DD1s boyfriend helping himself to food

[FlamingGalar]

DD1 has a lovely boyfriend who has become like part of the family. We really do want to make him feel welcome in our house and he’s been away on holidays with us etc. however when he comes round, which is a good 4 times a week at least, he constantly has his head in the fridge, freezer or food cupboards and helps himself to whatever he fancies. I have asked him not to eat certain things he’s pulled out of the fridge as it’s earmarked for for dinner etc, but to be honest I would rather he just ask before rifling through the food stores!

He clearly feels very at home here, which I’m pleased about, but I do find it irritating that he helps himself to things without asking first. For example, on the weekly shop I buy a few pizzas for standby teas if one of the kids needs something on the hop or I can’t be bothered to cook. For the past few weeks he’s eaten every one of these ‘standby’ pizzas! More annoyingly he eats a whole large pizza here then goes home for a full meal there too. I grew up with brothers so I know how much food a teenage boy can put away but I do feel slightly put out that he seems to think he has carte blanche on anything we have in the house. Crisps, drinks, cereal, toast etc I have absolutely no problem with him (or any of dds friends) helping themselves to, but whole meals feels a bit much. Am I being stingy about this? Is this just part and parcel of having teens around the house?

😂😂😂

He doesn’t sound very lovely at all. He sounds like a rude, entitled brat. He must know the large pizzas are for meals and clearly just thinks you, the domestic skivvy, will go to the shop and replace them.

Not only would I not want him in my house doing that, I wouldn’t want such an arrogant, selfish person with any DD of mine.

I’d be blunt and tell him to stop helping himself to any food without asking you. You say your DD encouraged him but even then a normal person wouldn’t just go ahead and do that.

I wonder if your DD does the same at the BF's house.

You're obviously very hospitable and enjoy that your children's friends feel welcome. I expect yours is the type of household where people really do feel at home. You just need to establish a few boundaries. Tell him clearly what he can help himself to and what's off limits, or get DD to tell him. If he doesn't take any notice then I'd be a lot firmer. He's obviously comfortable enough to act like your son, so tell him no, as though he were.

@InFiveMins when he opened it I didn’t know he had his own beers in there so I was a bit surprised.

I think he’s just bloody cheeky and greedy. I wouldn’t dream of helping myself to food in anyone else’s house.

It’s one thing having a packet of crisps or some biscuits if you’re offered them, but to actually go into someone’s fridge and eat family sized pizzas is quite another. He’s downright rude. I’d have put a stop to that the first time he did it.

Absolutely! He should check whether it's OK with you first, and it wouldn't hurt him to offer to replace meals he has eaten (or replace without saying anything).

The only query I would have is what happens when DD1 goes round to his? If they invite her to help herself, then he may assume it works both ways... but he should still ask. Check with DD1, she might have told him it's fine, she might be eating his family out of house and home (joke - just for context!).

As well as telling him to ask beforehand he needs telling that what he has been doing is bloody rude and unacceptable so he is in no doubt about the lie of the land

He doesn’t sound very lovely at all. He sounds like a rude, entitled brat. He must know the large pizzas are for meals and clearly just thinks you, the domestic skivvy, will go to the shop and replace them. Not only would I not want him in my house doing that, I wouldn’t want such an arrogant, selfish person with any DD of mine.

Oh ffs.

I’d just tell your daughter to tell him. Probably would be better coming from her, teenagers ay. 😂

Yes I agree. Teenagers don't always read between the social lines quite well enough to consider the feelings of the invisible pizza fairy who magically keeps the fridge restocked. A teenage brain will only go as far as I'm hungry. My girlfriend said it's ok. Mmmm .. pizza

Just give the clearest of rules to all your dc (not just bf) - between meals you and your friends CAN eat toast or fruit (whatever) etc but nobody is allowed to get stuff from the freezer.

No embarrassment, no shaming, but just a very clear and reasonable message will help them all learn freezer etiquette.

Oh this has made me smile! I had the same thing going on with DD2's BF.

DD and BF were mid/late teens at the time. His household had skimmed milk, we bought full fat - he loved the full fat and when ever he came round he'd go to the fridge and pour himself a PINT or 2 of milk to guzzle. We were a bit hard up at the time and i used to quietly seeth about his wildly abandoned milk drinking.

Instead of waiting for the right moment and gently saying - ''DDBF, it's good that you feel at home, and we love you being relaxed, but please can you only have a small glass of milk as we have to make it last?'' I bottled it up (ha ha) and just exploded one evening, rushing into the kitchen yelling ''DDBF! Stop drinking all our milk for fucks sake!''

This was about 10 years ago. They are still together, he is a lovely bloke and we laugh about it now!
<cringe>

do you mind if I grab a pizza? is NOT ok!!!! Seriously you are teaching him to behave like a complete arse. Tell dd that you will put an extra loaf of bread and sandwich fillings/butter/jam on a shelf in the cupboard/fridge and SHE may get her guest some food. Would YOU behave like this in someone’s home @FlamingGalar . I’d ask in my sisters house and we were brought up like peas in a pod!

This. They are both taking the p. Tell them nicely it’s not a free for all. Someone has to plan, shop, unpack a week’s shopping and they need to show some respect. It’s not a cafe.

It's rude. You probably need to say "No" very firmly. And tell him what’s OK to snack on, and what is not, and call him out more firmly. He sounds borderline disrespectful of you, if you do say some things are off-limits and he’s still eating them.

This exactly!
Surely she is there too!

He is a cf, i would be raging. My grown up/teen dc don't help themselves without asking, in case something is earmarked for a meal. I would tell him straight out, please don't help yourself to food, anything in the fridge/cupboard was bought for meals, it isn't going spare.

Yet another mumsnet thread that shows exactly why so many people are such entitled rude arseholes.
I would never dream of helping myself to food at a friends house or a family members come to that and none of my friends would ever do it at my house either (when they were young or now)
they would be offered food/snacks of course.
I’ve been married 10 years and wouldn’t dream of going through my in-laws cupboards.
I guess it just shows how many people are dragged up rather than raised with manners.

and the woman who bought chocolate after the rude little madam had written it on a shopping list? Did you give her your purse and tell her to help herself too while she was there?

What a cheeky fucker. Has he got no manners in general?

I’m going to guess the conversation goes something like this:

Boyfriend : ‘I’m starving, is there anything to eat?’
DD: ‘Yes, what do you want? Have a look in the fridge/freezer’
or
’There are some pizzas in the freezer, do you want one of those?’

I think you might need to talk to her, not him!

Very rude. He clearly hasn’t been brought up properly. Do you want someone that ill mannered for your daughter? Have a chat with her and steer her towards a boy with better breeding.

If your daughter has told him to help himself-why does she think that it's OK?

Cheeky bugger. Maybe your dd has said it's ok, though?

I'd tell him what you want him to do: ask before taking any food, only take food from the snack cupboard, etc.

He's not lovely at all. Stop making excuses for him.
He's a cocklodger in training.

My Mum used to buy stuff especially for us selfish greedy teens and our equally selfish greedy friends.

We could eat anything from the top drawer of the freezer or cupboard X.
Everything else was earmarked for actual meals rather than after a night out or mid afternoon.

Would that work? Set boundaries?