Would you pay £400 to add an inscription to a headstone for someone you never knew?

[OwlButter]

I'll explain!

My great grandma died in 1972, I was only a baby and have no memory of her.

She was buried with my great grandad who had died a couple of years previously. However due to some sort of family fall out, her name / years of life/ any inscription was never added to the head stone. So all his details are on there but nothing for her.

As if she didn't exist.

I've recently found all of this out when I made a visit back to my birthplace and w wandered round the graveyard - I live 250 miles away.

So I've made enquiries with the local council and stone masons and yes, I can do it. Just need to fill in some paperwork etc but that bit is straightforward

The cost however is something else. It'll cost me £400+ , if not more.

So .. would you do this? I can't work out why it feels important to me. I didn't know her. But she lived, she mattered and now it's like she didn't exist. And for some reason that matters to me.

On the other hand, I didn't know her. Her own children are now dead (my grandad etc) and no one else in my family (her grandchildren who are now 70 odd) care about this.

What would you do? Money is a consideration for me of course but I could potentially consider doing it next year - it's not like I have this cash just lying about though

No, what would be the point?

I remember your post about this the other day and wondered how much the headstone was going to cost you!

Personally I wouldn't. You know she lived and that's what matters.

@drpet49 absolutely no point when I think about it logically.

A big point when I think about it emotionally

@Exiledone yes I thought I'd expand now I know the details I wanted to know.

Maybe I'm having a soft moment!

I would. But I don’t think someone would be wrong not to.

Yes I would.

Awwh OP I can see why it matters to you. Because she’s a part of you. Did you watch the programme on itv about Finding Families this week. A group of soldiers from WW1 were found buried together and they sought out to identify them . It was very emotional as these lives mattered, these people were not known to their descendants today but it meant a lot to them for them to be buried in marked graves.

Yes . It would matter to me that her life were recorded.

Could you not get something cheaper made for example at Timpsons and just put it on the grave?

@ClassSize2022 I did watch that! And you're right - it's the same sort of thing isn't it?

I don't know why it matters. It's not like she will bloody know about all the cost and effort it will take!

But then I think .. would she want to be acknowledged on the head stone? If she could be asked now? And the answer to that has to be yes surely

I wouldn’t , aside from yourself who will ever stop to read it , would make more sense to plant a tree with a plaque or get a bench .

Sometimes graves have a small plaque added for someone else. Can you do this instead?

@bingotime not allowed to sadly! Otherwise everyone would be tacking little makeshift signs up. It's banned sadly

That sums up how I feel too. I’d do it if I could find the cash, and I think I would find it emotionally satisfying.

People spend that sort of money on all sorts of more clearly frivolous things and that’s fine, so if you want to and can afford it, do it.

@Floralnomad not sure where I'd put a bench! And it's not about anyone reading it. I know that no one will read it. It's about her life being marked on her headstone

I read the title and thought someone was asking you to contribute to a family member you’d never met and was gearing up to say, hell no would I.

But actually having read it… I see your point. For me, I was moved because she’s a woman and I’m a woman and we’re faster to be erased. I don’t think I’d feel the same about a man - just put it down to one of those things.

If the £400 was spare change, I would. If not, I’d look for other ways to record her name. Plaque on a park bench sort of thing - not necessarily to save money (if it does) but because I think it’s nicer.

@TheIsaacs I'm not allowed to add a plaque. It would just be removed when spotted

Would a flower holder with an inscription be cheaper? Those are usually allowed.

Otherwise I’d ask the grandchildren in their 70s to chip in, frankly. £50 each or whatever.

Can you get a flower holder or similar engraved & place it on top?

No. None of my grandparents have headstones and it doesn’t upset me - I wouldn’t visit the grave either if they had one (they were cremated and scattered). They’re remembered by those that knew them, that’s enough for me. I certainly wouldn’t do it for a great grandparent I didn’t know.

But if it’s important to you then I don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing it.

I wonder if a flower holder would be allowed?! I would have to hope it wasn't nicked but that's food for thought.

I think only you can answer this but if this were me I would definitely do it.

Yes I would. I think it does matter and it’s a good thing to do.

@Testina yes I feel similar. The fact she's a woman somehow makes me feel more inclined but I don't know why.

She did matter though. And I feel that where she lies now should be acknowledged properly

Well you won't have the available money until next year, it seems. and the opportunity will still be there next year. So maybe put in your diary a time to review what you think next year?