Would you pay £400 to add an inscription to a headstone for someone you never knew?

[OwlButter]

I'll explain!

My great grandma died in 1972, I was only a baby and have no memory of her.

She was buried with my great grandad who had died a couple of years previously. However due to some sort of family fall out, her name / years of life/ any inscription was never added to the head stone. So all his details are on there but nothing for her.

As if she didn't exist.

I've recently found all of this out when I made a visit back to my birthplace and w wandered round the graveyard - I live 250 miles away.

So I've made enquiries with the local council and stone masons and yes, I can do it. Just need to fill in some paperwork etc but that bit is straightforward

The cost however is something else. It'll cost me £400+ , if not more.

So .. would you do this? I can't work out why it feels important to me. I didn't know her. But she lived, she mattered and now it's like she didn't exist. And for some reason that matters to me.

On the other hand, I didn't know her. Her own children are now dead (my grandad etc) and no one else in my family (her grandchildren who are now 70 odd) care about this.

What would you do? Money is a consideration for me of course but I could potentially consider doing it next year - it's not like I have this cash just lying about though

I would. I don't like the idea of her just being buried with her husband and not put on. Like them owning a house but her name isn't on it. It's his and she's just allowed to be there. I don't know, makes me feel sad for her.

Very often it’s financial reasons that they are not on the stone.
There’s an unmarried ‘maiden aunt’ and a widow in a family grave of ours, but it’s financial that they are in there. There was no money for a grave of their own, so they went in one already owned by the family.

I only asked because I encountered similar.

it was all “yes you can do x y and z” in the conversations but then when we went to go ahead with it they asked for the lair papers.

There is a point - it could help genealogists in future when tracing their family history as the gravestone is usually the longest lasting, final confirmation of someone's life plus relation to others.

My maternal grandfather still doesn't have a stone on his grave, but after more than 30 years this is going to be rectified.

If money was no object then I might consider doing this. The mason will renovate and reface the existing stone before engraving it, and ensure it has the proper fixings before it's replaced, so you'll be honouring both great grandparents by getting the work done.

Yes. I absolutely would. But I've spent a lot of time researching my family tree and it's very important to me.

If I could give a relative of mine a 'voice' and proof of their existence then I gladly would.

If I couldn't afford it I'd think of a cheaper way, and perhaps go with personalised memorial vase instead. There are some nice ones online.

HaveringWavering "She was born in 1903 so she will appear in the 1911 and 1921 censuses, which are already public, and every 10 years when the next census comes out she'll be on there too."

Not quite. There is no 1931 census as it was destroyed. There was no 1941 census taken because of the war. There is a 1938 Register which is similar to a census, taken when the government suspected war was coming, to see who they had available to fight. This is already available. There will be no more censuses made public until the 1951 census in 2051.

OP for what it's worth, I'd do it if I could get the money together.

I didn't know that about the 1931 census. Why was it destroyed? Shame it will be such a long wait till the next one, I doubt I'll be around to read it.

I think the answer to your dilemma depends on your financial situation, and on what benefit it'll bring. If it's affordable (I think you've already clarified that it's doable) and will bring you a long term sense of having done the right thing for your ancestor then I think it's a lovely thing to do. I love the thought of someone in generations to come thinking back about me, despite not having known me, and wanting to recognise my life. That said, you absolutely shouldn't feel obliged as you're doing it for the benefit of current and future generations, not for the person who died, if that makes sense?

Unfortunately, the 1931 census for England and Wales was destroyed by fire in 1942, and no census was taken in 1941 because of the Second World War.

From the census website. 1942 fire, I'm thinking due to bombing in WW2?

My father and I did this. We researched the family tree, visited the graves, tidied them up, and had grave markers erected for those who didn’t have them. I was glad we did it, and there was something soothing about seeing those already existing headstones with names from hundreds of years ago and knowing there was a connection. Maybe that is the way to think about it OP, that this is your gift both to her and also to future generations who might come to find her.