizzas etc he eats? His parents might not have that sort of food in the house. I never used to because my kids would just eat it all then notwant they're meals. They are healthy eaters love fruit and veg. As my son has got older he has gone off processed food it gives him bad belly ache. Won't even eat chocolate anymore.

They have autism but I would get them treats when out so it wasn't like they couldn't have treats at all. We just didn't keep them in the house. Is there somewhere else you could keep the snack foods? I just think with some people if it's there they want to eat it.

Another point boys can have bulimia as well.

I don't get the issue with this? Your DD's bf opened your fridge to take out and drink one of his own beers?